Chapter 3 -

I watched Jack distance himself from me again. Sometimes I wished he’d stop coming round so I wouldn’t miss him when he left. Other times I wished he would come every day. He seemed to be getting his life back on track though, that was the main thing.

He even had a part time job in Mr Chamber’s hardware store. I was very proud. His mum was still in and out of the house daily, but he had learnt to look after himself. About 2 days after he had came to stay with us because of the Sinead situation, he had left again. He would always apologise when he left and say that he missed me when he came back but I dunno how true that was. The truth was - and this was the part I struggled to come to terms with - he wasn’t the same boy I had fallen in love with, nor was he the same boy I had grown up with. Something inside him had changed and no magic nor large amount of strawberry milkshake could bring him back to me.

Within a week I found out that Jack had been sleeping around again. He met this girl - Rachel Mackenzie - in detention. It seems he had given up on English. He hadn’t handed in any of his pieces of work and that was the price he had to pay. I heard by word of mouth that they waited till the teacher left the room and jumped out one of the windows and back to her house.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t could I!? I mean it wasn’t actually any of my business was it. It’s not like we were…together. I couldn’t help but feel him drifting away from me though. A massive part of me wanted to grab hold of him and not let him go, but as I’ve said before - He’s a free spirit.


Life at home wasn’t brilliant for me. My dad had been on his “business” trip for 10 months now. My mum had become a domestic psycho. She cooked and cleaned all day long - I think it took her mind off it. If she kept herself busy she didn’t have to think about dad. I knew what was coming - but even when she told me, I couldn’t believe he’d actually done it.

My mum called me into the dining room. She had cleaning products on the side of the table and a pair of fluffy gloves sitting on the couch. Her hair was tied into a tight bun and she was holding a brown envelope.

“Sit down please Erica.”

“What is it mum?”
Her face became expressionless, she flashed her eyes around the table until she finally let them rest back on me.

“You’re dad sent me a letter angel.”

There It had came…
“He wants a divorce.”

At that moment I felt like my whole world had turned upside down. My eyes were burning and tears were streaming angrily down my face.

“Why?” I screamed.

“ He’s met a new woman. A lady who is 25. She is pregnant with a little boy. He says his lawyer will be in touch”


She stayed so calm. I hated that! I hated that!

“How can you talk about this as if its nothing!”

I wanted someone to blame and so my mother got the brunt of it.

“I Hate you! You made him leave, If you hadn’t been so cold then maybe he would have stayed.”

She stayed as cool as a cucumber. I wanted her to argue with me. I wanted her to defend herself - but she didn’t.

“What about me… did he say anything about me?!” I screamed.

Only at this time did I see the tears in my mothers eyes.

“No sweet heart and I wouldn’t expect him to get back in contact with you.”

“Why?!”

“Because he’s made no sort of arrangement to. He has a new family now Erica.”

“No! I won’t hear this!” I said and ran out the house.

My first thought was of Jack. I wanted him to comfort me and make me feel safe, like he used to do. My dad doing this would be no surprise to him. He had never liked my dad and always found him suspicious.

I rang the door bell, there was no answer. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. I noticed the door was slightly ajar so I let myself in. I could hear loud music playing upstairs.

“Jack!” I shouted half out of breath. The house was slightly more messy than usually. I didn’t think anything of it at the time but there were clothes strewn all across the banister.
I walked up the stairs trying to gather myself. I got to his room.

“Jack.” I said softly and knocked on his door. I realised he probably couldn’t hear me so I opened the door.

There he was.

On his bed - half naked with a barely clothed girl by the name of Monique O’Brian. I felt my insides being sucked out of my body. I knew Monique, she was just a kid. She couldn’t have been any older than 15.

She saw me and freaked out.

“Babe, wait.” Jack said half in daze.

Monique grabbed her bra from the bottom of the bed and raced past me collecting the clothes on the banister and leaving - quick as a flash.

Jack turned his music off.

“What’s with you always spoiling my fun.” He sighed and drank out of a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“What the fuck are you doing with a 15 year old? She’s not even legal god dammit.”

“What’s it to you? She happens to be a fine piece of ass. That I could have just had.. If you hadn’t came in” He said staggering towards me.

“You are drunk.”

“No I’m not.”

“Then why are you talking like that. You never talk about girls like that. You’re not that kind of boy.”

“Oh Really, well its fitting! It’s all you women are good for anyway.” he said taking another swig of Jack Daniels.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. Prime examples are Sinead and lets not forget my mother.”

“You’re mother loves you.. She’s just lost.”

“Lost fucking lost? Gone is what she is. I went into her room today and all of her thing’s were gone. She’s left. Ran for the hills and I wash my hands of her. No one loves me.” He said and turned his back to me.

“I love you..”

“No you don’t.”

“I do.”

“You don’t love anyone. You’re just as bad as everyone else. I know you’re type Erica. You see the difference between you and me and girls like Monique is that we know what we are and we admit to it, people like you don’t admit to anything. People like me and Monique are cold and probably just looking for the warmth of a bed - not love - there is no love.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You are this little virginal sphere of pure perfection. You and you’re mother - its like you’re on a pilgrimage to save “poor little abandoned kids” like me. I know you think you are better than me Erica. You think you are great don’t you. With you‘re full family, cars and money - when me and my sorry excuse for a mother can barely stay alive.”

I felt myself crying again.

“No..”

He walked towards me.

“You’ve always been Jealous haven’t you - of all these other girls - of Sinead.”

I didn’t reply.

“Wouldn’t you just love it…”

He said and pressed his body up against mine. I could feel my heart beating in my ears.

He slowly moved closer and closer to my mouth - until I could feel his breathe and then he stopped.

“As If I could ever love you.” He said and threw himself onto his bed, turning away from me.

I felt my bottom lip quivering and ran straight out of the house.

I kept running and running until I ran right into Sebastian. It felt strange - but I was happy to see him. I flung myself in his arms and I told him everything. He seemed so caring and lovely.

He took me back to his flat and made me hot chocolate. I snuggled into him on the couch.

“I love you Erica.” He said and kissed my head lightly.

It didn’t feel the same as snuggling into Jack but it had a certain sort of familiarity which I liked.

He spent the next hour wiping away my tears and letting me speak my mind without any interruptions.
He pushed a piece of hair out of my face.

“It’s amazing how beautiful you look. Even when you are crying.”

He kissed me on the cheek.

I liked this feeling.

I studied his eyes for a moment before sliding onto his lap. I kissed him passionately and he picked me up and took me into his bedroom. I just wanted to feel loved.