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Do I Want This, Too Hard?

Poetry By: Aamayarei Anabaraonye
Romance



This piece was inspired by feelings brought on, after an argument with my boyfriend.


Submitted:Mar 19, 2013    Reads: 24    Comments: 1    Likes: 1   


Is it me?

Am I my own enemy?

Conflict from my past. Concern for my future.

Are my standards impossible?

My expectations, unrealistic?

Do I want this, too hard?

Want you, too hard?

Fingernails bleed by my scratching on love's door.

Knuckles reddened by my banging at love's window.

Society told me this would be easy.

Fairytale endings and happily ever afters.

Life implied that this would eventually come.

Years of searching, then finally meet the one.

Why is love such a two sided game.

When its good, its beautiful. When its bad, its pain.

Just when you stop and enjoy the scenery at the top of this emotional roller coaster called love,

you're speeding, stomach knotted, to its bottom.

Thrown for loops and backward spins.

Baby, when will we get to love's top again?

I want you.

I want this.

The passion.

The pleasure.

The unexplainable bliss.

Deep intimate conversations, caressed by unspoken promises.

Kisses adorned by the thought of forever.

Moments and memories, captured in our hearts like firelies in mason jars.

Why can't love be this always be this whimsical.

Words.

Thrown only with the intention of temporary cuts leave unforgettable scars, scabbed with resentment.

Hurt.

Heavier than my innermost thoughts, hidden beneath a plethora of past feelings, deep within the depth of my soul.

Sadness.

Gloomier than one hundred rainy days, where all I could do was dust off daddy's old vinyl records and sip dark liquor from a tear stained glass.

Sighs, laced in hopelessness.

All I ever wanted was that passion.

That pleasure.

That unexplainable bliss.

Out of all the things I wanted, I never wanted this.

How can you hold my body so tightly, yet drop my fragile heart.

Use the same lips that kissed me from top to bottom to say the things that deepen the sadness, that tomorrow already planned to bring.

How can you handle all of me, if you don't give me all of you.

Emotions, I never asked for, drag me into a state of ultimate confusion.

Do I want this, too hard?





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