Right now, I’m okay where I am. For the moment. That’s the thing with me though, things with me are momentary.
And in my mind I love to think that I can last in a commitment and remain in one place with one person for at least a while. But I can’t.
I get bored.
I get tired.
I get resentful.
I am confused.
I’m resentful towards myself because I’m confused and upset that I can’t last longer than what seems to be a millisecond in some form of commitment.
I am constantly thinking,
and over stimulating myself when it comes to these things.
And now here I am, doing exactly what I just said I do, like always.
I am a mess.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
I want what I always can’t have.
I take risks that I shouldn’t.
Sometimes it ends good and sometimes it shouldn’t be repeated.
But then there are always the what ifs. What if I didn’t risk what I may risk and possibly lose?
Is it worth losing?
No. I’m okay where I am now.
But am I at where I feel I should be? No.
Will I ever be? Maybe.
I guess I’ll figure it out eventually.