wow, I'm the first to comment. great job. It kinda sounded like something Punishment would post. hehe.

L ♥

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I read this and I instantly thought it was inspired by Punishment. Lol. Looks like I wasn't the only one :) I loved it Alice, I really did. Now I feel depressed... :( .... but happy at the same time :) I'm weird like that, so don't take it seriously. :)

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

i loved the word "Ameliorating"...amazing words and emotions....

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I loved it!! The emotion was captured well and I loved your word choice. I always like to learn new words. Whats 'ameliorating'?

My favorite part was the first two lines. They are really happy lines because angels are all light, but darkness it all (surprise surprise!) dark. It gives the sense of finally finding hope and happiness.

Yay! Awesome!

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Aw, Alice! I love it! It was beautifully written and almost made me cry. Sorry I got to it late. Stupid puzzle >.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

aww this is SO beautiful!
u and punishment both have such beautiful souls

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

awwww. its such a pretty poem! i absolutely love pretty poems!!!!!!! and some of the words you used (like Ameliorating) made the poem even better! awesome poem! man, you ALWAYS have awesome poems. woo! you are talented i must say! =) i dont like it.................. i love it. lol. that was cheezy. anywho, this another great poem by you! =)
~Lemon

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I love it. You guys are so cute. I love it. My big brother and a good friend of mine.... -sighs- but I'm getting worried about him. I know he's busy with college but he hasnt responded to anything. emails, comments, nothing. please tell me you've heard from him. =) Mandy

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Hi Alice, here's just a short comment to say that I really loved the poem. I'll be coming back to it, with something I had written when I was about your age, on a similar subject. It's nothing compared to what you've written, but it just brought back the memories for me.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

You gave me wings, my angel :)

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

hey this was a very good poem! Full of emotion and as was stated before great word choices :)

Keep up the good work, and have agreat holiday!

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Lovely poem, Alice. Full of imagery and warmth. a joy to read.

Please check out the following passage as I think the word "By" is misused and thought you might like to correct it (^_^)

"My prince,
You are merely a nightsky away,
By lets not let the seconds delay,
I love you dearly."

Thanks for sharing. Happy reading and writing.....Jerry

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Wow, Alice...you must be that inspired writing this!!!
I love how you put it---a nightsky away---whew! a poetic way to describe distance, huh. :-) HHhmm...I think I know who this prince of yours is. :-) Well, just a woman's intuition that says " a woman, however, knows. LOL!

This is sweet, sista! :-)

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Wow!
This poem was just so beautiful.
It might be my favorite on here
I loved it
:D

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Hiya Alice,
This is a brilliant piece. Greatly inspired too, I must believe. A loving piece indeed. Hope you have a great holiday...n come back with even lovelier pieces.
Take care

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Clearly I'm not the only one that thinks this poem is awesome!

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Oooh I loved it!

My prince,
You are merely a nightsky away,

Those are my absolutely best lines in the world ^.^ I love this poem so much!! Excellent job!!

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Hello,
thank you Alice for taking my recommendations. I can honestly say that you make me soooooo proud of you, only a truly gifted writer can take up criticism and then rise to the challenge. And what a rise it has been for you. To say you passed with flying colors would be an understatement, your poem was truly exceptional. Having said that i will now get a little critical because everyone above me has already told you how good this one is.
Remember when you once told me that when you write structural poems you lose emotion, well i can now see why. Read the first stanza as an example. Always remember that a structural poem must always adhere to a certain flow, it should read like a gentle symphony, yes there have to be highs and lows and yes there have to be curve balls(Both of which are evident in ur poem) but you have forgotten one essential element. The ending of some stanza's is too abrupt. You also need to add structure to every line, it is not just a matter of making it 4,5,4,5 you need to make sure that the verses read in a continuous fashion.
Don't worry 90 percent of it is fine, just work a little on the ends of stanza 1,3 and 4. You need to add some words and take out a few to make it run smoothly, just some basic tweaking nothing drastic, and you'll be good to go LOL.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

One suggestion : the line where you say 'But lets not let the seconds delay', I think it would sound better if it said 'But let not the seconds delay'
Other than that, it was a beautiful poem! You're such a good writer. This is my favorite of yours so far :) I think the last 4 and first 5 lines were my favorites.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

That was so romantic, sigh. I loved it, Alice.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Wow. That's all I can say.
Oh, and your words are so big o.o...-stares at big words-
Uhm....ehehe...
I LOVED ITTTT. -attacks you-

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

I have only two words for you....LOVED IT!

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Well I have to agree with everyone else and say..
I LOVED IT!!

~!~Megan~!~

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

beautiful..flawless....amazing...touching...thats all i can say lol. you're really good. you inspired me to really dig deeply to find the true writer in me. i"ll keep reading your work. :)

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

You made me cry:( This poem was so good and sweet and full of love and OMG it was just so good and you made me cry! I noticed that you and Punishment have a similar style in poetry, which is why I adore BOTH of your poetry sooooo much.

I was breaking on the inside,

Only you could I confide in,

Through you I found strength,

Found hope when all was lost,

Found love when I thought it was gone forever.

Out of all the stanzas this was my favorite. Even though it may not seem like it, for me it painted a beautiful picture. I especially love: "Through you I found strength". I know so many people say it, but in this stanza, in this poem...you made it sound so much different. I really loved this poem Alice. And if I could figure out how, I'd put it as one of those links things (if you know what I'm talking about). I'd also give it like, 3 billion trillion badillion 'i like it' votes. -nods head- yup, yup I would:)

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Hello Alice :)

I have been meaning to read your stuff for a while now, but I just remembered lol.

This is an amazing poem. You describe things in a way that most people would shy away from and that is awesome. You use words like "ameliorating" and phrases like "You are merely a nightsky away" that really add to the beauty and sheer depth of this piece. This is absolutely amazing and I can't believe I haven't found your writings before!

Regan

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

:O.
woah...
that has seriously just left me speechless (in a very good way lol.)
I honestly want to put it in my quotes on myspace.
this made me smile a lot just...woah lol

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

wow!!!!

its beautiful....

interesting???

...
great theme..


&&& its really .. sweet

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

Oh my god Alice.
This can only be written when a heart is singing.
It has a deep Shakespearean quality.

Incredibly mushy but still entirely sweeps me off my feet. Beautiful.

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

I love this poem, it is truely awesome! You have such a unique writing style, I love it! Keep it up girl! =)
~Maple

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

You could almost, look/read this in an auto-biographical sense and state "You're Seraphic Daffodil", a reflection of your heart singing.

Woa.
Deep.

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

Alice alice alice, you never fail to please and dazzle!
Just astounding!!
here's my faviourite stanza
Words roll like pearls -

dancing off a lover's tongue,

One kiss,

You and I,

Chasing everlasting bliss.

JUST SIMLPY WONDERFUL!

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

so sorrrry i'm late, alice.
But...
awwwwww *shrieks* this is so sweet!

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Sorry it took me a while but I've been pretty busy. I thought it was really good, sweet and wonderful! Good job, I really liked it! :) Mel♥

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

i love this poem Alice. There's a sadness to it as well as beauty. There is so much longing in here. Love and distance are such sad things. wouldnt it be great if we did have wings. Gosh, i can't believe yo got so many comments, and i'm so late. I don't think your stanzas are too short, and i think the poem flows well.
i love these lines

Words roll like pearls -
dancing off a lover's tongue

the images are great, there's so much play to them. Also this is my fav stanza

One day,
We'll share an embrace like no other,
Beneath heaven's twilight,
Beneath cavalier's canopy,
will stand two lovers.

i love this stanza Alice, it reminds me of Shakespeare.
I love this poem!!!!

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

awww, this is so sad and happy! wait, does that make sense?
well anyway, this was very very good, alice! it was very well written and well thought out!
please write more soon!

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Sorry, a very late read from me but this is a beautiful fresh and romantic poem. Truly love it!

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

loved it loved loved it!!!...i so enjoyed reading this one! i loved the way you presented the whole of it
u're truly gifted!!

nuttyz~

Posted: Jul 9, 2008

Beuatiful! Full of memorable phrases. Thanks for posting your wonderful poem. Ricky.

Posted: Jul 11, 2008

Oh, my. That was beautiful. I get the feeling you lost someone very dear to your heart when I read this. And I also get the feeling that it tears you up more than anything in the world. Mm... It was just... Beautiful. Please, get writing. I want to read more of your work. :)

Posted: Jul 11, 2008

I'm glad I found the time to be able to read this. :) it's beautiful. :)

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

ugh, booksie didn't post my comment *grrr*
OMG Alice, this is so beautiful that I can't even tell you how truly beautiful this is, lol. You are sooo unbelievably talented ma cherie, truly you are. This was amazing!!!!!
STeph(:

Posted: Jul 14, 2008

this is really good! It sounds really mature, I can tell you really mean everything you say

Posted: Jul 14, 2008