As the haze clears, the mist reatreating, I open my eyes to find myself in a new world. Where has my imagination landed me this time?
I looked around. Where was I? The memories of what came before the dream returned to me with a flash. I was on a trip with my youth group. I look around, and my friend sat next to me, and in the seats in front of me sat my love, Frankie, with another. I turned away, a tear escaping my eye. My friend saw, and asked,,
"Are you okay?"
"Yea...Just thinking, that's all." I replied.
"About what?" She asked inquisitively. I gestured towards Frankie and Leah. "Oh." She said knowingly. "In that case, are you SURE you're okay?"
"Yes." I said. "Just a little flustered. He's always with 'Leah'. I would almost like to talk to him, but there's no way I can do that with her hanging off his neck like a feather boa." I saw him start to get up, and come towards me. "Hey, I'll be right back...I'm gonna go get some air." I said, trying to get away. In all honesty, though I did WANT to talk to him about things, I was afraid to. I didn't think I could handle it. The last thing I wanted was to burst into tears right in front of him. I couldn't give him the satisfaction, and it wasn't like he NEEDED another boost to his already bulging ego. So I ran, like a puppy from a snake, I ran. My surroundings swirled into chaos, the only picture remaining clear in my head was Frankie's smug face. As order returned to my dreams, I realized I was walking down my hallway...heading to my own room. Everyone else was gone, except me and Frankie. He was following me down the hall, apparently unaware of the scenery change. I let it go and tried to go into my room. Before I could, he grabbed my arm and said,
"Argetlam! Please, listen to me. We need to talk."
"Oh, don't tell me my TEARS are disturbing your precious princess 'Leah'. Oh, I'll try to be more callous and hard hearted...Maybe I can learn how from YOU."
"No, they aren't bothering anyone, except you. I want to help you."
"What makes you think I WANT your help?"
"Well that was then, this is now. And now I want you to let go of my arm and leave me alone."
"Argetlam, I just want you to be happy."
"Oh, please! If you really wanted that, you wouldn't have broken my heart like that! You wouldn't have left me to drown in my tears...You would have SHOWN me you gave one flying shit about my feelings long before now! Do you have ANY idea how long it's been? How long I've been hurting, hoping you'd come back to me?"
"Well, I-" He started, "No. No, I don't."
"Of course you don't! You have NO idea whatsoever! You know why? Because unlike me, you haven't spent every day in agony since then, counting the days just so that you could keep a tally and say, 'If I could make it that long without committing suicide, I can make it another day.' You wanna know how long it's been, Frankie? It's been a year and two months. Precisely. So now tell me, have you even thought of me, once since then? Since you tossed me aside ike your latest dirty laundry? And tell me truthfully, Frankie; I can tell when you're lying to me."
"I'm serious! Tell me!"
"No. Ok? No, I haven't. I've been focusing n my other girls."
"Oh, and tell me Frankie, are any of those girls STILL with you?"
"Hm...some focusing huh? I can tell you exactly why that is. Because girls want you to focus on ONE at a time. As crazy as it sounds, we want you to pick one, because we want to feel special to you. Like we mean more to you than the next cute blonde that walks down the street."
"Argetlam, I know I've hurt you. I came to talk to you because of that. I wanted to say I'm sorry." The veil broke. I had been trying so hard to conceal my sorrow with anger, but now, the veil was rent in two, his words, the knife.
"No, you're not. I told you, I know when you're lying." As tears began to run down my face, I reached up and caressed his face "Your voice sounds constricted, like every word is a dagger in your throat. You're not sorry. You don't regret a thing. And neither do I." As I said these last words, I kissed him on the lips. I laid my head on his shoulder, aware of his arms embracing me. "If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing. Because no matter how bad some memories may be, changing my mind would erase them along with the good. The hands of time are not exclusive, and are very cruel." I pulled back, and he let me go. "So please, leave me alone. If time won't heal me, it will kill me. Either way, I win." I whispered, slumping to the ground. As I did, Frankie asked me,
"Please, don't do this. I can help you."
"No, you can't. I love you, but I know you will never love me. And your love is all you can do to help me. But that belongs to Leah. So just go. Be with her. It's obviously where you belong." As tears ran down my face, and he turned to leave, I saw a tear escape his eye, and my dreams swirled and left me. I awoke, and cried.