DISRUPTED SILENCE

Random First Lines: Why is it that I am here? Punishment, maybe? Perhaps I was exiled. Mayhaps I crossed my people. Could it be... : Fantasy » Read

Poem By: jadey oneil
Romance

Tags: poem, poetry, death, disrupted silence, lost love, jadey oneil, jadey

I should have written and posted this way back but I just couldn't finalize it. Thoughts didn't come easy. Words were deeply stuck somewhere in my mind. Good thing is, it's here now, up and running. :-)

Kritika's Challenge: I was provided with this sentence "WRENCHING MY HEART". The first letter of each line in the poem should correspond to the letters contained in said sentence.

*Almost an Acrostic Poetry if the title is the same as the words that are formed by the first letter of each line*

Read on and let me know what you think. Thanks! ^^ View table of contents...

Submitted: Jul 7, 2008 Reads: 54 Comments: 17 Likes: 11

Writhing in pain at the sight of you;

Restless soul’s worries remain hidden in the dark;

Eternal peace hasn’t come yet;

Nesting in my heart is the long forgotten flame;

Calling out still---waking me up from the grave;

Hiding in this tomb is too untimely;

I wish it were just another bad nightmare;

Never true…not ever happening…BUT---

Gone were my days, my love.

* * *

Mourn no more.

Your princess is home.

* * *

Hush now…

Everlasting love is no longer mine to offer;

A memory is all I am---forever.

River of tears won’t turn the hands of time back;

Tomorrow, you’ll belong to someone else.

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Comments:

Olwen

Difficult task, wonderfully written I loved it..look forward to reading more..chow Olwen

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Im glad you loved it, Olwen.
Thanks for the comment. ^^

Zia Jaycee

Love it! :) my favorite line is "River of tears won’t turn the hands of time back" - written very nicely :) you're welcome for becoming a fan! :)

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Author Comment:

I love that line too. Mourning and weeping too much don't make any difference. Yet, we do them. Thanks, Zia! ^^

Alice Oiseau

ooo this looks like a fun challenge ^^ and i think you did it wonderfully!
there were so many lines that just stuck with me, though my favorite would have to be "river of tears won't turn the hands of time back" -- soo sad but written soo beautifully!
a piece full of emotion. i love it! and once again, i think you did great with your sentence ^^ you should be proud :D this is definately a favorite ^^

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Haven't you done the challenge yet? Well, It's really fun. Challenges seem to sharpen the mind. We get to play with our own thoughts, chase them beyond infinity.

Thanks for the comment, li'l sis! ^^

Pratibha

Nesting in my heart is the long forgotten flame;

Calling out still---waking me up from the grave;

it's so painful, buddy...I can relate to it....So sad...and so true...

JADEY, Buddy, ur writing has that spark which just ignites passion, truth , honesty and sadness all at the same time along with a strong message like in this one - TO MOVE ON...and not to BROOD over past love which is lost...TIME to move on ....Yup....

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Author Comment:

You're right. Moving on is always the best thing to do when such unfortunate event happens. It may not be easy but letting go allows us to understand things fully. Thanks for the comment, buddy! ^^

apodiform

oh, this was so beautiful Jadey! Very difficult task to fit it within the word, but it didn't seem manufactured at all. I loved the different pacing of the sections and the imagery. Lovely! ~Em

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Author Comment:

That was more difficult compared to other challenges I had. I'm glad you loved it , Em. Thanks again. ^^

whitehart

Boy oh boy, that was one difficult task Jadey, but you did it justice. I love the poem, its beautiful.

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

It took me too long to finalize it.
Thanks for the comment, Deb. You made me smile. ^^

Kritika

Hey jadey!

That was a brilliant job you did!!

I absolutely loved your poem........and it doesn't matter how much time you took...........because the outcome was great!!

congratulations!!!

^-^

LOL

~Kritika

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you, Kritika! ^^
*smiles*

xxemoxbfsxx

that was very creative. well written, great job.

L ♥

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks, Lydia! ^^

snowbelle
(not registered user)

jadey your writing just gets better and better. this is just amazing. sad but beautifully writted. snow x

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Your comment is inspiring, Snow. Thanks! ^^

Stephanee

Wow, that last line is so powerful, Jadey. It just drove itself straight through my heart. Great job with the challenge, that must have been a pretty hard one!

Stephanee :)

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

The last line simply conveys about moving on. That, life must still go on no matter what. That, there are still wonderful things ahead...

Thanks for taking time to comment, Steph! ^^

Anna Therese

Beautifully done, heartbreaking poem. I read it without reading first about the task and you have included it so effortlessly (seemingly, no doubt it was not) Wonderful.

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

I found confidence in your words, Anna.
Thanks a bunch! ^^

Susan Hartline Fouts

Difficult job, yes, but you did a wonderful job. So sad and I thought it brought forth the emotions very well.

Posted: Jul 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks for having the time commenting on my poem, Susan. I appreciate it a lot. ^^

Nixie

ooh, Jadey! You couldn't of reached into my heart any more than you did with this, have you been the one secretly watching me and taking notes? Ha! Seriously, so moving and how i can relate I can not even begin to explain. *Sigh* thanks another top read, it was awesome! ~ Nixie

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

LOL! You don't have to explain it. Words aren't the only bridge to convey thoughts. ^^ Thanks, Nix! Be safe always. ^^

julistar

This wins because of the POV - a ghost, no less. It is well put together. If you didnt mention Wrenching My Heart, I would still like it.

And the fact that there is another related message in the poem in the first letter of each line is like an added bonus for the reader.

This shows talent!

Posted: Jul 14, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh, thanks Julistar! :-) You made my heart wrench in joy. XD

Alice In Wonderland

Name job! The "Wrenching my Heart" thing is super cool!

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

Author Comment:

Aw, thanks! ^^

devilrod

Nice nice..
Very morose, but beautiful.

Posted: Jul 18, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks again! ^^

gerabel

Hi Jadey... I have read several of your pieces now and this is definitely my favorite of what I've read!

"River of tears won’t turn the hands of time back;
Tomorrow, you’ll belong to someone else."

Forget about the challenge... this is written so beautifully throughout building to a climax ((quoted above)) that tugs at the heartstrings!

A 'wonder-full" write.

Happy days.....Jerry

Posted: Aug 13, 2008