Millions of seconds had passed , but to me , it still feels like
it's the first .
You can spend ur days building dreams on clouds , castles and kingdoms of everything you want , and aim to have .. but on one rainy day , you can watch it all dissovle infront of you into drops of air that hit the ground , and drain away .
I wouldnt have ever imagined that a day would come and i would be stuck here alone , with nothing but myself and the random thoughts that cram up in my head , that you wouldnt be there with me , to share the slowness of the passing time , only to accelarate it up and turn everything into flashes and blinks of light that blind you up , but do take you to that world of extreme , breathing with the fullest of your lungs , and climbing up to the mountain peaks .
If it hadnt been you , then it was the long hours i spend thinking about our time together , how even thinking about it filled me up , and left me satisfied , happy..going ..
You werent the perfect girl with the perfect green eyes and broad figure , you had your flaws , but i never really cared , you knew how to make me laugh , how to make me happy , and that was more than enough .. How much we understood each other , what each had , and wanted , what each aimed for , and expected from the other .. these all were things we knew and relayed on ,,
If life is that long ride we take between destinations , then you were the one that made the ride worth while , encourged me when i thought that the stop was still too long to reach , and pushed me to move forward at the times i refused to move forward , and wanted to stay parked at the side of the road ..
But after that , all that , the world decided to change the ending we thought we already had written for ourselves , the lines were erased and a new last page was waiting ,,
If we only knew , if only we knew ..
Sometimes , more is less .. and taking the exit down the highway takes you to the right road , despite what you might think . We should've ended it before it all came crashing on us .. You saw it in my eyes and so did i , but there was always that chance of fixing it all together once again , we owed it to the days , i had thought .. and one extra day would'nt harm , incase it didnt aid ..
If only i knew how wrong i was ..
Each step we took , was a step we took away from each other , from the good days we once had had , day after day , we lost the connection , and stop remembering how we used to be , and what kind of days we had had .. The intensity of the present we were living was like a huge brush that stained the brightness of it all .. stained , before it got lost its true colors .. and everything that once gave it meaning to us ..
I sit here and recall the events in my head , in moments like this , and in the middle of it all , you fail to recognize the real moment during which things started to change , because sometimes , these changes are in fact the results of many descisions each one of us had long ago started coming up with in his head ..
The emptiness that holds my heart is shoking , the way my heart got all that love stolen out from it is insane , like someone had opened the locks of my heart and emptied its contents , i didnt stop the stealer when he came .. i stood there watching him and waited to see what will happen next ,, but after he had left , i called out to her,, why had she left my heart wide open ? mourning its loss ?
Wasnt it supposed to return to the way things were before .. ?
Loss is life's way in taking back from us , it's the price everyone has to pay to be able to move to the next level , to move on , grow up , and learn ..
I paied my debts to it , but the outcomes are still things i cant find or understand ..
Hours extend in front of me like moments and moments of misery i still have to overcome ,
Your face is still something i recall everyone now and then , and your eyes still make my heart ache when i think of them ,,
I hadnt thrown away all the things we shared yet , nothing happens that fast .. and no reality could be turned into past in gimples of time .. when it had taken all that time being ,,
I dont hate you , and i know that you dont ,,
But i hate that we arent together anymore ,,
that i am all alone now ,,
and that i had lost a friend as great as you are ,
before losing my lover ..
That people ask about you when they meet me ,
and nod when i tell them that we're apart
and pretend that they can understand ,,
when i know that they cant ,,
No one can ,,
no one had been near anything
like what we had ,
no one was me
and no one was you ..
I owe it to you , for many things ..
But you were the price i had to pay ,
and the sacrifice life forced out of me ..
I lost you ..
and it hurts so much ,,
It hurts to think that you are hurting too ..
Millions of seconds had passed , but to me , it still feels like it's the first ..
I am a little bit wiser , a little bit sadder ,,,
I sit there , waiting ..