You Deserve More

You look at me, eyes full of sadness

You say, “I just want to protect you.

You know I would stop anyone who makes you unhappy

But this time, it’s yourself.”

*

I try to protest,

Exclaiming I’m fine and that I’m not hurting

But my words are hollow and weak,

Destined to shatter at any words of dispute.

*

Your eyes are trained to see through my lies.

You say, “I just want you to love yourself again

To trust yourself, to be confident.

I will always love you, now I need you to love you.”

*

I am still full of doubt.

I refuse to believe your claims of love.

I am unlovable; I have finally come to accept this.

Why do you confuse me with your lies?

*

Your eyes blink rapidly, fighting off tears.

You say, “My words are all true.

You are strong, but even the strongest get hurt.

You are independent, but you don’t need to be alone.”

*

I turn away from you.

I will block you out like I have everyone else.

I don’t want to hurt you anymore,

I want you to be free from my broken world.

*

Your hands brush my cheeks as you turn my head.

You say, “I will not let you leave me. Never again.”

And your lips brush mine,

So softly that my entire body tingles.

*

Now it is my eyes that blink to keep the tears at bay.

My cheeks burn with frustration

How do you manage to pick up pieces of my shattered world,

While when I try the shards slice my hands.

*

I look into your eyes, and I hate myself.

You have always loved me, I now understand.

And the problem is not that I’m unlovable.

The problem is that I’m incapable of love.

*

This is my apology to you.

I’m sorry that I hurt you in the past.

And I’m sorry that I’ll probably hurt you in the future.

I do not deserve you, so please, stop loving me.