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A Distant Love

Poem By: Tank20
Romance


Tags: love, childhood, crush

Feelings for the one I long for, compiled during a childhood crush View table of contents...

 

Submitted: May 22, 2008    Reads: 52    Comments: 1    Likes: 1   


I see your face in a cloud, you are everywhere,

every dream, your image so vivid, so loud.

I saw us together in the latest dream,

we were besoted, sewn together at the seam

I wait for the day that you swing my way

Offer a word that says you feel the same

It's strange I don't know you as well as I should

somehow I feel my love's misunderstood

The words I yearn just will not come out

In your company I just freeze on the spot

The nervousness of boy scared by reject

At night when alone the words do come out

but, what good is that when your not about

these feelings I know are hard to part

This crush thats inside me is right from the heart

Our lives will move on, together, apart,  yet to know

whatever the case I can say this as a cert

this crush that's inside me will stay in my head


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Comments:

Hello,
the begining of your poem was truly exceptional, the rhyming and rhythym inspired. But you lost me somewhere in the middle. The words seemed a bit forced and the gramatical aspect of the poem diminished somewhat. It felt like you added some verses just for the sake of making the poem a bit longer. I think this poem would have so much more impact if you shortened it a bit. A few minor adjustments and this one could be gr8.

Posted: Jun 10, 2008



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