She hated pretty much everything in her life. She cut herself and felt no physical pain whatsoever. She didn’t know how to put her emotions on hold. She felt she had jumped off the boat and was floating away even though she was struggling to swim back. She didn’t know how to control her own life. It was like everyone was safe inside during a storm and she was outside getting struck by lightning. Nobody could hear her scream for help. This is where everything started….
My best friend and my boyfriend Chris had been through everything together. We had taken chances. We were the ultimate couple at our school, Brooklyn High. If anyone made fun of us or tried to hurt us Chris would give them a punch in the face. No matter how many times we tried to get our lives a chance they didn’t want to come out. Chris was my best friend. Until the day we were no longer BF and GF. Actually we were not even friends. That day hurt like if you were to jump off the EmpireStateBuilding with a bed of nails at the bottom. That day was when Chris committed suicide. I didn’t have a partner. Now, it was if I was in a forest with no one around to hear me SCREAM! I would have to face everything by myself.
My parents would try to make me happy. They would let me miss school to do what ever I wanted. But the more they tried to help me, the more I was letting go of them. 3 months later……. Before Chris left me I didn’t know one little important detail. Well…. I mean I didn’t remember. Chris had made me pregnant. I was only 15 years old! But I made a promise to myself. I would carry this baby, and I would not let it become like me, so even though I hate my life, I will stop cutting myself until this baby is born. I would let this baby become a part of me and a part of Chris. This baby would be the best thing in my life, it would remind me why I’m still alive today.
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So the time came, the baby was a little boy. My mom and dad were bugging me about what to name it. I knew what to name him; he would be my little Chris. My love for this new baby would be the strongest love possible. I would not let anything or and body touch him. So I moved to Europe, far away form every body. 7 years later…… I moved back to my home town, Brooklyn. My mom and dad I would trust to take care of my little boy. I had made a decision that the most important in my life. I would join Chris in heaven. My mom and dad would take care of my Chris for me. They understand, and that was the last day I ever say my baby boy. I joined Chris in the grave and told him all about our little boy, and he was very happy.