The September air was a cold rush in the face as I walked out of the stuffy, overheated room of sweating bodies. Even though my pumping blood made my skin hot to the touch, I knew it was a little too soon for weather this cold at so early into the month. It had to be in the forties. Nevertheless, I breathed in gulps of the sweet, crisp night.

“Hey!” said Tracy, my best friend who I’d hitched a ride from to get to this ‘start the year off’ party. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” I smiled unabashedly. “Just had to get some fresh air. The smell of smoke was killing me.” It was true, the house had a murky layer of smoke wafting beneath the ceiling. Something I hated to smell, especially when I was dancing.

Dancing… The urge to continue swaying and bending to whatever loud beat pumped from the speakers and leaked throughout every crevice of the room hit me with the same force it always did. I loved to dance; to feel the energy shared with the entire rocking ocean of beings. It was hypnotizing and I knew if I had the energy, I’d get caught up in the dance until my feet were nubs.

“Lets go back inside,” Tracy said, pulling me along. I didn’t object. I was eager to get back inside and start again to the shift of music I could hear all the way outside.

“How about not?” said a deep, melodic voice. A voice that held my heart every time his vocal chords played their sweet tune to my ears. Jace. My Jace.

“I’ll catch up with you tomorrow,” I said instantly to Tracy and she had that knowing smile plastered to her mouth.

“Fine, fine. Just leave me hangin’,” she joked, waving and retreating back to the filled house.

“I’ll never get over how mesmerizing you look while you dance,” Jace said softly as he tucked a stray wisp of my muddy brown hair behind my ear, his long, piano playing fingers grazing the lobe. How many times had I watched those nimble fingers play the instruments he so deftly struck. Guitar, cello, violin, but my favorite was still the piano. He knew this and every chance he got, he played it for me, indulging my greed of his imaginative soft creations. When people heard Jace play, they couldn’t help but feel drawn to him and his many talents. It’s the same skill that landed him into Julliard, shocking him speechless.

“Sure you will,” I finally said. “One day you’ll look at me and think to yourself ‘Wow, I never realized that girl dances like a duck with two left feet’.”

He rolled his eyes and laced his fingers into mine. They were warm, just like mine. He’d been dancing too. And although he had a genius for most things musical, he had no skill in dancing. Which never ceased to make me laugh uncontrollably.

Jace tried, I admitted to myself, he did. He looked like a rusty tin man doing it, but it’s the effort that counts, right? He was the musician and I was the dancer. A perfect match.

“So,” he quirked a brow. “Senior year….”

“Ugh,” I groaned, not really wanting to talk about college. Sure, let’s talk about Julliard and what a great future you have ahead of you Jace, but I don’t want to talk about me. My mind ran on and on with how much I hated the fact we were going to different universities. I was going to Chapel Hill in North Carolina. Sure, we’d only be a little under twelve hours drive from each other, but when you’re a busy student, holidays are the only time you can travel. And even then it would be iffy. I’d be without him for weeks and months. I didn’t want to think about senior year ever ending.

“Willow,” he said, using that tone which said ‘I know you don’t want to think about it, but it’s inevitable’. “Nothing’s going to happen. We’re going to be alright.” And when his hands cupped my face I tried to keep my eyes anywhere but on him. Of course, I failed miserably, never able to keep my gaze from his emerald green eyes. The same green that grew with springs first sign of return. “We’re going to go to college, we’ll visit each other every single chance we get,” he said in a convincing tone directed exactly at me, his lazy, lopsided grin drawing me in like it always did. “And then when I’ve graduated… and when you’ve graduated, I’m going to sweep you off your feet and marry you, Willow Cleland.” His grin was in full bloom now, the rain cloud over my head having no choice but to float away. “And we’ll live happily ever after like the perfectly, miserably happy couple we are.” His tone was serious and goofy all at the same time, making me dive in for a hug.

“Why can’t you just let me sulk every once in a while?” I mumbled into his shirt as my face was pressed into his chest, arms wrapped like a vise around his middle. I didn’t want to let go. “You always have to say something sickeningly sweet and make me feel… hopeful. Like my world isn’t going to crash and burn the moment we’re states away.”

“Because, Willow,” he crooned, his big arms cocooning me into him. “I have no doubt in my mind that you are the girl I never want to part from. I want to marry you and I want to build you a house -wherever you desire me to build it- and make a family with you.” There was a slight pause in his reassurances and then I felt a wide smile pressing against my ear. “I’m especially looking forward to the making the family part.”

I snorted and shook my head, my hand slapping his back as we stayed locked in a hug. “Pervert.” And then he breathed another one of his melodic chuckles, my legs feeling as if they’d turn to puddles of peach Jell-O beneath me.

He tucked me under his arm as we walked along the grassy, cat-tail ridden pond at the end of the property we were on. It was quiet and the noise from the party was like a distant memory all the way out here. The moon was high and full, creating a milky white shimmer on the slightly rippling black water. The sky was a soft blur of velvet, strewn with twinkling diamonds as far as the eye could see.

We sat down on a bench, just enjoying the continuous symphony of crickets and frogs, like background music to our little fairy tale. But most of all, we enjoyed each others company. Jace fondly caressed my bare arm and I listened to the comforting rhythm of his steady heartbeat as my head rested against his chest again. It was a rhythm that was forever imbedded into my DNA. It would always be there to remind me we were connected, even if we were physically miles apart.

And when Jace’s lips tenderly fell upon mine in between our silent moments, I knew that we had something no other couple in school had. We were in love. A love so deep it didn’t need words to describe it or fill the silence.

I was irrevocably in love.

“Oh I wish you’d slow down!” I spoke over the loud buzz of the motorcycle, having to fight the wind that whipped us into a tunnel as we sliced through it. I hated it when Jace drove fast on this stupid bike of his. “You know it scares me!”

“Willow, it’s fun!” Jace said, slightly turning his head. He’d always been one for speedy things like motorcycles and cars. Anything that went fast and pumped adrenaline.

“Please, Jace,” I begged.

“Say you love me.” His voice floated back to me as the wind easily carried it. He was joking wasn’t he? It’d never been that easy to slow him down before. It usually took verbal threats.

“Alright, I love you! Now slow down!” I did love him but so help me god, sometimes he could push the limit with his speeding.

“Give me a big hug.”

Without hesitation, I leaned forward and pressed myself further into his back, meshing to him as I squeezed his middle, unable to help myself as I kissed his shoulder. Hugging him would never be a chore. “Okay, now will you slow down?”

“Hey, do you mind taking my helmet off? It’s getting kind of annoying. You wear it.”

Scowling, I did as he asked, being careful to hold onto him. And then I shoved the black helmet onto my own head. His shaggy black hair whipped in the wind and I couldn’t help but stare at him. Jace, I thought to myself. I’m so grateful I’m yours. As if for emphasis, I felt my arms wrapping themselves tightly around his middle again, my face pressed up against his back, the warm leather of his jacket seeping into my bones.

“I love you,” I sighed, closing my eyes. “So much.”

And then the sound of squealing tires and crunching metal sent me into oblivion.

All I could think about was Willow. Would she survive? Would I make it instead of her? The thought of living without her made my throat swell with unshed tears. I’d tried to pump my breaks, but they weren’t working. Again and again I pumped them, all to no avail.

And when I realized my brakes had failed, my mind raced like a Ferrari, wondering how I was going to keep Willow safe. Keep us both safe. As the nearly empty dark highway stretched on, I was quickly running out of time and answers. I’d try to coast my way to a stop. That’s the only thing I could do.

When Willow started to scold me, begging me to slow down, I felt my heart squeezed with pain. But I can’t Willow, I’d wanted to say. Scaring her would only make things worse. Instead, I’d asked for a few simple words just incase it was the last time I’d hear them.

At that point, I had desperately wished Willow would have taken that ride back home with Tracy. We’d arrived at the party separately, thus, I only brought along one helmet. So I asked her to wear it. It’d be the only thing keeping her safe at this point.

When the traffic picked up unexpectedly, I couldn’t keep the bike from careening out of control. And as the ear wrenching sound of tires squealing and metal colliding penetrated the air around me, flashes of Willow entered my mind…

Willow in her beautiful spring fling dress… The night she’d first told me she loved me… When we’d first made love… Her perfect smile, her dainty laugh and the image of her moving to my music like it was her lifeblood…

When the flashes ended and black started to swallow me, I felt my lips move, the words falling like drops of rain from a spring cloud… “Willow, I love you…” Somehow, I had a feeling she couldn’t hear the words but deep down, I was silently relieved that my Willow knew how I felt.

I loved her more than life itself.

I’m not ready to go and I wish I could just touch her one last time, just hold her a couple seconds longer. However I wasn’t able to swim my way out of the black abyss I was being sucked into. The thoughts faded from my mind and I slowly lost any sense of being…

-Dream...-

“I love you,” Jace said, that soft tune of a voice like music to my ears. But he wouldn’t come to me. He stood so far away. “Don’t you ever forget that, Willow.”
“Jace,” I called, reaching for him, running for him. I would never forget it, I silently vowed. “Wait, Jace!” I felt a surge of panic leak through me like acid and I pushed myself to run faster, my lungs heaving and falling with exertion. I kept screaming and reaching but he just kept fading and fading… until he was finally gone and I was left there, screaming into the darkness. No matter how many tears drained from my being and fell from my face, he didn’t reappear. “Don’t leave me!” I choked out, my legs failing me as I collapsed in a heap, the white gown on my body surrounding me. “Jace.” I sobbed miserably…

-

A low rhythm pulsed through my ears, the sound comforting and familiar at first. But the more I tuned into it, the more I realized it wasn’t what I was straining to hear. It pulsed the same, but it didn’t sound the same.

I sat up, my eyes flying open, tubes and needles pulling at my arms as pain, unbelievable pain shot through my body. “Jace!” I screamed, startling the people in the room. And once again that cold, empty feeling seeped through me. Where was he? My Jace? My eyes searched the room, desperately willing myself to see him. He was here, wasn’t he? Who were all these people? “Jace?! Jace!” I cried, fighting the hands that tried to restrain me and force me down on my back. I felt the sting of needles pulling from my skin, dribbles of blood leaking down my arms but I didn’t care. I wanted to see him.

“Willow, honey,” a weary, tear swollen voice whispered anxiously from my right. It was my mother. What was she doing here? Where was I?

“Where is he? I want to see him? Where’s my Jace?” I half screeched, my legs flailing trying to get those many restraining hands off of me. There was so much physical throbbing throughout my entire body. What was wrong with me?

“Honey, if you settle down, I’ll tell you,” my mom said, choking on the last word. Why didn’t she just go and get him? I needed him, I had to tell him my horrible nightmare. He’s the only one who could comfort me after something so real and agonizing. But if I settled down, I could see him soon, just like mom said…

“Tell me?” I said, half whimpering at the look in her eyes. She’d said ‘tell me’, not ‘go and get Jace’. “Tell me what?” I demanded, my bottom lip trembling as I laid flatly against the bed again, no longer having the energy to fight.

“Willow,” mom tilted her head as she looked down at me. Her eyes were rimmed in red, nose a little swollen as if she’d used too much tissue. A fat tear rolled down her cheek and I had to blink to keep myself focused. Mom never cried, she was such a tough woman. “You and Jace were in an accident…”

I could feel my head shaking slowly and then faster and faster as the tears blurred my vision. “No! No! No! No!”

“Willow,” she cupped my face with her hands, keeping me from hurting myself any further, and with her hands on my face like that, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the way Jace does it too when he’s trying to reason with me. “Willow,” she repeated, her voice a soft whisper. “Jace didn’t make it.”

I felt myself being pulled down a long tunnel, all the voices around me blurred into one big mind numbing buzz. The only thing I could hear clearly was that pulse… that pulse that sounded exactly like Jace’s heartbeat.

“No…” I whispered, hot, sizzling fresh tears rolling out of the corners of my eyes and trailing across my temples. “Where’s my Jace?” I demanded, my fist hitting the bed as I screamed over and over. But I knew she was right. Mom wouldn’t lie to me about something so serious. I just couldn’t stop myself from wanting it to be a joke. A horrible, unforgivable joke.

My eyes settled on the door, waiting for the knob to turn and Jace to come prancing in, that lop sided grin on his lips. He’s going t come through that door, I told myself, laboriously breathing. He’s going to come through that door, cup your face and pull you to him as he apologizes for playing such a nasty joke on you. And then you’ll kiss and he’ll make everything better.

Seconds ticked by, turning into minutes, each one pricking a needle, deflating my hopes until they no longer existed. No, I said to myself, shaking my head, that comforting pulse floating to my ears again, giving me some sort of hope. “Where is it…?” I asked, wiping my face with the backs of my hands, my eyes darting around the room eagerly. “Where is it?!” I shouted.

“Where is what, darling?” My mother asked, looking at the doctors in the room anxiously.

“Where is that noise coming from? That pulsing!” I said frantically. I needed to find it. Surely it was Jace’s heartbeat. Surely that meant he was alive. I’d recognize that rhythm anywhere.

“It’s the heart monitor,” said one of the doctors. “It’s your pulse, Willow.”

I stared at the machine he was referring to, the small blue lines rising with each beep. “That’s not my heartbeat,” I whispered, shaking my head. But the proof was right in front of me. How could I deny it when I could see it with my own eyes and feel the thrumming in my chest?

“On the way to the hospital,” mom said, wringing her tissue in her hands. She was more worried than I’d ever seen her, looking on the verge of tears again. “You flat-lined. It took them five tries to try and revive you-” she broke off, sobbing into her tissue, eyes wrinkling with grief. It pained me to see her this upset, but all I could think about was Jace… Jace and that pulse that was now my own. “Willow, I almost lost you!” she choked out.

But I didn’t hear anything as I curled up on the bed, tucking my knees to my chest. Salty drops rolled from my eyes as I soaked in everything I’d just heard. An accident… Jace was dead and never coming back. No more hugs, no more soft caresses. Who would I turn to when life got too hard and I needed a shoulder to cry on? Where was my shoulder to cry on at this moment? Was Jace in pain…? Was he happy…?

My eyes closed and I drifted in and out of sleep. The pit of my stomach lodged in my throat, the dull ache making me shiver with the need to just touch his face one more time. His heartbeat… my heartbeat, was like a lullaby, hushing my rising fears and calming my mind that was on the edge of hysteria. It gently rocked me to sleep, feeling as if a big set of arms cocooned me within them.

“Jace…” I sighed, burying my face into the pillow as the dreams floated me from reality. And this time, it wasn’t a nightmare, but something pleasant and warm. His bright smile, his vocal melody and the faraway sound of him playing the piano. A deep, slow and exquisite song that reminded me of everything we would forever have.

And I knew he loved me.

Everything would be alright. Everything is okay.