Ever since I moved out when I was twenty, I've been alone. I've
preffered it that way. My family and I broke all contact the
day of my twentyth birthday. To be honest, I didn't mind it
really. Seven years have passed. My sister tries to call me on
the odd occassion. Well, more like once a year on Christmas.
I'm actually expecting the phone to start ringing any moment
When Elizabeth calls me, she'll tell me about how my niece and
nephew are. Carly and James, I've never met them, but their
both ten last time I heard. Or maybe it was nine. Either way, I
don't care. If my family has little respect for me, I have
little respect for them.
Some crappy Christmas movie played on the flat screen TV that
hangs from the wall. I believe it's National Lampoon's
Christmas. I liked the movie at one point; I was still happy at
that point. There's just nothing to be happy about anymore. Why
should I be happy? There's no family here for me.
All my family will be gathered at my parents house, sitting in
the lounge while my father tells stories of all the holidays
from when he was a child. Carly and James might enjoy the
stories but it'd be to early right now for either of them to
care. That's how I was. Elizabeth pretends to enjoy them, but
really, she gets just as irritated as I used to.
Mother will be trying to get everyone to try and eat her home
made cookies or fruitcake. It varies on the year. Maybe she
made both this year. I've never liked fruitcake, but I ate it
for the sake of my mother anyways.
That might be the only thing I miss being with my parents, but
I'm a twenty-seven year old man, if I went back to my parents
house, that would be humiliating. I'm perfectly fine in this
suburban house anyways, even if I'm alone.
No one ever comes over, except for that girl... Allie, the
eighteen year old barista at Starbucks. If it weren't for her,
I wouldn't know what kindness is. She's told me that she's in
love with me. I've told her plenty time that I'm wrecked beyond
Allie claims that she wants to fix me and make it all okay
again. That would be too difficult for a young girl like her. I
don't want to bring Allie down with me. I wonder what she's
doing right now... Probably with her two younger brother's
she's told me about or spending time with her entire family.
A deep, long sigh escaped my throat. This movie is beginning to
irritate me, but I need something to distract me. My eyes
wandered from the television to the Christmas tree in the
corner of the room. There's nothing on it... It's not even lit
up. Allie made me put it up as soon as she found it in the
Apparently you can't send a young girl up to the attic to grab
a small box of old books with out her snooping around. That
same day, she asked me when I cried last. I wasn't capable of
answering that question because it was so long ago that I don't
There's been a wall protecting me for years, nothing's bene
able to break it down. It's clear that Allie's trying.
Why do I even continue to think of her? All she is to me is a
nuisance. I need to stop this. She's just some girl that I run
into every morning at Starbucks while on my way to work.
I rubbed my face with my hand, trying to wake myself from the
sleepy stupor I'm in. More coffee is needed right now.
It took a ton of motivation to get off the couch and walk into
the kitchen. There was still half a pot of coffee waiting for
'Shesh, your coffee is black... Just like your soul, I swear
That was the last thing my mother said to me, and it's what I'm
always told by Allie. I hope the two never have the chance to
meet. The odds are so unlikely, but it freaks me out to a new
extent. Allie is the only one to call me Mattie.
No matter how hard I try, I can't get that girl out of my mind.
It's been that way since she told me she loves me. I'd rather
stay alone and unloved by her. I can't even return the love.
I have to forget about her and she needs to forget about me. I
made her swear she would not show up at my door today.
At random points through out the day, I regret it. It's because
of how lonely I am. That doesn't matter though, I've just got
to make it through the day.
Dinner tonight consists of stew from a can and a bottle of
Alexander Keith's. For dessert, Marlboro's and coffee. That's
what dinner usually consists of.
I spend days off sitting on the couch, reading, or sleeping and
dreaming about what my life would have been like if I hadn't
It wouldn't be anything different, atleast I don't think so.
All of this nonsense because my ridiculous teenage angst got
the better of me and I refused the help. I shook my head in
disapointment towards myself. This lonliness is something so
common that I'm numb to the feeling.
My fingers began to run along the rim of my coffee mug and I
spaced off as I stared at the television. Clark Griswald didn't
have the perfect Christmas either... But he has his family. His
wife, two children, his parents are there, his in-laws are
there, even his own brother and his wife with their two kids
and dog are there.
Seeing this makes me jealous, even if it's not real. They're
all actors and actresses, but even still, they're probably with
families for Christmas.
I had to look away from the movie and to the cordless landline
phone that lays on the coffee table in front of me. It's only
eleven in the morning so I don't actually expect Elizabeth to
call me yet. It would be quite nice though.
Finally, the movie became a little too much to handle so I
grabbed the remote, shutting the television off. Now I'm not
sure of what to do. Maybe I'll try to go to sleep again. I have
the capability to sleep the day away if I really want.
Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I chugged back the rest of
the coffee, despite how warm it is. It took a bit for me to get
up off the couch, but I did. First stop, the kitchen. I placed
the mug into the sink before leaving the room. I only just
realized I live in such a spacious house just for one person.
Maybe I'll move into an apartment in the new year.
That's still a couple of days away though, so I have time to
think of such a thing. I stood on the very first step and
somethign caught my eye from a window to the right. I looked
over to see it snowing. There was actually a lot of snow. How
had I never noticed it until now? It was to atleast be over a
It'd be interesting to be a snow flake. I snorted at the
thought before walking up a few more steps. I was so close to
my destination, until there was a knock on the door. That
better not be Allie... The knocking continued. It's annoying.
I sighed before walking back down to the door. I unlocked it
and yanked it open. What I saw there, came to such a huge shock
to me. My jaw hung loose as I stared at my family standing
My mother, father, Elizabeth and her husband, their kids even.
"Hello..." I choked out to my mother, who grinned brightly at
me. Why are they here?
"Matthew, you're still in your pajama's..." My mother said with
a laugh and I looked down at the flannel pants I was wearing.
They were all covered in snow as it snow and they had many
bags. I looked over all of the faces until I landed on one in
particular. Allie. "Allie brought us here and told us how
lonely you've been... So wether you like it, we're going to be
a family again," My mother said barging in with the rest of my
Shoes and jackets came off without me saying it was okay, but
for some reason I didn't seem to mind. Allie still stood
outside, her brown curled hair being covered by snow. A few
snowflakes sat on her eye lashes as well. I can no longer lie
to myself, Allie is truly breath takingly beautiful. Even if
she's wearing the tacky christmas sweater I've told her to burn
on numerous occassions.
Allie looked at me with bright blue eyes and I cracked a smile.
"Get in here..." I said stepping aside so she was capable of
walking in. I hesitantly shut the door as she began taking off
her boots. "Why did you bring them?" I asked without trying to
let it show I was slowly becoming emotional.
She stood a deep breath, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.
"I found your mothers number in your phone, so I kind of called
and told them you've been lonely. She cried and cried so I
finally realized, no matter how much of a rock they are, no one
should be alone on Christmas, Mattie..." Allie explained to me,
causing me to choke up.
From the living room, my mother and Elizabeth were complaining
about my tree. It's not shocking. I just stared at Allie for a
moment before my arms wrapped tightly around her small frame.
"I love you too, Allie," I said through the silent sobs and my
tears hit her forehead. Against my chest, I could feel her
grinning and her own tears. Small arms wrapped around my back.
returning the hug.
Finally, someone who could break down that wall I've had up for