I hope your stars shining bright, i hope your at rest now. My day has been a roller-coaster, or shall we say my life is a roller-coaster? I cant help but think about you all the time, its just when i think that everything is normal - i then realise how real my life is. I picture you walking in the front door, dropping your suitcase and running towards us all, sounds like a movie really... however i wish that it would be my only dream come true. Every flood of memories that takes over my mind leads me back to all the times we spent together, even the times i wish i never hurt you or over small arguments we had. We just couldn't stay mad at each other.
I know im not perfect and i know us as a couple were not perfect also but you where my whole world, my future and my life. It sounds obsessive but i have never told someone so many times in my life that i loved them as much as i do to you. You always had my best interests at heart and every quality about you was just simply honest, not a bad bone in you.
I have done this a few times now, where i have dialed your number and pressed call... and i guess the heart breaking part is the fact it goes to your answer machine straight away or when i feel so alone, i mail your Facebook in hope that one day it will change from "delivered" to "seen". There is so much that i wanted to tell you..
I will never forget the day i got told you had been taken from us, i will never forget the night before when i spoke to you, and you told me what your plans were, and how you found a wee pub! I crept into your bed with your pajamas on, you know the ones you never allowed me to wear because i was getting "fatter" through pregnancy (our personal jokes) and i had your "USA" jumper on. For some reason i couldn't sleep and i spent the night trying to phone your mobile and i couldn't get an answer.. i just presumed you were drunk as anyone else would. Never have i wished to hear your voice so many times in my life or just to hear you say that you loved me one last time. I sit and read through all our messages and conversations and i think how lucky i was to have you. How lucky i was to have such an amazing partner - you gave me strength, you gave me hope for a lifetime.
I love you Christopher...
Fly high with the angels and look after our little one - I know you will because your great with children and the life you planned for our little angel just proved you were more than ready to be a dad, maybe not on earth but heavens gained the precious rock of my life.