"Im ok, really. I just dont feel good." "Are you sure? I could come over and take care of you." "No, Really. I have--Family over and we are going out pretty soon. So really im ok." "Bella-- I mean my FUCKING god we never see each other anymore! Its like your avoiding me!" And he hung up. I set the phone down on the side table and layed back down on the hospital bed. Tears ran down my face and trickled down my neck, creating puddles at the bottom crevas. My mom walked in with, non other then, pills. More and more pills. Every hour on the hour. "2:00" Her voice rang out. She handed me them and a cup of water. "The doctor said your doing great...Everything will be ok, Bells. I promise." She kissed my bald head and began to walk out. "Mom.." I croaked. "Mom can i talk to you?" She rushed over to my side. "Of course hun." She sat in the chair next to me. "Mom..I havent told Jason. Or anyone accept Precilla." My mom sighed and grabbed my hand. "Oh dear. Well, Your going to have to tell him sooner or later." I shook my head. "No!" I croaked weakly. "No," I cleared my throat but still sounded like hell. "I cant tell him. I dont want him to be up every night worrying about me." She sighed. "Do whats best for you. But i really think you should tell him, Because either way he is going to worry. He thinks your sick all the time. He may even figure it out, or need a serious answer sooner or later." I nodded and layed back down, closing my eyes. I wanted to sleep so badly, but whenever i shut my eyes, i needed to do something else that pushed me to keep ahead and stay awake. Someone knocked. Ugh. "Bella.." It was Precilla. Precilla is my best friend. We've known eachother since Kindergarden, And its senior year. OR atleast it would be senior year for me, If i wasnt always in the hospital. I opened my eyes and faintly smiled. "Hey Pre.." I croaked again. She ran forward and hugged me. "Thank god your ok! I was so worried about you, i always am." She pulled away and just like my mom did, she kissed my bald head. I sat up and scooched over, she sat next to me. "So--Did you--Did you tell him? Yet?" "No. We never talk anymore and he skipped school today." I sighed and gripped my hands together. "This is really all my fault." "No it isn-" The doctor walked in. "Bella, Its time to get your shots, Precilla, Your going to have to leave now, Bella will be out for some time." Precilla nodded, hugged me and gave me a worried glance, then left. That was unsettling. The nurse was so familliar with me and everyone that came here that she knew Precilla by name. 2 other doctors came in with a wheeled cart full of shots and masks. The 1st nurse opened up a new bag of gloves. I was so used to the smell of latex that it was as familiar as my mothers face would have been. That unsettled me even more. "Well Bella, We have a series of 16 shots today. The most we have given you all month. Are you going to be ok?" I sighed heavilly and nodded my head. "Yea." I responded blankly. Every shot numbed me in some part of my body, But the pain never neared the pain of my heart ache. I always wished i was with Jason, But i never could be..Never would be. Once the nurses were done, i felt really drowsy but i couldnt sleep. The beeping of monitors and the sound of the ball game on Tv distracted me. So i sat and waited for 3:00 to roll around for my next set of pills. For some reason my arms went weak, then numb. So did my legs and suddenly i felt slow and helpless. My heart rate began to quicken, then slow, then pick up again. I called for my mom. "Mom!? A nurse?! Anybody please help!" 2 nurses and my mom came rushing in. "Bella! BElla focus on me! Keep your heart beating." My mom was crying and more nurses flooded in. One nurse looked at the moniter and called out to ever nurse on the floor. "Code blue. We have a code blue!" More nurses. Suddenly needles, patches, masks, and hands were all over me. Precilla was in here as well, crying, gripping my hands. The last thing i remember was more and more needles, poking me in my arms. ~~~~About 12 hours later~~~ I woke up with a pullsating headache. I looked around and my mom and Precilla got up and ran to my side, both in tears. "Bella! Your ok!" I nodded, Still to doozied to speak. I flapped my hand around to try to feel it again, got it. THen my other one, i could feel it. Then my legs. I grabbed my phone and dialed Jasons number. He answered. "Bella? Hello?" "Jason, Hi." "Bella...Listen. I love you. I really do, But." "But?" "But we never see each other anymore and i feel like im putting more into this relationship then you are." Suddenly ever needle that had ever been injected in me, felt like a kiss and his words, felt like a thousand needles, stabbing me in the heart. "So what are you saying?" My tears flowed. "Its over..Bella." I hung up the phone and threw it across the room and it hit the wall and the screen cracked and pices fell to the ground. Precilla and my mom were shocked. "Bella.." The nurse came in. "Its 3:00, Bella. Its time for you to take your pills." I nodded and my mom and Precilla left the room. The nurse set the bottle of pills on the table while she fondled with my fluid bag, the one that was connected to the needle in my arms. A nurse frantically came through the door and needed a lot of help in room 7, the room next to me. She apologized to me and ran out of the room. My eyes trailed off to the bottle of pills on my bed, and the fluid bag. I grabbed the bottle of pills and unscrewed the cap. I started crying again, harder this time. I wheezed out a few times. "Im sorry im the most horrible person on earth. Im sorry im never there for you. Im sorry im bardging on in everyones lives. Im sorry im such a fucking faliure. Im sorry im a worthless piece of scum." I whispered to myself. I dropped 18 pills into my hand, all heavily infused with Kumadon (coo-ma-din: A natural ingredient found in pills that numbs the body and thins the blood flow.) and acetaminophen (A-see-ta-min-a- fen: a common drug found in Tylenol that can thin your blood and can kill you if you OD instantly) I moved the pills around with my finger. I breathed heavily for a few moments. "Im so sorry im not good enough." I croaked and took each and every pill and downed them with my water on the side of the bed. I instantly felt myself begin to numb. My fingers numbed and the bottle dropped onto the floor. /\__/\__/\__/\/\/\/\___/\___/\___/\/\/\________________________________________ The monitor began to ~Beeeeeeep~ Im sorry. That i was never good enough. But im gone now, so dont worry. You can go on with your life. Without me being the pest that i am. Goodbye.
Epilogue: The nurses rushed in and found the bottle of pills on the floor. Precilla and Bellas mom borke down in tears and were at the corner of the room while an enormous group of nurses swarmed in. The tried everything they could to bring her back but it was no use, all the blood in her system had thinned and she was dead. "Im sorry, But shes dead. We tried everything we could. We're sorry." All of the nurses bowed their heads and some even cried. One nurse clicked the monitor off, Another nurse unhooked the fluid bag, and the last nurse put a blanked over Bellas head. Precilla later called Jason and told him everything.
"O here. Will i set up my everlasting rest? And shake the yolk of inauspisious stars from this world wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last. Arms, Take your last embrace. And lips, o you the doors of breath, sealed with a righteous kiss, a dateless bargain to engrossing death." -Romeo and Juliet, Shakepear.
"Death is peaceful. Life, is harder." -Stephanie Meyer, Twilight. Thats how Bella felt, everyday. Going through cancer is hell, and she gave up. Never give up. Fight until you cant fight anymore. Its not over unless you had tried and gave your best.