from my mind .
The leafs of trees slowly fall into the forbidden land of my happiness .
I whisper again with a hoarse voice for my lost desires.
Desires that were thrown somewhere into the deadly fog of the autumn.
The merciless autumn that impatiently took away the joys and reasons of
my life. That life that went away living behind just a broken image of
lost promises .
And alone again, I stay thinking for my endless desperation that autumn
brings every time the leafs get withered , falling down from their trees
that without mercy let them die without even asking if they wont to
bloom again , if they wont to live again.
The cruel autumn comes again , over and over , careless for the sadness
and pain of anyone .It just returns bringing one more season , one more
September, the same date , the same hour and the same terrifying minutes
of September the 11th.
The horrible date that still spreads mortar sounds through New York and
through each corner of my heart .
So I raise my eyes for a moment and see the sky filled with faded
stars and with memories flowing like in inexhaustible oceans that wonder
inside my mind. Meanwhile I remember him , the love …
I remembered the sky that gathered us on our first date , that
unforgettable walk that filled the meaning of my life with the hope of a
future , a future with him.
That infinitive walk , that first dinner that I wonted to last in
eternity and the most surprising thing was that next to him I stared to
believe the eternity could really exist the same way real love would
I remember how I placed his photo in my office and impatiently I waited
for the hours to go by so that I could run to him , so that the time
would stop would somehow get stuck because I felt that real love would
defeat the monotone anxieties of this life .
And I remember his embraces , his caresses , and his own soul melted with
mine and I remember how our bodies disappeared into the traces of the
ocean of love…In that ocean where with the blindness of my eyes I could
see the obscure streets next to me that carried the intrigues of a sad
No I couldn't see because next to me there was him , the one that
gifted me so much love , the one that kept the invisible torch of my
I sadness I never knew when I was with him.
I remember the happiness we had that made me drunk in that unfinished
spin which I didn't fear to ever fall, to ever stop…
How could I stop?
Can happiness ever wonted to be stopped ?
Can the song of my heart ever be stopped within it's screams .
But I even remember the first time he tolled me loved me .
His voice filled with astonishment and fear that like an ancient sound
swallowed away my doubts .
Then I started to hear the echo of love , I started to feel the
nonexistence of desperation and the nonexistence of the entire world .
I also remember that important dinner , his words that slowly were
getting stuck into the reverberation of the question I so much have
been waiting since that first moment I sow him.
Moments latter I sow a perfect diamond ring was put into my finger so I
could feel the eternity of our love.
And I so much wonted to cower my self into his arms keeping that
second last forever fearing the world was going to be jealous for us.
Again I remember
that September the 11th when at my office I couldn't move
my eyes from the perfect portrait on my desk . The diamond that shined
more then ever o my hand it invited my co-workers to notice my
happiness for my future marriage .
I continued admiring the portrait when suddenly I felt a gab into my
heart , like something got separated from me , but I couldn't realize what
that was at the moment .
I run from my office looking at the others gathered in front of the TV
watching the terrible news .I closed my eyes because I didn't wonted to see the news, but from
far away , somewhere in distance I could hear his last words , his
last saying that he loved me. Madly I ran outside in the destroyed city.
The ruins of which made me feel at the same time disdain, hateful, weak,
forfeited, and mostly it made me feel dead inside .
I continued running into the ruins that of the twin towers that was in
pieces , but unfortunately he worked there .
I ran in the destroyed city where the threshold of pain was being passed
by all the citizens and by me also…
An anonymous tear slope from my eyes wetting the anxieties that made my
heart beatings speed. A question got infused into my mind without mercy .
Where was him?
I could see a deadly sky all over the city that had no repentance over
us. And a part of my breath left my chest when a hellish dew fell upon
me making me realize I was part of that crowd of people that wept for
I realized I had lost him as I sow him laying there covered with
blood, sleeping peacefully like he could see another paradise in the
middle of that infernal we all where .
With my body trembling I walked towards him realizing that his life did
no longer exist and that death had left a mortal shadow upon him that
laughed and t cried in the same time I cried .
The scent of death that September brought was eating my soul , but I
embraced him like never before , crying , roaring with pain as there was
nothing I could do to bring him back in life.
I looked around everything , to the people and I sow the deadly silence
of their suffering hearts , of their pain and I felt the damnation of
destiny over me and over everyone else that lost their families , that
still are losing their dears all over the world , and are tasting death
and terror all over our globe.
Every single time the autumn comes I wait for the September so I can
feel him closer to me with the pain that never disappears from my heart
So I sit in every autumn and I wait for something I don't know yet
what it is.
I wait that the illusion of my happiness cant turn into abhorrence .
I wait that the phantasms of terrorisms wont bring anymore death.
I wait that peace could walk through those narrow labyrinths that terror
I wait that the world can embrace the divinely peak of the peaceful sky .
I wait that the diamond ring I carry in my finger will fade away so
that my pain will be easier .
But the September returns again and I always stay with the memories
inside of me .
So I raise my eyes looking at the sky that still carries some stars
shining over my sadness .
May be that is him I whisper to my self n silence , may be he wont me
to forget and to make my pain easier , because life continues and may
be peace will come along all over the world so that the next autumns
will let us all live in peace ..