He came to the cemetary by himself that day. He climbed from the truck and stood at the foot of her grave,head down. "Hey babe,how you doing?" he said. He stood for a few minutes. His entire being aching over his loss.
Whispering a " I love you,Babe."
He moved back to the truck,removed a sharpshooter shovel and prepared to begin working at digging a trench around the four gravesites.Preperation for pouring a protective curb .
Ocasionly he would pause from his task and share a few thoughts or such with his wife,now departed.
He relized he was crying,tears rolling down his cheeks. He was crying for no reason more than just grief still residing within him.
He finished digging the trench,tossed the shovel into the back of the truck....and sat beside the grave.
His thoughts drifted,he remembered how alive she had made him feel.
And he felt how dead inside he was now.
He began to cry again,first a few tears fell,then a sobb.....then full out gasping choking sobs racking his body.
He wrapped his arms around himself....and let the pent up grief pour out.
He cried....for what had been.....and what would be......without her.
He cried for the regrets he felt......regrets of done,and not done.
He pulled himself together,dried his wet cheeks,scrubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands.... gaining control over his grief.He sat for a few more minutes...unwilling to leave...unable to stay.
Finally....he sighed,he pressed his right hand into the loose soil on her grave.
Wishing it was her he was touching. Miserable because it was'nt. He squeezed his hand into a fist...squeezing the dirt into a hard ball...using a intensity they had both shared.....to put it out there for her..
' I miss you with all my heart...my soul is dark with out you...sleep well,my love....I love you.'
He rose to his feet,looking down at his clenched fist,he opened his hand and losened the hard ball with his fingers.Scatering the soil over the grave.
" I love you." he wispered.
He turned and moved to the truck. His steps slow ,reluctant to leave.
In the truck he looked at her grave..."see you in a few days,babe" He said.
He went home.
WIDOWER (part 2)
He had been thinking about her a lot the last few days,that special day was quickly aproaching.He was getting reminders all over the place.
The night before he was standing outside,looked up and relized that it would be a full moon on their 'night'.
That day,during the day,he made plans for the evening.Once off work he made a few stops before heading home.Stopped at the store and bought a bottle of wine.Stopped at another store and bought 10 of their special flowers,one for each of the years they had been married.
He arrived at the cemetary a little before dark. He stepped over to the grave,kneeled and pushed one hand into the dirt covering her grave.
"Hey Babe," he murmered.." Happy anniversery honey.."
He stayed like that for a moment reaching out mentally...trying to feel her,knowing he would'nt.
He stood and went back to the truck...he carried a picnic chair over and placed it beside the grave...then brought the flowers and the small cooler of beer.
He used a few fingers to make a hole for the flowers....He settled into the chair and opened a beer.......He leaned forward and poured half the beer onto the grave then drank the rest of it...."Here's to you My Love......"
He drank another beer then pulled a joint from his pocket fired it up and smoked half of it......then he buried the roach near the headstone.
He relaxed and watched the full moon come up...all the time remembering their 'full moon' nights
Later he put the chair in the truck,made sure he had left no trash.He dropped to one knee beside the grave,this time pushing both hands into the soil of her grave.....Again,he felt for her again knowing he would'nt.......he sighed....and murmered.."No doubt,Babe..........No Doubt."
He sighed again,then pushed to his feet.He walked over to the truck and got in and started the motor.
He glanced over at her grave "till next time Babe.I love you. "
he put the truck in gear and went home.