Diary Entry #2

Is this cheesy? Is the way I am feeling right now in any way cheesy? I guess it is... Ugh. I hate cheesiness. It's so... silly. So stupid, so normal, so usual. Then why do I feel this way? It's unfair, I hate myself for it. Stupid little pathetic romantic worthless loser that I am. Geez. I need to stop thinking so serious about this. You're not supposed to think about stuff like this, it's not good for you. Another one of those things I hate about myself.

Alright, stop!

I sigh. This, just, was one of the many conversations I have with myself daily. I am Walter Trenchback, currently 15 years old. I am by far the smartest student at school, but also the most friendless guy EVER. I can't even hold a decent conversation with anyone for more than a few minutes... I do have friends, but I listen to them more than talk to them. We share some interests.. but hey, they're still pretty stupid.

Society is my sworn enemy. Every advertisement aggravates me, every bit of news depresses me, and every party makes me want to puke. Not a good time to be a teenager, this is indeed. The only real friends I have live in America or Canada or some place too far away. People who share the same painful fate as I do? Something like that. Forever alones, loners, losers, nerds, goths, emos, and so on. That's how people refer to me... or us, rather. And they're right: we are losers, forever alone, loners and are interested in killing ourselves. I may thank every bully I know to remind me of the excruciating truth.

Anyway, right now it's 1:00 AM. Diary entry numbero duo. God, I feel stupid for writing a diary. But it helps, they say. Keeps you sane, so I thought I'd try. It sort of works.

I wonder... every single night and every single morning I wonder how many boys are out there like me that hug their pillows to death. Because I can't be the only one. That's what I get from being neglected all the time... but I love my pillow! I just want to hug someone, and pillows are the only ones that will let me hug them. Do you have any idea how silly I feel every single night?! I feel like a girl. =(

Why? Crushes. Simple word, deadly emotions. I have a crush on multiple girls, some more than the others. I can't stop thinking about her. I don't even know her, but she's oh-my-god-so-incredibly beautiful. And her voice sounds so sweet, and she seems so cute! I can't stand it, I want to be with her! But then again....

What the hell is a girl supposed to do with me? I mean, I'm autistic, shy, weak and depressed. I wouldn't date myself if I were a girl, hell no! Some girls claim they want the sweet, romantic guys, but that's a load of big talk to get attention. Why? Because the cute, sweet guys are BORING. And out-dated, as well. They may love you with all their hearts, but how is that going to help anyone? Money is what people need. And power. And... and... security. And other rediculous stuff nobody needs but EVERYBODY WANTS!! >_<

So yeah, I guess I proved my point: I am never going to find any girlfriend whatsoever. Maybe I should just turn gay, for pity's sake. They won't be as picky as straight males or females, alike.

Ugh... I need some sleep. Tomorrow Jania, oh right, I forget to tell you that's her name, will have lessons in the classroom opposite to mine. I gotta be able to keep my eyes open...

Man, Walter, would you listen to yourself? You're a pathetic piece of garbage, alright.

Alright, whatever, goodnight.