[In the pouring rain]
My eyes feel a little droopy. I don't know what has happened to me. I open my eyes warily and see a hospital room. What is happening? I looked around, searching for a familiar face. I spotted one, it was her and her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. My mother had been crying. As she spotted me, her mouth gaped open and then she gave me a small, sincere smile. I looked towards the door and saw a doctor come in. He had black hair and brown eyes. He smiled at me warmly as he walked over to my bedside with a clipboard in his hands.
"Ms. Jones," He looked at me. "How are you feeling?"
"A bit different. I can't really say I feel sick for sure," I muttered. "What happened?"
"Kristy," I cut him off. "Please call me Kristy. Mr. Jones would be my mother."
"Kristy," His smile started to fade. "I'm afraid that your heart is giving way."
My heart jumped and the irony in that almost made me laugh.
"I don't understand."
"You are undergoing heart failure," He looked towards my mom. "To be more specific, systolic heart failure."
"Go on," I say absent minded.
"Systolic heart failure is when your heart muscle can not pump or eject the blood out of the heart very well." He frowns. "You have about a year left. A few months until the symptoms start to show."
"So I'm going to die?" I whisper.
"Not necessarily. You'll need a heart transplant," He assured me.
"Isn't there some sort of list? Doesn't she get to be on the top?" My mother asks.
"Yes and no," The doctor answered. "There's a list but she'll have to be knocked down a few spots because of her long life span. Not many others have an entire year to live."
"How much is a few?" I asked.
"You are spot twenty-five." That's not a few, I thought. That's a long time. What if I never receive the heart I need. Human hearts don't just come and go. You can't make them in a factory.
When the doctor leaves, I let it all fully sink in. My heart falls to my stomach. This is so unfair. I haven't even reached twenty years of my life. The doctor explained to me that they would be able to provide pills to help some of the pain that will develop. I can supposedly live a normal life over the year, or rather months. I'm so scared and I hope to get that heart soon. I don't want to die.
The next few days were a little different. Around the house, it was silent. I decided to go on a walk and just in case I got bored, I brought along a sketchpad. As I reached the park, I found a bench isolated from everyone. I opened up my sketchpad and stared at the blank page.
"Are you an artist?" A voice behind me asks.
"Not much of one," I smiled. "Hence, the blank page in front of me."
"Do you want to be one?" He ask.
"No," I looked over my shoulder and see a boy with scruffy black hair, crystal blue eyes, and a blinding smile.
"What do you want to be?" He plasters another smile on his face almost making me want to smile with him.
"I want to be someone who lives."
I smiled back at him, thinking of the irony. The funny part of this whole conversation is that he doesn't even know the story behind it. I look at him, taking in his fresh cologne scent, his beautiful blue eyes, black hair, and his smile all at once. he was beautiful, very attractive and besides his to die for blue eyes, his smile was his best feature. I looked at him and watched him make his way next to me and that's when I realized that this boy was going to mean something to me. All of a sudden, I had the urge to cry.
Thinking of the flashback, I start to feel sad. I feel my eyes start to soften in the way they always do when I'm sad. It has been nine months since my doctors appointment and it has been nine months since I met Chase. Lately, I have cherished my days like no other. I have not yet found the heart to tell Chase about the heart that's slowly dying away inside of me. At nights, sometimes it is becoming harder to sleep. Sometimes, I breathe hard and other times I cough. Other times, while I'm out jogging or when I'm simply lying down for a few minutes, my breath becomes short. At dinner, I often begin to lose my appetite and sometimes I become nauseous. I have gained a little weight but I have been doing everything in my power to change that, to keep Chase from noticing.
I hear a knock on the door and I prepare myself. I prepare my thoughts, my feelings, and my heart. My heart was the hardest part of the three. I get up and Chase greets me with a warm hug. I'm going to miss those. I weave my fingers through his and we walk off. We walk in silence, enjoying each others presence, me savoring this moment. We stop in the middle of the moonlit streets. I look up an I notice the clouds begin to roll in. Any minute now, the heavens will cry.
"How are you?" Chase asks, breaking the silence.
"I could be better." He turns me around and wraps his arms around my waist lovingly. He places a gentle kiss on my neck and I can feel the smile being played on his lips.
"Why is that?" He mumbles.
"Everything could always be a little better," I reference to the world.
"That's a lie," He smirks.
"How?" I ask, knitting my eyebrows together.
"Because right now, you're in my arms and knowing that I love you makes it that much better and that's the best." He kisses me on my cheek and pulls me tighter.
"I could imagine other things," I say ever so softly.
"Like what?" He laughs at the challenge.
"Our whole lives spent together." I smile though I know I only have about three months left.
"Oh yea," Chase says turning my body so that I'm facing him. "Well guess what?"
"What?" I giggle.
"I love you," He kisses me on my lips. "Beat that!"
"What," I wrap my arms around his neck. "You think that I can't come up with something better?"
"I know you can't," He smiles.
"Well I love you more," I laugh.
"Damn," He smirks. "I can't beat that."
Chase brings his face closer to mine and kisses me.
"Do you remember the first day we met?" I ask, hearing the sky rumble. Now was my chance.
"I do," He grins wide.
"Remember when you asked me what I wanted to be?" I ask, my smile gradually becoming smaller.
"I remember," He looks at me, his face now serious. "You said that you wanted to be someone who lives."
"Do you want to know why I said that?"
"Why?" He smiles again playfully and I take a step away from him. "Kristy?"
"I said that because," I take a big shaky breath, looking towards the sky. The vision of the moon was wavering and raindrops slowly began to fall. I close my eyes for a second, forgetting about Chase and focusing on the cold raindrops pelting my skin.
"A few days before we met I had a visited a doctor." I say slowly, opening my eyes and looking into Chase's sad blue ones. "He said that I had at least a year left to live if I did not receive the surgery for a heart transplant. I have a bad heart, Chase."
"W-what?" The words came out as a big puff of air. He was holding his breath and I could feel the hurt flowing in his body. I could feel his heart breaking because mine was breaking too.
"It's been nine months and I still haven't gotten one. Under the circumstances then, I was moved down because I had so long." I look away and take a deep breath. "I have exactly three months. Ninety three days. Two thousand and sixteen hours. One hundred and twenty thousand, nine hundred and sixty three minutes left."
"Why didn't you tell me," His footsteps came closer.
"I was afraid, I never expected to fall i love with you and when I did," I pause, my voice breaking. "I didn't want to lose you."
"You could never lose me," He whispers. "Besides, It's just like you said."
I look at him curiously, amazed even.
"You still have three months. Ninety three days. Two thousand and sixteen hours. One hundred and twenty thousand, nine hundred and sixty three minutes to go." He hugs me tight and I pull away.
"But I don't," I cry, the sky finally crying with me. "The odds are against me."
"You don't know that," Chase reasons.
"I do," I turn away, making small steps for an escape. "Last time I checked, there were three other people in front of me. Hearts don't come and go like flimsy paper towels."
"Kristy," He says.
"I have to go," I start to jog away, then getting faster.
"Kristy wait! Please, don't leave me! Don't go!" He yells but I ignore him. I run until I know that he has given up. I stop and watch him walk away, drenched in rain. How could he still love me and my overused heart?
I hear a beeping noise and pick up the pager my doctor gave me. It was flashing green. My phone starts to vibrate and I receive a text. I instantly read it and start to look for Chase. I run after him, my heart pounding in my chest and my pulse racing through my vains.
"Chase!" I yell, the tears still streaming down my face. "Chase!"
I was losing my voice, it was now hoarse and brittle but I had to keep going. My feet were on fire, but I didn't care. I had to get to him no matter what.
"Chase!" I call again, this time I'm almost inaudible against the roaring sky.
I see a figure appear in the distance, the rain making him appear in a blur. My chest heaves up and down, my breath staggers. I need to get to him fast, get to him now. "Chase! I call one last time.
My lehs start to slow down, trembling underneath my weight. I slow down as I feel my knees giving in. Tears begin to stream even faster as my body collapses on the ground. My hands fall onto the gravel road beneath me and I bring my head upwards and see the figure stop in its tracks.
"Chase!" I croak. "Chase!"
I start to get back onto my feet while I still can. I look at Chase and see his head turn in my direction. I almost smile.
"Chase!" I silently wheeze. I start to get closer to him, crawling helpless on my hands and feet. "Chase!"
"Kristy!" I hear my voice being called. I see Chase coming my way, first walking and then running.
"Kristy!" He calls.
"Chase! I'm here," I called to him, my voice squeaking, the rain still pouring making it near impossible for me to be heard.
"What happened? Are you okay?" He yells over the rain, kneeling next to me.
"I'm sorry," I breath out. "I am really sorry but please, you don't have to be sad anymore."
"What are you talking about?" Chase asks, his eyes starting to puff up.
"I love you," I said looking into his eyes and using the little amounts of breath that I could gather.
"I-I got a page, a text." I yell as loud as I can. "I'm not going anywhere! They have a heart for me!"
Chase smiles, tears pouring from his eyes, hitting the ground in unison with the rain. He kisses me so many times and hugs me as if to say I'll never let go. I smile and look at him, my heart swelling with joy.
"I love you so much," He says.
"I love you too!"