I woke up in a sweat
in the middle of the night, my pulse racing, and my heart beating
at speeds that I wasn't even aware they could beat at. I was
scared, I was in pain, and I wanted to cry. I had a nightmare
again, but it might as well have been real. I sat up on my bed,
pressing my back against the cold wall and taking a deep breath.
I looked around my bedroom, hoping that my mind wouldn't make up
creepy images for me to see. I wanted to forget all about my
nightmare. Instead, I just wanted to be with her.
I peered down at my night stand, retrieving my cell phone and hoping there was at least one message from her. I found myself reading a message that she had sent while I was sleeping, "I love you." I clicked on her photo and pressed the small phone icon and waited for her to answer. I didn't want to go back to sleep, or at least go back to sleep alone. I wished that I could lay next to her and see that beautiful smile of hers. I wished that I could hold her in my arms and rub her back like she would sometimes do with me. I wanted to watch her sleep, I wanted to fall asleep with her because I wouldn't have to be scared, I wouldn't have to be hurt; I would be safe.
"Hello?" I hear a voice say on the other line.
"Hey," I said, smiling to myself. "Were you sleeping?"
"You want me to let you go?" I asked reluctantly.
"No, it's okay." I was happy to hear her say that. I was so happy to hear her voice, it was the only thing that could make me feel better.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you too." I didn't mean to wake her, I could hear how tired she was by the way her voice sounded. I almost told her to just go back to sleep but I didn't.
"I miss you so much baby. I wish I was with you."
"I miss you too." She said. "I just want to cuddle with you." It made my heart jump to hear her say that. I loved it when she said that, but I love when she says anything. I could almost feel her next to me, I could almost feel like I was holding her in my arms.
"Are you okay?" I heard her ask, unaware that I was silent for such a long period of time.
"Yeah," I said. "I just had a bad dream." I waited for her to say something but all I received was silence. Had she fell asleep on me?
"Babe?" I said.
"Do you want to go back to sleep?"
"No, I was just waiting for you to tell me about your dream." She muttered, almost to a point where I couldn't understand her.
"Oh." I whispered. "I don't really want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I just want you to be here with me."
"I know," She coughed. "Me too. But I already am, my love."
I didn't say anything.
"I'm always with you. I always will be, even when I'm physically not there." Her words made me smile, it was so cute; she was so cute. "All we have to do is wait one more year, then we can sleep next to each other through out the whole night. You won't have anymore bad dreams. It'll be me and you, together, forever and always."
"You're so cute." I said. "I love you."
"You're cuter," I heard her giggle. "I love you too."
"Goodnight baby, I love you." It was a perfect time to say it, nothing could have given me a more perfect que. "Sweet Dreams. Don't miss me too much."
"Goodnight, I love you too." She said. "I already do my love."
I hung up the phone and set it gently on my night stand. I laid on my side, staring at the picture of her in the frame next to my bed. I loved her so much. She always knows how to make me feel better; she knows how to put a smile on my face. And even though she wasn't physically here with me, I could somehow feel her presence. I was so warm now, so calm, and ready to sleep. I cuddled up to the spare pillow I had, pretending it was her even though I knew it could never be as good as the real thing. I closed my eyes and imagined her face, her beautiful brown eyes peering into mine sleepily, her dark hair all tousled and messy as she lay next to me, and her incredibly soft lips. She was the most beautiful, gorgeous girl I have ever known and loved. I never want to lose her and I know I won't.
"Goodnight baby," I whispered one last time.