Dear Future Lover,
You are going to steal my heart and promise to never give it back.
For that reason, I will thank you; I will thank you for ending the misery that will have had haunted me until the day my eyes will have met yours, I will thank you for having put the reflection of light back into my solid eyes, I will thank you for having held the hand of someone who was once untouchable. Call me pessimistic, which you will, but I know you will love me regardless of my many flaws. Which, for future notice, are that I have a temper; so if I ever go on a rage for a not-so-important reason, all I will need is a cuddle and a kiss on the forehead. You should also know that when I say I will do something, I mean I will do it after you've moaned at me to do it for the next three days, but just know that I will do it and put my all into making it perfect… even if that cup of coffee is then three days late.
Dear Future lover,
Today is my birthday; it's a nice thought to know that one day I will wake up on the morning of my birthday with your arms around me. I know you will do everything to make sure it's unforgettable, maybe throw me a party with all of our family and friends, and you will have your arms around me with the odd kiss even if our family and friends are watching. You will never leave me alone because you know I wouldn't want you to, for you will be my favourite birthday present.
But for now I am alone, staring at clocks, taking in every tick; I am waiting for you, my love, please hurry to me.
See you soon,
Dear Future Lover,
Another birthday without you is not a birthday at all, I need you. I'm getting tired of this... for fuck sake.
Where are you?! Please, I don't think I can handle another year of waiting. It's like my clock has stopped and I'm just sat waiting for a tick that will never come. Hurry, my love. I'm scared I will never find you. I'm scared my hands will be forever empty. The days sat in the dark no longer seem separate. I'm scared, my love.
Waiting for you,
Dear Future Lover,
I would just like to tell you how beautiful your blue eyes are. Yes, my love, I have found you. Though our meeting was brief and you didn't double take, I felt it. I felt your glowing, perfect, aura. I knew we would be together. I just wish you would know the colour of my eyes, love. I wish you would smile at me the way I do to you. I wish you knew how wonderful you looked under the golden lights above the bar. I wish you knew how adorable your laugh was when hearing a joke you had heard many times before. I wish you knew… me.
But I found you and it seems the clock is slowly starting to tick again.
Nice seeing you,
Dear Future Lover,
You smiled back at me today, after weeks of harmless talking at the same bar you eventually smiled back. Although you realised soon enough you were glaring into my stone eyes and looked away, I felt it. I felt us. Because there is an us, there is a we and to others… there is a they. I wish to talk with you some more if you wouldn't mind, for I had a dream about us, what a wonderful dream it was. I dreamt we were walking through a forest, only sleeping bags strapped to our backs, with my hands fitting perfectly in mould with yours; hanging onto the only thing valuable to us both... each other. I dreamt we didn't have any idea how long or where we were going to stay, but that we were going to stay together… forever. Because I look at you, I look at your deep blue eyes and your dark brown hair and I think "Wow, there you are." You are him.
Speak to you soon,
Dear Almost Lover,
"That kiss." That's all I have said since it happened. It came as a shock to you, I know. I didn't expect it either. The way we stared at each other, the way you finally knew the colour of my brown eyes, the way you touched my chin, the way you sighed before resting your forehead on mine. Then the kiss, the kiss, the Kiss! But that wasn't the best part; the best part was the breath before our lips touched. The breath that said "You're mine…and I am yours." That kiss was all I ever needed. The clock was in full motion; I knew nothing but the ticks of our hearts in sync at that moment. That moment… before you sighed and said "I have to go, sorry." Then grabbed your coat and hurried out of my door. But I wish you had stayed, I wish you had sat back down on my worn down sofa and we had carried on laughing. I wish we could have replayed that moment when the laugh died out and the love was in birth. I wish I could feel the touch of your hand on mine again as we accidently lent too close to each other. I wish I could feel the warmth that came over me as you touched my chin; the moment I knew what was about to happen. But you left. You left because you're not used to this, you left because you didn't expect to have a moment like that with someone like me. You didn't think you would ever have feelings for someone like me. For you had just broke up with your girlfriend, you had just been drinking your way to get over her. But you drank your way to me. To my place, to my lips; I have fallen for you, Almost Lover. My dream seems not that long away since you told me about your plans to travel. My heart no longer seems lonely, for it has someone to look forward to. I am in love with you, Almost Lover; but that's all you are: my dream, the moment, the never-to-be-again. For you like women; and I am not a woman.
Missing you already,
Those were the words you whispered to me this morning as I awoke to a room full of presents and flowers. Those were the words I had longed for you to say, with the slight sigh of joy in your voice and a smile within your sleepy eyes, followed by a kiss on the cheek and a "Morning beautiful." I smiled. I smiled like I had just walked into our Eden. Despite the travelling tickets, the camping gear and the rose petals, your naked body lying next to mine was the most valued in that moment.
I had longed you.
I had wanted you.
I had found you.
I had kissed you.
I had lost you.
I had re-discovered you.
I had cried with you.
I had laughed with you.
I love you.
I love you because, now I know that all this time, you had been waiting for me too. All this time you'd been sat at the bar with your glass half empty, numbly staring at the face of your unwanted future, listening to the unneeded and distasteful slurred jokes from those who know better. You were scared you would never find love again… but you found your way to me, and I to you.
So, my dear lover, I leave you with this to conclude my boundless amount of letters:
My clock will be forever ticking for you… in sync with yours.
Your Thomas xxx