Good bye Taylor

“Taylor, don’t turn your back on me!”

I shouted as the rain falls down on me, drenching me from head to toe. I watched as his back turned to me. His shoulders slouch as I tell him everything. Thing he doesn’t want to hear, things he needs to know.

It was a long night full of regret and pain. I waited for him after work all those hours ago. I wanted to tell him I loved him before I went to bed. I wanted to show him how much I loved him. It’s been a while since we made love, with me going to school and working every day, love was sparse in our little one bedroom apartment. He was a manager with stress and ignorant employees that just punched in and punched out. Our relationship was nonexistent for a month. I had finals and he had an audit to prepare for, I passed and he got written up. I thought we were in love and I thought we love each other.

She worked for him, his mistress. I found out a year into their relationship. I was so ashamed, so hurt and so embarrassed. I did what I shouldn’t have. I met him in school.

He was another student that was majoring in science like me. His name was Jimmy, named after his father, who was named after his father. We were talking one time and he has having trouble with his girlfriend at the time. He said that they were different people. He knew they wanted different things in their lives. He said he was willing to try again. I told him that he could try as hard as he can, they want two different things. Ha can’t force love that isn’t there. They broke up a week later. What caught my attention was a vulnerable side that I never witnessed before, never from a male perspective. He was willing to try again even though he tired so many times before. I comforted him by patting his hand. He turned and hugged me. In that moment I started to have feeling I only had for one person.

One night I was studying late with Jimmy. It was for a final and Jimmy’s roommates were studying somewhere else for the night. It was late and we had just finished studying six hours straight. It was midnight as I started to gather up my things and made my way to his door. He was holding my jacket open as I slid my arms through. I thanked him and smiled as he fixed my color down. My smile turned down and I parted my lips. He leaned in and I stayed still, shocked as he pressed his lips to mine. His arms wound around to my back as he pressed me against the wall. His arms were strong as I open my mouth letting him kiss me more. My hands wound around his face and pulled him closer to me. He pressed me against the wall as I felt his hot breath on my neck. I was gasping for air as he trailed his lips over my neck and back to my lips. His wide hands moved over my body only one man has touched before. I whispered his name and pushed him away gently. He apologized as I tried to explain that I was with Taylor. He nodded and pulled away slowly.

Over the next weeks I smiled and shared myself as he did with me. I avoided Taylor at home and I escaped to the comfort of Jimmy’s apartment. He was comfortable and a place I can relax and be myself. Sometimes I would see his lips and I would remember how they felt on my own lips and across my neck. It would stir the emotion and the passion I felt during out kiss.  Every once in a while I would feel his eyes on me and a look of desire would cross his face, the same look Taylor had on his face all those years ago.

“You don’t love me anymore. I know it and you know it. I’m the only one who is willing to say something.” I was walking after him more heated than I was previously. “Taylor, don’t pretend you’re so innocent. I saw you with Rebecca. I know you’re cheating on me.”

There was a jerk in his shoulders as I brought up Rebecca. She was nothing compared to me. She was shorter than me, stockier that I was and she didn’t know how to wear make-up. Her face was like a kabuki, pale face, red lips, and black eyes.

“Rebecca is a better than you at everything.”

That surprised me.

“Everything?” my voice was a whisper as I thought about her with him. Everything I touched she touched, everything I kissed, she kissed, every feeling he made me feel, she felt it too.

I crumbled to the floor not realizing I was on the asphalt in the middle of a parking lot. He watched me from his height as I stood up. I didn’t do anything with Jimmy. The worst thing we did was kiss. Taylor and I weren’t married but we lived it, we agreed to it, I guess I was the only one who felt it.

I stood up and straighten my shoulders and clothes the best I could. The rain was a light sprinkle as I stared at Taylor.

“I don’t want to see you again.”

“What?”

“You heard what I said; I don’t want to see you ever again.”

He pulled my arm in an attempt to pull me back. I yanked out my arm and shoved him hard in the chest.

“Don’t touch me.” I glowered at him.

“You know you’re boy toy won’t stay long. Once he gets what he wants he’ll be done with you.”

“You know what. I don’t care if he leaves me, I’m glad to be rid of you.”

I walked away and never looked back.