Dancing. I've always loved dancing.
I sat among the audience, watching with a big smile on my face, as my little sister danced around her little group in small bounds and leaps. As the tinkling music slowed to a stop, my little sister hopped to the front of the stage as some sort of ballerina fairy and fell to her knees, head bowed and hands clasped to her chest. The lights dimmed for an instant and then everyone was screaming and clapping, me along with them.
After my sister got picked up and we were driving in the car, she kept asking me about her performance.
"Was it good? Did you like it? I nearly fell down in the end…but I didn't!" she said, puffing out her small little chest proudly. I smiled and ruffled her hair.
"Don't worry, baby rose. You were absolutely terrific!"
I watched as her face split into a wide smile and then as she started singing. My mom and dad in front started laughing and singing along.
As we got home, I went straight to my bedroom, ignoring my parents' sad and hurt look as I skipped their wonderfully prepared dinner yet again.
I wasn't able to eat yet. I thought that maybe I needed a bit more time. A little bit more time to get over the guy who taught me how to dance.
*A Few Weeks Ago*
"Joanna! You're doing it wrong again! How many times to I have to tell you not to spin before the leap?" screamed my dance instructor. I winced and quickly straightened my dancing position.
"Sorry, Lillian! I'll try again!"
And off I went, trying desperately to move in the steps she instructed but….
"AGAIN! Joanna! You cannot become a dancer, no matter what!" screamed Lillian. I flinched as the words stabbed me in the heart. I loved dancing but unfortunately for me, I couldn't do what I loved doing. Because I was just that unfit.
I was slightly chubby, with a slightly round tummy. I was losing weight because of dance practice basically every week and dieting so hard.
Yet, my body couldn't do the delicate twist and elegant bounds. I was depressed by this fact and couldn't keep a smile on my face for the rest of the dance practice. As soon as class was over, I ran to the women's bathroom and into a closed stall where I started to cry.
After I was nearly done with crying, I heard the bathroom door open and a set of footsteps pass my stall. I couldn't contain a hiccup that followed after my tears and it came out, pausing whatever person had entered. The footsteps slowed down and retreated back to my stall. The person knocked on the door and before she could call out I answered.
"Don't worry, I'm fine."
There was a pause and then a voice called out and I was beyond shocked at the deepness of the voice.
"Joanna? What are you doing here?"
Shocked, I swung open the door and it hit my best friend's face with a loud twack.
"Oh My God, Adrian! Are you okay?" I asked, jumping to my feet and pulling his hand down from his face to get a better look at the injury. His nose was red and his eyes were watering from the sting.
"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." I said, trying to keep a straight face. Adrian looked at me and pulled a face, causing me to laugh loudly.
"Anyways, what are you doing in the women's bathroom?" I asked, pointing at the sign behind me. Adrian gave me a funny look before he straightened up.
"But, Jo, that's the men's sign."
I turned around to prove him wrong and was shocked to see that he was actually right. I blushed in embarrassment and ran out in horror. Just as I reached the empty dance studio, Adrian ran up and caught my arm.
"What's wrong, Jo? Why were you crying?"
After I explained what had happened, Adrian pulled me into a bear hug and told me that all was okay. After he made sure I was smiling and happy again, he dashed off because he would be late for his part time job.
Rolling my eyes at Adrian's silly expression before he ran off, I opened the door to the studio and stepped in. As I hurried through the list of music CD's in the stereo, I kept playing in my head what Lillian said and what Adrian said.
My mind paused on Adrian's smile and my heart skipped a beat. Just as long as I've loved dancing, I've also always loved Adrian. Since we were kids, I've always liked him. That's why I was always single. I didn't have the heart to accept any guys when I was in love with my best friend.
That and the fact that was chubby, are the reasons why I'm constantly single. I've never even had my first kiss yet. An eighteen year old who hadn't gotten her first kiss.
I danced along the tune of the music, letting out all my depression and frustration and sadness. I continued this way for a while until I caught my breath and saw an utterly gorgeous boy sitting by my bag, watching me make a fool of myself.
"Uh…Uhh…Um…What…Umm…?" I stammered, flushing red from embarrassment at being caught dancing in front of a really handsome guy. The guy grinned and got up, coming towards me.
"Hi. My name's Kevin. I'm Lillian's nephew."
I gaped. He didn't look anything like Lillian. While Lillian was short with blond hair, Kevin was tall with amazing dark brown hair and sparkling chocolate brown eyes.
I blushed as I shook his hand, my heart racing.
"Joanna? That's a nice name."
From then, we clicked and became fast friends. He offered to teach me how to dance and I accepted. I mean, who wouldn't?
Soon, we became more than friends and I started to fall for him. I wasn't sure he loved me until he showed me the day before his dance competition. We danced and danced until we were exhausted, falling onto the floor in each other's arms. His face was so close to me and I couldn't help but stare back into his beautiful eyes. Before I knew it, he closed the distance between our mouths and fireworks were set off. I clung onto him, savoring my first kiss with a guy who felt the same way as I did with him.
Not the case, however.
Soon after we started dating, my world revolved around him, I didn't have time for my girlfriends or my best friend, Adrian. I no longer went to my little sister's dance rehearsals and I started to skip dinner to join Kevin's dinner dates. My parents and my sister weren't as important to me as before and I rarely got to see them.
Everything about me was all Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Adrian no longer came around for movie nights and I found that I didn't miss him that much. Although I should've felt guilty…I didn't. This was my first time being in love with someone who felt the same way about me.
To make Kevin happy, I worked out and started to diet harder than ever before. Soon, I was slim enough to be considered pretty. I started wearing short dresses and lots of makeup to please him.
Then one day, it all came crashing down.
After Kevin's dance competition, I came to meet him backstage after the show to congratulate him on his superb performance, when I saw him leaning forwards and kissing a pretty, blond girl. His arms closed around her and my heart shattered.
Heartbroken, I stomped over to him and kicked his shin to get his attention. When he saw me, his eyes flared in anger.
"What the hell, Joanna? Can't you see I'm busy?" he growled. I stared at him in mute disbelief.
"Everything was a lie?" I whispered. Kevin rolled his eyes and turned to answer me.
"Well, obviously. You have no idea how hard I had to try to pretend to love you. To say 'I love you' to you in public and in private was horrifying. And holding your disgusting chubby hands in public was beyond gut wrenching." Kevin sneered as he let out insult after insult at me. "You always want to wear short things to show you fat thighs and equally fat ankles. Don't bother with the makeup, you're too ugly with and without it on."
My heart was shattered, my life was destroyed. All this time I loved him and he never loved me back.
I took a step back from Kevin and the new girl before I turned and ran out. I took off my heels and ran barefooted all the way to my house where I locked myself up in my bedroom and cried.
I cried for all I was worth…..I cried for all the times I ditched my friends for Kevin….I cried for all the times my sister begged for me to come to her dance rehearsals…..and I cried for giving up my love for Adrian to a guy like Kevin.
Days after the breakup with Kevin, I didn't leave my room. I didn't eat much and I hardly got out of bed. My parents begged me to get out of the room. They missed me.
My sister wouldn't talk to me, hurt that I ignored her and the rest of my family while I was with Kevin.
My friends no longer called me and Adrian wasn't around to cheer me up. I realized that I missed Adrian much, much more than I thought while I was with Kevin. I ached for Adrian.
I wanted to see his blue eyes and messy, dark hair. I wanted to see his slightly crooked smile and his heart-shaped birthmark on his neck. But most of all, I wanted to see the look that came into his eyes when he looked at me.
I realized that I was still very much in love with Adrian while I was with Kevin.
I cried again, this time out of real pain for losing the chance to make Adrian fall for me.
Love hurts. It hurt too much to be considered 'love'.
I finally went down for dinner. I changed from my jogging clothes to proper jeans and an oversize, forgotten t-shirt which belonged to Adrian. I tied my brown hair into a lose braid and didn't put on any makeup. My eyes were no longer dead and red, although my smile still needed to come back.
My parents looked up from where they were busy eating pasta and paused when they saw me.
I wasn't wearing shoes and I didn't look to be going out. But it was clear that they weren't sure if I was joining them or not. My sister just smiled at me and pointed at the seat opposite her. My glance flickered to the empty chair and I made my way to my place at the table. As I sat down, my mother started crying and my dad beamed. I smiled at their reactions and helped myself to their yummy pasta.
The next day, I was sitting in front of the T.V, bored out of my mind while my mother was busy in the garden, talking to someone on the telephone. My dad had taken my sister to her friend's house and no longer had friends to hang out with. I had sent them all messages on facebook, apologizing and asking to meet them all soon. After I signed out, I was too scared to sign back in, in case they rejected the offer. I've already been too badly rejected and I couldn't take it anymore.
My mom came back into the front room, reached for the remote and switched off the TV. As I looked at her with a mock horror-struck expression, she just rolled her eyes.
"Oh, Anna. You can't spend your summer vacation like this. Go out. Enjoy yourself!" she paused and added lightly, "Go to that lovely area you used to take me to, remember? See if they have any more pretty flowers and bring them back."
I sighed and got up.
Then I went to my bedroom. Normally, I would've refused but I couldn't disagree with my mom. I can't spend my summer vacation like this.
I changed from sweats to a red dress that went a bit above my knees. This was a dress that my girlfriends had given me the day before I met Kevin.
I matched it with a pair of red pumps and left my hair open. Grabbing a small, black bag, I slipped in my mobile, earphones and my ballet shoes.
I normally go to mine and Adrian's special place to dance. Sighing, I turned and walked out of my room and out of the house. I decided to walk there since it really wasn't very far, considering that the lush woods was just behind our house. I walked up the green path that lead to the sweet-sounding river and stopped.
I breathed in the scent of the trees and water and sighed. How I missed this place. I looked around and smiled.
As I scanned the rows of beautiful flowers, I spotted something that shouldn't be there. A small, portable CD player.
I walked towards it and recognized it as one of my girlfriends', Marilyn's CD player. Perplexed, I looked around again and didn't see anyone.
"Hah! She came! I told you!"
I swiveled around to see all four of my girlfriends, Marilyn, Jessica, Amanda and Stacey along with Adrian, standing and grinning at me.
My hands flew to my mouth in shock.
"Wh-what are you guys….?"
"Thought we'd surprise you." Said Stacey, faking a surprised look.
"But since you didn't reply to our facebook messages, we decided to call your mom," giggled Amanda, twirling and clapping her hands.
"We understand about Kevin. He was such an ass to begin with," chided Jessica, pulling a face and then rolling her eyes.
"And Adrian was getting so pissed when you had your first kiss with Kev -" started Marilyn, until Adrian clamped a hand on her mouth.
"Ssssh!" he hissed, blushing. I blinked and ran to them, pulling them all into a bear hug.
"I love you guys and I'm so sorry! I really am!"
After laughing and teasing and catching up, Adrian went over to the CD player and switched it on, one of my ballet songs coming on. I blinked in surprise, as he came and held out a hand in front of me.
I glanced at my friends, mystified and blushed when they all giggled and gave me knowing looks.
I reached out and clasped Adrian's hand and he pulled me tightly against his body. My heart started pounding and as I pulled back to look into his eyes, I saw the special look that came into his eyes when he looked at me. My face reddened and I looked down.
As we started moving in time to the beat of the music, I was surprised. I never knew Adrian could dance and he danced really well. While we danced he whispered everything that has been on his mind.
"Jo, I've always loved you. Since we were kids. I don't care if you're chubby or fat. It's who you are that matters….not what you look like," he pushed me away from his body, only holding my hand and then pulled me back in a twirl so that my arm was crossed over my body and was still holding his hand. My heart pounded at the sound of his words and I couldn't stop blushing.
"When you started dating Kevin and you stopped talking to me, I was angry and hurt. More hurt than angry, really. I was also very jealous when you had your first kiss with him…" Adrian muttered, not wanting to let the others hear him. The girls were all hooting and making heart shapes with their fingers and hands.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" I whispered as I danced away from him and near to the river. He caught me and made me spin before pulling me back against his body.
"Because you never seemed ready. And…well….I was too much of a coward to tell you."
As he lifted me into the air, I brought my leg high into the air and locked my gaze onto his. As he slowly lowered my down, our faces close together, he kissed me….slowly and very sweetly. I heard the click of a camera but I didn't bother looking at who took the picture. I was distracted by the sweet smile on Adrian's face and then I smiled back. Kissing him once again.
As I pulled back, my heart was swelling with happiness and warmth at all my friends and family have done for me. I looked from Adrian to my girlfriends who were laughing and teasing amongst each other, thinking about how they stayed with me and how easily they all forgave….and what true friends really meant. My eyes watered and before I knew it, tears were pouring from my eyes. Not wanting my laughing friends to notice, I turned away from them and looked at flowing river. I felt Adrian's hands come up and wipe my tears away. He gave me a questioning look and I kissed him, more tears coming out.
"I'm not sad. These are happy tears." As Adrian relaxed and smiled, I thought about how lucky I was.
Although Kevin didn't love me and it hurt, I was happy for it. I now cried, not for the pain that Kevin inflicted on me, but on the fact that I have people surrounded around me who truly loves me for who I am.
These were tears of joy, even though love hurts and can pretty much be a pain in the butt. But I had Adrian, and if we do breakup, I will treasure all the happy times we had together and just…..smile.
Picture Taken By Stacey down below!
A/N: I Hope you enjoy this and….just enjoy! LOL, this was entered for Lemonadefreak's Tears of Joy and Love's a Pain Competition. I insist you guys join and have fun! It shouldn't really matter if you win or not! At least someone out there will genuinely enjoy what you wrote and that is enough to make me happy! :D Muwahahah…I sound like such a….pathetic sap :P LOL