The thought of falling in love truly makes me sick. It’s like waiting in line at an amusement park for a scary ride, you think of everything negative that could happen, and then once you’re on the ride you feel sick from all the thinking. That’s how I feel when I think of love and romance. I know that I was supposed to not have a sole mate. I was put on this Earth to become a pediatrician and help little children, not find some guy to love.
I pull into my parent’s driveway. I have been staying with them for the summer because I didn’t have a place to go. I worked most of this summer at a fashion store at the mall. I am so sick of seeing girls between of the ages of 13 and 17 going shopping with their daddy’s credit cards or sugar daddy’s they met online. I mean, who the hell can afford a plain, boring white shirt that costs 250 dollars? Not a normal person like me. Well, I guess I am normal.
So after spending the whole two and half months working I got enough for an apartment. I knew that I had to keep working to stay in the apartment so I got an actual fun job. I am working at a health clinic helping people who are sick or hurt. I have always loved helping people, which is why I want to be a doctor.
I walk up to my bedroom and finish packing the last of my clothing. I set it in a suitcase and set it down next to a box labeled ‘Wall Crap’. I grab that box and carefully make my way downstairs. I can barely see where I am walking. I pray that I don’t fall.
Happily making it on flat ground, I open my front door and walk outside to my car. I pop the truck and set down the box. I walk back inside and see my twin brother, Ty walking to the kitchen. I follow him into the kitchen and see someone else.
It’s a guy, an abnormally, amazingly gorgeous guy. I, Emma Collins, actually think a guy is attractive. He is very tall, at least 6’2, he has medium length blonde waves, bright sea blue eyes, and lightly tanned skin. He’s beautiful and I am saying that. It’s a miracle!
“Hey Ty, do you know where mom put the rest of the tape and boxes?” I asked trying to stop from looking at the guy next to my brother.
Ty turned around and nodded, “Yeah, I think she said it’s in the hall closet or the hall shelf or something.”
I walk out of the kitchen only to hear my name being shouted. I turn back around and walk back into the kitchen.
“Emma this is my best friend Lyle. Lyle, this is my twin sister, Emma.”
I hold out my hand for him to shake. He takes it and I feel a strange feeling go through my body. It’s like when your leg falls asleep, but in a good way. I smile and then let my hand drop back to my side.
“It’s nice to meet you, Lyle.”
Lyle smiles shyly and nods, “It’s nice to meet you, too, Emma. Your brother talks about you all the time. It’s quite cute how close you two are.”
I continue to smile. But why the heck is my brother talking about me? Especially to his extremely hot best friend?
“Well Ty and I are twins!”
“I can tell. But you’re defiantly the prettier one,” he jokes.
I burst out laughing. He’s also funny! God what the hell is wrong with me?
“I should get back to packing. It was nice to meet you again, Lyle. And thank you again, Ty.”
I leave the room and go to the hallway. I find the tape and make my way to finish my packing. Why does part of me want to stay?
I set the last box on the hard light brown floor of my apartment. My best friend is sitting in the center of the apartment on the bright red sofa. I walk over and join her. She stops reading her copy of Seventeen Magazine and looks over at me.
I met my best friend Galena in third grade. It was picture day and I was wearing my favorite pink and purple lacey dress. Galena was wearing a very fashionable shirt and high waist skirt. We were in alphabetical order. Galena’s last name is Burn so she was right in front of me. Right as the kid in front of Galena was going to get his picture taken the bully in our class dumped her chocolate milk all over me. Her and little possy all broke out into laughter, until Galena pushed her out then dumped her left over pudding on her. Lucky for the bully was her last name was Zoë, so she was last. The pudding hardened and her picture was worse than mine by far. Galena and I began to laugh like crazy over that. We were attached to the hip after that. Now we’re roommates.
“I see you still haven’t outgrown your Seventeen Magazine,” I comment. She literally has every copy from year 2000 to now. Her closet is packed with them. It’s her little secret that I only know.
“Seventeen Magazine is the best damn magazine ever, okay!”
I begin to giggle and she joins in. Galena is the best friend I could ever have. The only thing that we fight over is that she thinks I need to find love. I am going on 22 now and she says I should at least have a steady boyfriend.
I mean, it’s not like I have never had a boyfriend before. I have had plenty. Well, five and they all but one lasted between three weeks and three months. When I was a freshman in high school Andrew from my theater class asked me out. We went out for two weeks. I guess the play we were in together was too much for both of us to handle. Then when I was a junior in high school I met Henry. I thought he was so amazing until he asked me out. He always wanted to go meet at the mall and asked me to buy his drinks or food. We lasted a week. When I started college I didn’t want to find anybody. But this guy in my biology 101 class decided it would be cool to ask me out. Lukas and I lasted two months before I caught him cheating on me with this other girl in our biology 101 class. And honestly, I wasn’t that hurt about it. Then the same year there was Dillon from Chemistry. He was a total geek (nothing wrong with that) and wanted to just study together. We went on one date and it was at the science fair. I was bored to tears. That’s when it ended. Then my last boyfriend was sophomore year of college. I met Brandon on my morning walk to Starbucks around the corner from my parent’s house. I was just leaving with my delicious strawberries and cream Frappuccino. Brandon’s dog then tackled me, my drink was all over me and I was very embarrassed. After that day we went out for three months. But I guess he got bored. Sex was too important to him and he didn’t like that I was busy a lot.
Boys are just something I know I don’t need. Romance isn’t something I need. Love isn’t even a factor in this equation. It’s not going to happen. Ever.
“Emma you look surprisingly happy. What is up with you?” Galena asked completely honest.
I turned my head to face Galena. I probably looked like a deer in the headlights. I have no idea why the hell I am happy. But I know that I am scared Lyle has something to do with it all.
“Maybe it has to do with our last year of university starting soon?” I lie.
Galena got up from her spot on the sofa and began jumping around like a chicken with its head cut off. I was left sitting on the sofa confused as hell. What is going on with my best friend?
“You met a guy didn’t you?!” she practically screamed at the top of her lungs.
I inhaled a deep breath and then quickly exhaled. I left the room and walk to my bedroom. It was basically empty, but I don’t care. I have a bed and that’s all that I need right now.
It’s been two weeks since I met Lyle and since Galena totally freaked out. I haven’t spoken to Galena about Lyle and she doesn’t need to know anything. But tonight I am super nervous since I will be seeing all of those people in the same room. Tonight my parents are throwing an end of summer party and basically the whole neighborhood is invited. I, of course, invited Galena and I am guessing Ty invited Lyle.
After taking a quick shower I put on a floral flowery tank top and blank short shorts. I finish the outfit with silver gladiator sandals. I put my long straight hair in a messy bun and put on eyeliner and mascara on. I finish with bright red lipstick that I am known to wear.
I walk out into the living room to see Galena waiting for me. She’s in a lovely summer dress that is bright and cutesy. She defiantly is looking forward to this party. And to be honest, I might be looking forward to it as well.
“Emma Collins, are you dressed up for this party?”
I totally hate that Galena notices anything. Every time I change or switch something she’ll notice. I guess it is kind of a good thing since she’s my best friend for life.
“I don’t think I look too dressy. You’re more dressed up than me!”
“Whatever! I actually am looking forward to this party.”
I roll my eyes and then walk to the front door to open it. I grab my car keys and wait for Galena to follow me out the door to my car.
“Please don’t make out with Ty in front of me, okay?” I tell her.
“I can’t promise that. We’re young and in love.”
I let out a fake gaging noise. Galena and my brother Ty have always liked each other. Then during freshman year of college my brother finally asked her out. They have been going out ever since. I can see them being together forever. They’re perfect for each other. Since I am saying that, it has to be right. I don’t joke with true love.
“I can’t keep this from you anymore, Emma.”
I turn the radio off and try to listen why watching the road. I am a very nervous driver at times.
“Tell me, dammit!”
I can see Galena facing me. I can’t really look at her right now, but I open my ears.
“Ty proposed. We’re engaged and we are announcing it tonight.”
Surprisingly I let out a happy scream of joy. I have been waiting for this news for months. Ty told me that he was going to propose and didn’t want me to give any hints or tell Galena. I did my best and thankfully, I didn’t say a word. A few times when she was trying to figure out why he wanted to go all these places on this specific Saturday almost cost her shock and surprise. But luckily I kept my big mouth shut.
“I am so happy for you two! It’s about freaking time.”
“Are you actually happy about this, Emma?” Galena sounded so stunned.
I pull up in front of my parent’s house. I open my car door and step out. Once Galena is out of the car I lock the doors and walk to the front door. The house light is on so Galena puts her left hand out, showing me the gorgeous diamond ring Ty got for her. It was totally Galena, all sparkly but not too sparkly, simple but not 1900 simple.
The front door magically opened and Galena quickly put her hand down at her side. I look up and see Lyle opening the door. He gives me a gorgeously sweet smile and Galena and I walk inside.
“Hello Lyle,” I say.
“It’s nice to see you again, Emma.”
I smile and walk off to the kitchen. I see my mother and father talking about some new thing they want to add to the house. I roll my eyes and then I am faced with Ty. He is glowing. It makes me want to be that happy.
Ty pulls me into a tight embrace. I hug him back and then release. Ty gives me his smartass smile, meaning he knows I know. I pretend to not know what he is talking about and then walk off.
I go upstairs to put my sweater in the closet. I am surprised that there aren’t more guests here yet. I open the hallway closet and grab a white hanger. I put my sweater on it and shut the closet door. I am then standing next to Lyle.
“How may I help you, Lyle?” I ask.
He takes a step closer to me and says, “Is it strange that I can’t stop thinking about my best friend’s sister?”
I feel a lump in my throat. I feel like I am going to vomit everything I have eaten all over him and the lovely new flooring, but all of that in a good way, of course. I can’t look into Lyle’s eyes. I know that I will give up and end up doing something stupid.
I guess I will always be that stupid.
Just as the song What Means the Most begins to start playing; Lyle lightly touches my chin, making me look at him in the eyes. God he has lovely blue eyes. I think blue eyes are my favorite. I always go weak for them, well I just learned that.
The other day when someone asked me are you living your dream? I didn’t know what to say. I honestly had to think. I try to be so many different places at the same time. Every day a million things cluttering up my mind. Another feather falling off my wings. I climb so high it gets hard to breathe. Forget to remember what I really need.
I don’t know what is wrong with me anymore. I suddenly pull Lyle’s lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and begin playing with his blonde waves. He puts his arms at the crook of my waist and pulls me to him. He wants me and I want him. He licks my bottom lip, asking for his entrance. I give it to him. I feel like I am a sparkler. I am on fire and I feel sparks, like I am bursting everywhere. Lyle lays kisses down my jaw then up to my cheeks and back down to my lips. I hungrily continue to kiss him.
What means the most to me is waking up next to you, feeling the morning breeze. You’re my favorite thing and I love coming home to your arms, when you kiss me hello, it’s these simple things that mean the most to me.
I release and grab Lyle’s hand. I bring him into my bedroom. I close the door and lock it behind me. I put my index finger on Lyle’s chest and push him backwards onto my bed. I straddle him and begin to kissing him again. His hands find their way to my waist and then they begin to play with the hem of my tank top. My hands find their way to the hem of his dark gray blue T-shirt. I pull it over his head and I am left with his perfect abs and arms. I move my hands along his stomach and arms. He lets out a groan and pulls my shirt over my head. I am left in just my plain black bra.
I had sex with my brothers’ best friend. I had sex with my brothers’ very attractive best friend. I had sex with Lyle. I had mind-blowing sex with Lyle, my brothers’ best friend.
I finish putting my clothing back on and look at Lyle. He is sitting on my bed, fully clothed, and staring at me. He still looks turned on and something else. I just can’t figure out what else.
“Are you okay?” I ask scared that he just hated everything we just did.
He turns his head up so he is staring into my eyes. Damn his blue eyes could hepatize anyone. “I am amazing.”
I smile and then turn around and leave the room. What am I supposed to do now? This is going to be pretty damn awkward now. I walk downstairs and then hear Lyle following me. I hope he doesn’t think we’re together now that we just had sex. I can’t have a boyfriend. You know me; I am un-date-able.
“Where are you going, Emma?” Lyle shouts out.
I feel my face flush. I know if Galena hears or sees this she’ll never let it go. I turn around and feel totally awkward. I don’t know what the hell to do. This guy is amazingly attractive, smart, a great lover, and many other great things. But he doesn’t need me. I’ll just fuck everything up, that’s something nobody needs.
“I don’t want everybody to think I went messing.”
Lyle lets out a laugh. I can’t help but laugh, too. His laugh is so contagious it’s crazy. I love his laugh.
“I don’t want everybody to think I went missing either,” he replies.
“Then let’s head back to the party.”
I see Galena standing with Ty. They’re holding hands and talking to some of my parent’s neighbors. I walk over to her and ask her if we can talk for a few minutes. I know she won’t shut up about this, but I need to tell her. She is my best friend and she’ll know what to do.
I tell her, everything.
“Emma! You totally need to just have some more fun with him. You need it. You’re always working and in class, do something fun for once, like shagging Lyle.”
That was signature Galena. I pull her into a tight hug and then walk off to enjoy the rest of the party.
I slowly get out of my bed. I cover up myself with Lyle’s dress shirt he was wearing last night and walk to the bathroom. I guess you could say that Lyle and I have been seeing a lot of each other the past few weeks. It has been two weeks since we first had sex at the end of the summer party. It’s a bit more than friends with benefits relationship, but it is not a real love relationship.
I come back into the bedroom and see Lyle getting dressed. I smile and walk over to him. He gets a glow on his face and pulls me towards him. He has his hands on my waist. He gives me a couple peaks and then let’s me go.
“May I have my shirt back, Emma?” he asks ever so sweetly.
I take it off slowly and hand it back to him. I then walk to my closet and find clothes that I should wear for the day. I don’t come back out because I know that Lyle has left. I won’t lie, it kind of hurts to see him leave, but I don’t want love. Not one bit.
After finishing off my outfit I walk out to the kitchen. I take out a black mug and pour in some coffee. I take a much needed sip and swallow. I close my eyes every time I take a sip. Coffee calms me down, even if I think it tastes awful.
“Good morning, Em,” Galena says to me just waking up.
“Good morning to you, too, Galena.”
I finish off my coffee and set the mug in the sink. I go over to the dining room table and grab my book bag. I put in all of my text books and get ready to go on my way to class and then work. I am dreading the long, long day.
“What’s the matter, Em?” Galena asks.
I turn my head up to face her. I didn’t think anything was wrong. I am still a bit disappointed that Lyle just left with a goodbye or anything. But I know I will live. We’re just sex friends.
“Nothing is the matter. I am just tired I guess.”
“Bull shit, Em. You’re falling for him, aren’t you?”
I froze. I am not falling in love with Lyle. He might be majorly attractive and every time he touches me may make me feel like I am being electrocuted (in a good way) and I may be sad when he leaves, but I don’t see him like that. Yet we’re doing something couples do when they’re ready and/or in love.
“I am not!”
Galena rolls her eyes and leaves the room. I guess I won the little fight we had.
I am now facing my brother Ty. He looks very happy but tired. I don’t know what point Galena is trying to make. I don’t love Lyle.
“What is it that you want, Ty?” I ask a bit rudely.
Ty, of course, finds my little rudeness to be hilarious. But I guess I understand that since we’re twins.
“Galena wants me to stand by her side. Anyways, I want to know if you love my best friend, Lyle.”
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I exhale and face them again. I feel like this is a bad dream and I can’t wake-up from it this time. Galena and Ty are just standing in front of me waiting for an answer.
“I so don’t.”
Ty bursts out laughing. “You love him and I bet he loves you, too.”
Hearing Ty say that Lyle loves me too makes my heart melt. It’s like I have butterflies in my stomach, but good butterflies. I have nervous excited feeling. Lyle doesn’t love me though. He is just in this for the amazing sex that we have. He is a guy for crying out loud!
I feel like crying now. I am now freaking out. What if I do love Lyle? It’s going to be so awkward now. Wait, did I just say that I might just love him?! What has happened to me? I am freaking out over a guy who may just be exactly what I need right now.
“I think she just realized she loves him,” Ty says in a higher than normal whisper.
I jump out of my daydream and look up at my brother and best friend. They are glowing when they look at each other. That’s how I feel when I look at Lyle. I feel like we’re just the only two people in the world. He means the most to me.
It’s just like the song. The song that was playing the first time we made love. It does mean a lot when I wake up next to Lyle. I love feeling that morning breeze. Lyle is my favorite thing and I would for anything bad to happen to him. God forbid he finds an amazing girl. Coming home and feeling his arms, gosh I love that. Oh, and when he kisses me hello, damn I love that. Those simple things really do mean everything to me. Lyle really does mean the most to me.
“Go get him!” Galena says over excitedly.
Then I actually freeze, what the hell do I do? How do I do this? I have never been in love before and I actually like it. I love it! It is one of the scariest feelings ever. There are so many what ifs going through my mind that it freaks me out even more.
I completely leave everything at the apartment. I have no idea where the hell Lyle could be. I have a couple ideas but I am not sure on them. Then it hits me that I could just call him. Of course I don’t think of the easiest option, I always think of the hardest.
“Hello?” he answers in his gorgeous voice.
“Hello, its Emma. Um, I have something to tell you. Where are you?” I ask rambling too fast for even me.
“I am at my place. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine; I just have to tell you something.”
I hang up the phone and get into my car. I start it and begin to drive off to Lyle’s place. I feel my hands starting to shake and I am beyond nervous. I don’t know how this could have happened.
I park in the parking lot of his apartment building. He buzzes me in and I walk up the stairs to his place. I knock on his door and wait for him to open it. When he does a smile spreads across my lips. Oh God, I do love him.
“Is everything alright, Em?” he asks.
“Yes, but just listen to me. I need to tell you this and I know that you most likely don’t feel the same, but I need to get this out. I know you’re my brother’s best friend and we have been friends with benefits now for weeks. I mean, you’re amazing in bed and everything, but I think we need to stop.”
Lyle looks a bit let down. I knew he was just in this for the sex. “And, the reason I need to stop is because I love you, Lyle. I am completely, majorly, amazingly in love with you. It’s me who loves you! I truly love you. I expect you want nothing to do with me now, so I’ll go.”
I turn around and walk down the stairs. I exit the building and walk to short distance to my car. Once I am next to my car and hear my name being called. The voice is Lyle’s, I just know it.
I face him and wait for him to talk. “Do you really love me, Emma?”
I stare at him like he’s crazy. “YES! I love you.”
“You don’t know how happy I am to hear that. When I first saw you, I couldn’t get you out of my head. It wasn’t just your gorgeous looks; it was the way you hold yourself and your personality. When we became friends with benefits, sure I was happy. But, never did I think I was in it just for sex, Em. I fell for you hard. I love you so, so much and I have never said those words to a girl before.”
I have tears in my eyes. “I haven’t either.”
“Just so you know, you mean the most to me, Emma,” Lyle says sweetly.
Lyle grabs me by the waist and kisses me. I smile against his lips. The benefits of love are amazing. I have the best guy in the world with me. The guy I love and he loves me too. Who knew the girl and the guy who didn’t believe in love would fall so hard for each other?