My First (and last) Kiss
His hands were in mine, and his green eyes were on my blue ones. We were close, my hooded jacket touching his jumper. It was winter, so the beach was deserted, the perfect setting for a first kiss. The snow was covering the sand, and held me tight as we slid along the ice. I couldn’t help it, I just laughed- one long ugly laugh. Unlike most boys, he didn’t back away, he laughed along with me. We laughed so hard we fell back in the snow, and we were closer now. He picked me up, laughing at the white snow in my hair, and we froze for a second. Not because of the below freezing conditions, but because we were looking at each other. Really looking. His hand was in mine once again, icicles on his fingers, and so were his lips. One passionate , beautiful, fantastic kiss. A kiss that over in a minute. When we parted, he looked sad.”Zoe,” he said, in a voice that was already breaking my heart. “I’m leaving. I’m moving to Alaska. I’m sorry.” My tear drops fell in his mousy hair and I tried to control myself, instead falling into his arms and weeping. “Sam? Why didn’t you tell me?!” I snapped, fiercely, pulling away from the hug. He sighed, a puff of cold air coming from his mouth, and said “I didn’t want to tell you straight away, breaking your heart was the last thing I wanted. My Dad..he got transferred. I begged him to stay, but he said that he couldn’t. Everything was paid for…so my Mum was happy, too. I didn’t want to ruin it. I’m sorry.” My mouth hung open, for once, I had nothing to say. I thought, like most girls would, that after the first kiss he’d fall madly in love with me, we’d get married, have kids and live our life like Hollywood actors. Of course…this is real life. And my first kiss, of all moments, was when my heart was broken. Into a million pieces. Sam trailed down the beach, his hands slipped away from mine, and we were greeted by an uncomfortable, icy silence. I wished that it had been a dream, I’d wake up tomorrow and this would be a dream. Or, more bluntly, a nightmare. My house finally came into view and I hesitated, staring at the snow coated roof and cosy fire lit inside. Sam placed his hand in mine “Would you like me to walk you home?” he asked. I looked at him, my brown hair sticking to my icy face, and sighed. “No, I’ll be fine.” I said, slightly bitterly. I glanced back through teary eyes and smiled at Sam, uneasily. “Goodbye Sam. I’ll miss you.” And then, he was gone. It was all over. My first kiss. It had happened and I was upset. I just didn’t get it-
I shook my head, trying not to dwell on my teenage life. I was sixteen then, ten years have passed . Despite that, my heart still ached for him. That’s why, without hesitation, I searched him. I found his location, and I booked a flight. It sounds stupid, I know, chasing after my old boyfriend when he may not even remember me. Alaska West Airport was full, full of people getting out and coming in, so it was hard navigating anything. I fumbled in my pocket for my phone, trying to find Sam’s number. Once I found it, I called him. There was a long silence, until I heard his voice. It was deeper now, puberty had done the trick, but just as beautiful. I cleared my throat. “Zoe, Zoe Richards? Is that you?” he said, obviously he’d seen the caller ID. “Yes, it’s me. And I’m here in Alaska, I came to see you.” I replied, hesitating a little. He sighed. “Zoe,” he took a long breath, chuckling deep in his throat, and continued “That was ten years ago. We’ve grown up since then.” I sighed heavily. After a brief silence I spoke again. “Could I at least stay with you and then, once my week’s over, I’m gone?” I suggested. He laughed. “Alright, I’ll come and get you.” He said.
I waited a while, watching the snow fall in the car park, until he finally arrived. I scanned my way through the arrivals unit, until I saw his face. His face was the same: he had the olive skin and green eyes. I came towards him, hoping for a hug. Then I saw somebody next to him, a little girl. I blinked at her for a few minutes until Sam finally said “Zoe, I’d like you to meet my daughter, Sky.” I couldn’t help it but my eyebrows raised. I was shocked. I put on a smile, and greeted Sky. She looked like Sam with the olive skin and green eyes. “It’s nice to meet you, Zoe.” She said. Sam tucked her under his arm and led us through the car park, stopping at the black Jeep. When we both reached for the door, I hesitated as our hands touched. I sighed, and opened the door quickly. Sky was sat in the back seat, happily playing with her array of dolls. Sam put the air conditioning on, sending cool air around me and allowing me to get warm. “The weather’s not exactly great, but you will get used to it.” Sam said, initially changing the subject. I smiled weakly. “So,” he continued. “What have I missed?” I thought for a few moments. “Well, I’ve spent my life chasing after you. I love you Sam, can’t you see?” I wanted to scream. Instead, I told him “I work as editor for a magazine, I live in an apartment. And that’s it.” I ,laughed at how pathetic I sounded, and so did he. “Well,” he began. “I drive people in and around Alaska, that’s my job. Then I head back home to my beautiful daughter,” he looked at Sky, who was smiling ear to ear. “And my wife, Lisa.” Those words made my already broken heart shatter into a million pieces. He was married?! My ex-boyfriend, who I shared a beautiful kiss with at sixteen, was now happily married with a child whilst I wasted my life chasing after him and I wanted another chance. I’m an idiot, I’m a fucking idiot. My thoughts eased as we pulled up near his house, and he opened the door for me. “T-Thanks.” I choked. He smiled, a sweet, perfect smile. I grabbed my bags from the boot, and headed inside. When Sam opened the door, I saw Lisa, the perfect, blonde blue eyed lady who had captured his heart and had a ring on her finger. “Sam, honey.” She said, her voice uneasy. “You didn’t tell me we had company.” He placed his hand on her shoulder, slipping a kiss on her cheek. “Lisa, this is Zoe, we were friends in high school. She- she came to visit us.” He said. She giggled, easing a little. She turned towards Sky, her smile widening and her tone changing as she said “Would you show our guest to her room?” Sky nodded and led me upstairs quickly. It was a little girl’s haven, filled with pink and dolls. “There’s two beds,” she began, matter-of-factly. She pointed to the one covered with teddy bears and said “This one is mine, and that one next to it is yours.” I smiled, and watched her slip out of the door. I was grateful to be alone. I could pack my bags, clear my head, I could cry. I just let the tears fall, feeling like my sixteen year old self. “Zoe?” I heard a voice ask. It was Sam. I cleared my throat, trying to disguise my tears as he stepped in. “We made dinner. Fresh salmon. Come down if you want.” I bit my lip, forcing a smile, and said “That’d be great.”
“Zoe?” Lisa called from across the table. I lifted my head up. “Can you pass the potatoes, please?” I nodded, passing them over. There was silence, before she finally said- lips twisted into a deliberate smile “You were friends in high school, right?” I nodded. She folded her arms, her gaze moving between Sam and I, and continued “And you were just friends? No romance, right?” I cleared my throat, standing up. “C-Can I be excused?” I asked, making my way upstairs- Sky following. I could hear the conversation from downstairs. “Zoe, you- you didn’t have to say that.” Sam began, slightly tearful. “Come on,” Lisa sighed. “I see that look in your eyes, you never look at me like that.” Sam sighed, a long sigh. “Maybe you guys should spend some time together, Zoe’s not that bad of a girl, you know.” Zoe scoffed. “Fine, if you insist. I still think you’re still in love with her.” He scoffed. I shut the door in a huff. Sky was tucked up in bed, her teddies and dolls arranged neatly at the bottom of the bed. Just as I finally settled, bad thoughts aside, I heard her little voice “Could you tell me a story?” I sighed, throwing off the sheets and turning my body to face her. That’s when I told her, told her everything. That sweet, tender kiss in my teen years, the heartbreak. She sat up, eyes wide and said “Why don’t you tell him about how you feel?” I sighed, a long sigh. I placed my hand in hers and replied “Sometimes, love is complicated. I can’t tell him. It’s too late.” I cleared my throat. Switching off the light, I settled into my covers, once again dwelling on past memories. I was still in love with him, and now..now he was gone from my reach. It was too late, the clock was already passed it’s time. That’s when I woke, hot and gasping for air. I hated those dreams, I hated drifting away from people I cared about. People I loved. Soon, the morning came, the orange yellow Sun melting away the snow. Lisa was already awake, and she was pacing through the hall. I peeked my head out the door. “I’m trying to sleep!” I said, bitterly. There was one thing, besides the attraction to Sam, that I hadn’t grown out of from my teen years: the fact that I hated mornings. Unlike most people in the morning, Lisa was stunning. Her blonde hair fell in damp showered curls, and her eyes sparkled. She looked like a model in a tracksuit and snow shoes. She just stared at me in shock and snapped back “Sam insisted we go and spend some time together, to bond. Don’t make me change my mind.” There was a scowl on my face, and hers too. Until, of course, Sky peeked her head out to look at us. Suddenly, the ice queen in her melted and she smiled at her daughter. “Honey, why don’t you get some breakfast? We’re heading out early today, I have a…busy schedule tonight.” She instructed, Sky bounding down the stairs.
I sighed heavily, grateful when Lisa left to attend to Sky, and stood on the landing. “Good morning.” I turned my whole body around to face him. He looked beautiful, even when he was tired. I tried hiding my red cheeks and replied “Morning. I really appreciate that you wanted Lisa and I to spend some time together, it’ll be great getting to know each other better.” I couldn’t help it, but I said my words through gritted teeth. He laughed, running his hands through his hair. “Tonight,” he said. “I was thinking you and I could go out. there’s a fish place on the beach, you’d love it.” I squeaked a little when he said it, feeling giddy. I smiled. “Great.” Is all I managed to say. I retreated to the shower, dressed and made my way downstairs quickly. Lisa insisted that we going shopping, since it’s what ‘all girls like doing’ and I just had to stand there and look happy, as I was dragged through shop after shop. Lisa’s phone rung, and I jumped. It was the only noise I’ve heard from either of us since dinner last night. She looked at the caller ID, and sighed, answering anyway. “Greg, this- this isn’t a good time. I’m- my daughter is with me. Can we- Can we talk later?” she said, and cut off the call. I perked up, intrigued. “Who-who was that?” I asked. She sighed. “Just a friend of mine.” She said, coolly. I sighed.
Lisa had to go out somewhere, so I wondered if that call was really just from a friend. I found myself, and Sky, walking through the icy streets, until we reached the house. I was shivering, head to toe, drenched in icy water. “Oh my god, what happened?” he asked, drying Sky off. I bit my lip. Should I tell him? “I think- Lisa went to see Greg?” I said. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “He was her ex-husband, I think he wants her back…” he explained. I placed a hand on his shoulder and said “I’m sorry.” He sighed heavily and so did I. And then, he just broke down. It was the first time I’ve seen him cry, and I just hugged him tightly. Soon, I was ready to go to dinner with Sam. I adjusted my earring, glancing at my reflection in the mirror. I was wearing a tight black dress and black heels. I looked at myself again, and sighed, looking at the door. Sam was stood there, wearing a fancy black suit. I bit my lip, he looked beautiful. “Are we ready?” he asked, slipping his hand in mine. I nodded. He took us in the car, stopping at the beach. Alaska House Of Fish And Seafood was quiet, apart from the waiters dashing around. There was a small table on the beach, all covered and laid out, and there was food and wine on it. “For us?” I asked in disbelief. He nodded. I couldn’t speak, he was just so kind to me. We ate, and then sat in silence for a few minutes. His voice intrigued me, and so did his question. “Do you remember that kiss?” he asked. I settled back in my chair. YES! OH YES I REMEMBERED I wanted to scream it. “Of course.” I said, coolly- though I was dying inside. He leant in closer, and his lips were on mine. “This ones better right?” I laughed. Of course it was, dolphins leaped before my eyes, dazzling sparkling fireworks in the sky- and then he said “Let’s go home.” I sighed.
I couldn’t stop laughing, I was delirious. He sighed happily, closing the door. And then we saw the note. I picked it up and read:
I’m sorry. I had to leave. Greg called and he wants me back. Turns out I do too. I took Sky with me. I wish you the best in your life. The divorce papers will be on their way soon
I felt the tears falling and I collapsed into his arms. He looked heartbroken. And so was I. He had a happy life, a life I wanted with him . Now, it was gone. “I’m so, so, sorry.” I said, tearfully. Sam looked at me, and kissed me again. “She was jealous of us. And Greg- he just ignited those feelings.” He explained. “You’re not mad?” he sounded crazy. He came closer, slipping his hands in mine. “No, it just told me she wasn’t the right girl.” He kissed me again. “You are the right girl.” I felt on top of the world. The days came quickly, Sam signed the papers as quickly as possible. And he asked me to move in. I sighed. “Of course.” I sighed, as he picked me up whirling me around. We painted the house, changed the interior and settled in. Those memories of my teen years were gone, and replaced with new ones.
I looked out of the window at the falling snow, smiling at how simple and beautiful it was. Sam’s hand slipped onto my stomach, and I felt the baby kick. “Ooh.” I whispered. Sam smiled, kissing me on the cheek. “I can’t wait for this child to grow up,” he began. “Find love, get married, and have as many special moments as we did.” I smiled, kissing him back. We had so many memories, and there were so many to come.