Many people on this world hate being born for the rest of their lives and some love the ways they were born.Amiira and Dut are the pleasing ones of their father's eyes. The amazing world, the world of confusion; mysteries and gossiping where love becomes a game of chess, I taste its sweeter and bitter parts. I dare to know the secrets of true love. Amiira is the most beautiful young lady whom I trace to teach me with what love is. She is a young lady with bright eyes situated in her shinning face; her smile may open the mouth of a toothless person not to mention her thighs that I imagine would make an old man think of his youth times. A very courageous lady I never met with all sense of judgments. As she was born during the harvest time, she is a good seed. I came to know her during enter schools competition when her name was among the winners and spent long time without seeing her. I happened to see her walking with her mother who I almost mistook to be her. Amiira!! I called with fear, she looked at me as if I was a criminal man standing before a police woman and I behaved as if she was familiar with me. She looked behind to see who was calling her. I insisted calling her and she never responded. "A little pigeon always flies with her parents'' It was hard for her to come or pay attention to me. She admired me but could not express it at that time. I walked around to find out where she lives.
One evening, I read my friend's Bible for the first time and I got a verse in (Philippians 4:6). "Do not be anxious about anything; but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God…." Many hunters sharpen their spears to kill the veal. She was the center of attraction who everyman dream to get. Thank God for our blessing land with bushes because they were the blessing to me in disguise. Early morning, sixteen of May forced a little pigeon to make exercise because it was a heroes' day where I found myself among the heroes. All sports men and women were pouring in freedom square…. I saw Amiira's black hair plaited with zebra tail style, in blue suit and blue ribbon tight behind her hair.
"He who was bitten by a snake flees when seeing a black rope." No doubt that Amiira has caught my eyes and I could recognize her even at a far distance. I tip toed while clapping my hands as she was walking near a bush. She came to me, she intelligently figured out where she met me, she made a U turn but she hardly did so before I grabbed her dainty hand. "When your neighbor catches cold, you too can sneeze'' five minutes became fifty years to both of us… "Stupid, fool!!! Leave me alone" she shouted. My heartbeat was abnormal; she jeered at me and I was tongue tied. I covered my ears with sleeves of my shirt in order to contained myself. Who are you? She asked. I am Dut I replied. Dut? Of course that name I said timidly. How did you know me? I forged the word; I met you in school, which school? She asked. Rumbek Secondary, I said… "Remember a lair can not recall what he says, should he be ask again; but surely love always buy attention. Why have you set a trap and frighten me in these early hours? She asked again and again. I released soft words of a coward person. Please! You are scaring me, move! She charged her blue eyes and wrinkle appeared on her face to startle me. I was as brave as a lion to her, because a rough dog can never be in peace for long. "I love you!" I revealed. What?? You heard me, who, me? Yes. I said it confidently. Please give me five reasons why you said that; I narrated ten reasons why I love her, I pierce the little pigeon's heart and she nodded. Do you love me? I asked, she said a few words and I recalled the character of a she-goat running away from he-goat. I was like someone in a new city; the whole world looked small for us. I looked around and she was glaring at my eyes. I felt as if I took her home, this is something unbelievable. She added that her parents can be worried of her whereabouts; I let her go because I knew that she was like a fish in my net. Amiira was so good to me. She could get little time to visit me even if she was under strict control, she wanted our relationship to be strong and she turned out to be rude whenever I asked for fruit of our love. She could advise me not to rush with a relationship like that. I remembered one Saturday when she requested me to pay a visit to their home. I guess she might politely tell her parents about my visit. She kissed me for the first time and left, my tongue never tasted any sweet thing like Amiira's lips. The taste of honey was nothing to me, my lips and tongue became best friends that time, the whole world was mine, one hour was a very short time I never experienced. My brain worked so hard to produce convincing words in order to draw the attention of Amiira's mother which would be a first kick of scoring love's goal. The beautiful mother who always do makeup even if she is in the kitchen; she is beautiful outside but inside she is a dust bin of stupidity, madness of the higher order, poor interpreter whom I doubt to be Amiira's mother. Remember he who stays in a wise men's company always becomes wiser. My emotions might be the cause of her characters because I knew she is a good lady. I stood under a neem tree at the gate; I started gurgling as if I had problems in my throat which disturbed her. She glanced at me, Young boy!! Imagine how she called me as if I had a gourd of water on my head. What are you waiting there? She asked, I replied; I am a visitor. Where are you coming from? Our home, I said. Amiira's father loves young people like me; a hopeless mother came with two chairs under a tree. I thought she was going to ask my name and call her daughter to me, but she was more stubborn and instead she asked me. "How did you come here? And to whom are you a visitor?" She asked. I know young boys are always after my daughter, but I will put all of you in shame, she added. My mind went blank when she asked me all these questions; she knew that I was in the same school with her children, so she was talking of her imagination. "Please! Get up from my chair" she ordered as if she had attended a military training. Where is Amiira? I asked; a slap at my face was a good answer to me. Amiira came while calling my name; I could not count her eyes blinking and tears start rolling down at her cheek. By seeing tears, a ripple got a chance of separating us with words of abuse. I went home leaving her shouting like a mad person but my soul was yearning for Amiira at night and my spirit longed for her in the morning. I spent many days with a lot of pain in my heart but love turns the whole world blue. My thoughts and memories keep on Amiira and I have no alternative to see my queen. The world of mysteries gives chance to young people who are in dilemma and love. Amiira never gave up, but where to find me was hard as her mother became a thorn in our flesh.
If dreams were real, many people would have gotten good things… the wedding was organized with a lot of flowers and thirty two cars were following each other, I was in white colored NiSSAN with queen of my heart, in the car with us was my friend who later for real help me to get Amiira; the whole thing was a nightmare. I suddenly woke up only to find myself in bed. Oh! It was a dream, how I wish it wasn't a dream. The long awaited day came when I found Amiira as an angel girl in her cousin's wedding and her mother wasn't there. Unknowingly she delegated a very arrogant lady considered to be more insane than Amiira's mother. I saw my beautiful prey among the maids and she pretended like she never met me, what could be the matter? I asked myself. I cooked my brain by using sign language in order to make her know how much I miss her. She bites her finger and sent a young boy to tell me where I could find her. I ran as if I was thrown… Hi babe boy! She said, hello sweetheart, I replied. My heart beat was unusual as she hugged and held me against her chest. "Hee, Hee, Hee! What is this you are doing?" Someone shouted. I thought there was a soldier behind us. I felt like a cock that has been flashed with cold water, my sweetie walked a way nervously and sorry for what happen because I never like such a thing. The lady behaved like she had never been in love. She talks like a tongue twister, stupid, silly, fool, poor boy in just five seconds, please! Leave this girl alone, don't you know you are poor. I am going to report you to her brothers. "Don't play with fire otherwise, you will face the consequences" she added. I went home and waited for what that lady will tell Amiira's brothers. I left the scene but my heart remained where my intimate was.
Amiira's elder brother and his friends came down the road where I was coming from, I couldn't belief my eyes when I saw him and I was shocked. He was talking about his sister whom he loves so much because she respects her brothers; I listen to them while turning my back to hide my face. Sweat was all over my body; thank God that he did not know my relationship with his sister. What will happen to me today if he learned about what I did to his sister? I ask myself,
"What is wrong Dut? Are you sick?" He asked, I thought he was going to hit my neck. I am not sick. I replied with quaking sound. Dut, imagine my entire situation…… there is no permanent condition on this world, He said. Even if you see many bad things happening to you, you will kick them out of your sight. Look! You are a courageous young man who is so bright, remember my father always tells us their conditions when they were young but see what we are now. He thought that I was thinking about our poor conditions. So his advices relieved me and I never feared him. When a man is told of his inner abilities he utters no word. I appreciated his advice, but I was still anxious about the other lady's words of planning to report me to Amiira's brothers. Thanks to the Providence for giving some people shallow memories of forgetting what they said. I stayed for almost two weeks without seeing my sweetie who is banned from fetching water at evening hours. We missed each other but love tame is like a wild lion that eats hundred people; I try all means of getting her and in that I became a mobile watchman at Amiira's home whenever I would come from playing ground. One day Amiira's parents went out for a festival which was the chance for me to know how much Amiira loves me. I planned to walk with my sister and our intention was to tease her, so I hid myself. She saw my younger sister whom she says resembles me. Veronica, she called; where is Dut? My sister is really funny like me. Who is Dut? She asked, your brother. What about him? Veronica asked. I want to know of his whereabouts, because I miss him. My sister knew that I was at the gate of Amiira's home. "Veronica, I love your brother dearly," she said. My sister asked her, "How do you love a poor man?" Amiira replied "wealth can not buy you love" she convinced my little sister. Veronica smiled and showed her where I had hidden myself. She was confused and her emotion tells the whole situation. She continued telling me about my sister's good manners and when my sister left, she spoke with joy in her heart. Am I dreaming? She asked herself. You are not dreaming it's me. I said. "I thought that I would never see you again," she said. Tears rolled down at her cheeks and told me to enter into their compound but I hesitated, she urged me to enter. Where are you parents? I asked. They went for a festival in Akot, adding that they will come later in the evening. Why didn't you go with them? She told me something that made me ran crazy "I told my father that you are coming today" who? Me? Don't just talk as if something has gone wrong with your brain, are you try to mean that your father knew that I was coming to his home and he never beat you up? Yes. How about your mother? Dut, you know my mother very well and we don't need to bother her. Do you love me? She asked me while looking into my eyes, I am sorry dear, I said. She took me to her room and I have never seen such a nice room in my life time, my eyes stuck on the big wall clock with screen that run like water in the stream. Dut Sweetheart, you are everything that I have and there is nothing that will change our love, "although it rains with fire" I know you are hurt by my mother. Please, I beg you not to worry yourself about her characters because she is our mother, grandmother of our children in future and remember my father like young people with bright future like you. What I am telling you is to take care of our future because you will be the head of the family. I remembered only my final word of thank. I kissed her affectionately and she told me to leave. The eyes of God are always on young people in true love. Soon as we reached the gate, I heard Amiira's parents talking about Amiira loneness, they entered at the back yard and we used the main gate. "She told me that her friend will pay a visit today" Amiira's father revealed. Oh! They are there at the gate. Amiira's mother was annoyed and she didn't want to show her husband her annoyance since she loves and respect him. "If hot water was there, she would have poured it on me. I was standing with Amiira like criminal. How are you Amiira with your friend? We are fine. I could not walk well because I was gripped with fear. But Amiira's mother removed her shoe, and used it as a weapon to hit me at the forehead and blood oozed out. Amiira's father took me to the hospital and told his son to take me home after my wound was dressed. When I recovered, Amiira's father requested for my visit and he told me not to mind about the incident. "I want you to give time to yourselves," He said. I respect him and Amiira too respect her father. She revealed the secret of our love. The gossiping was going around after some times. My lover began to love me than I could imagine, my security was bad as Amiira always tell me to leave our home town during holiday because her mother was pressurizing her sons to beat me up. I greed with my queen after, I got an opportunity of going to school in wau. Eight months later, I came back to Rumbek and this was like a drama to Amiira's brothers who were told that I am spoiling their sister which is not my case with her. Amiira's father never bothered and her aunt need to know whether it is true that I am spoiling Amiira's future, she ask Amiira a lot of Questions. When her brothers saw me with their sister during Christmas celebration, the beat me up and I broke Amiira's nephew's arm during the fight and this caused high tension. I was jailed for three months. I was mistaken with mad people because I looked shabby and disorganized; this was due to too much thinking about the life of my love but not because of being in prison. Her brighter future and parental love seemed to be in disarray because of the confusion people put us into. "A friend of many is a friend of none" I have no friend who can tell me about her situation since I had no intimate friend. I was swimming in the ocean of loneness like a tree in the desert; I have no one to talk to. My parents need to know what happened to me, my mother thought that I have stolen something that is why I am jailed but only my little sister knows what happened and she doesn't want to tell my mother. One morning Amiira met my young sister in the church and she feel like she had seen me. She was disturbed by her excitement and my sister too…… She approached my sister after prayers and asked whether I was fine in prison. My sister instead abused her. "My brother is in prison because of what you so call wicked love," Amiira tolerated all bad words of my sister. She told my sister that "remember; people intend to do thing in their own ways but God knows what he is doing, I will one day be your brother's wife and thing will be well." my sister said; do you think we need your riches? Amiira cried out, NO! NO! For a short while she saw my nephew who heard that I was released. My family turned to be enemies of Amiira's family after they learnt of the plot. She called my nephew to convince him that she still loves me and what her mother planned will never work. She added that "going into a person's life, you are meant to serve him and love is eternal that expect many changes, but real meaning; so whatever Dut is facing, I am with him even if he has twenty cows I will go with him. This is the same difference in me before and after he is in love with me. He is my lamp and one that is burning, a good lamp, but now it shedding light too; Dut is really for me. What I am telling you as a relatives, is that love makes one calmer about anything and that way, one is fit for a work". "Amiira, you are such a nice lady with sweet words. May God give you to my uncle?" My nephew said. Anyway Dut is released and he will be home today evening, but many people advice him to go back to Wau because of your brothers. My nephew predicted like he knew what will happen to me. Two days after I was released they beat me up again. They left me lying and faint at the road side. And I was taken to the hospital by compassionate man who informed my parents about the incident. My skull was broken, it got stitched seven times. My relatives were annoyed, they wanted to avenge but I calmed them not to do anything bad because I deserved the consequences. My uncle asked whether Amiira conceived. I told my uncle not even to say something on that because we did not do anything since we were still young…. I was discharged after I recovered. Five months later, I got a chance of going to Uganda for my studies and Amiira too went to Uganda with her brothers. We happened to travel in one bus from Koboko to Kampala. I lost my bus ticket in the course of getting where to sleep. Coincidentally it was picked by Amiira's elder brother…… I began to fear walking alone as my parents warned me about her brothers; we started to hate each other. I totally forgot about her, I imagined how Amiira left me tormented. I was first treated like a murderer, beaten up like snake; I thought day and night what I can do. I became disabled because of a girl who is not of my class even if I marry her she will not respect me as I am a poor man, what a miserable life? But now we are in one place which is far from home. I was as if my oxygen was consumed by Amiira and her brothers I could feel the throbbing sound of my heart. It was like a day dream; I Suddenly missed my ticket and Amiira's brothers saw me searching for my ticket and the elder brother was sorry for me. I was breathing heavily when I heard him calling me. "Dut, How are you?" He asked. I am fine, I said. Remember when an African man says "I am fine," there is a problem. I was confused thinking that they were going to caned me but thank God it didn't happen. Her brother came holding his wallet in his left hand and he greeted me while smiling at me. What are you looking for? He asked. I lost my ticket, I said. Amiira! He called, here is Dut. "A foreign cock does not crow in a foreign land" I guess this saying was in his mind. I thought he was going to tell Amiira to slap me. She came fearfully to her brother and greeted me. Dut! I am sorry for what had happen in Rumbek; it was our mother's planed. He revealed; anyway I picked your ticket and here it is. My heart pumped as if I was from Kampala Marathon. It was in a confused situation; at 4:00 am our bus was ready to leave; Amiira came like she was looking for her seat and drop a paper on my laps. I picked it and put it in my pocket. By 8:34 am we reached Lake Albert (Pakwach) where people go to "answer calls of nature" I pulled a paper out of my pocket and read it. The title was "Love and Forgiveness"
"I know how you feel, but remember, you may wish to be loving… you may even try with all you might. But your love will never be wholesome unless you are free from bitterness, and you are free, our love is natural, you and I try hard to love and this is a sign that we are curbing our hatred. Darling there is no love without forgiveness and there is no tolerance without love. I miss you so much although you hate me, I will die for you". See you in Kampala.
Mannhiakda (our future) as I used to call her
I was confused by her letter and I had learnt a lesson of having many friends. I call my childhood friend Deng and told him every thing on phone. He gives me good advice that I used to rescue my broken heart. I became to realize that a good friend is gift from God. No matter how rich you are, you can not buy a friend of integrity. We departed to different places in Kampala where I join my friend at Newcastle High school and she went to Kampala secondary school. We use to meet during holidays in the church where I happened to replied her letter.
Where you used to be, there is a hole in that place, which I find myself repetitively walking around it in the day, and falling in at night. I missed you like a fat baby longing for gees and milk. No one can get milk or getting a cow without working for it. I know you will be my future wife. Take care and work hard for better results in your studies.
I gave this letter to Deng. My best friend in the world of friendships to take it to her "I do called him an eagle" Amiira was very happy and promised Deng that she will come to see us on weekend if she obtained permission. The simple absence of her move make me crazy than others and her presence feel me with joy. I always pray for her studies. She came to our school as she promised. Deng asked permission for two of us which was granted and we went out near our school. She thought I would not hug her but I did to show how much I love her and I realized that love is like a game of chess: one false move and you, ve coupled. She tries to apologize but I told her. ''never apologize for showing feeling and on what passed, when you do, you apologize for the truth" I resided. She stirred me and called my Name; Dut, you are my life, soul, my companion, my friend. My love, my world and my husband to be". I was overwhelmed by her words and I tasted the tears of joy. My love was with passion which is the part we live and this is the edge of love. None of us knew what is in her parents' mind. What will happen when they find that we still visit each other? I and Amiira never thought of playing sex outside marriage because we need to have value and dignified marriage. I promised my queen never to give up in everything. Immediately after I left for school, I saw her younger brother walking along side the road as he was monitoring his sister as he knew that his sister may visited me…… unfortunately, he saw his sister entering into a taxi. He rushes to the taxi and asked his sister were she was coming from. I went to Dut's friend at school because his mother sent some money from Rumbek, Amiira said. What is your connection with them? Her younger brother asked. What do you think I am doing with him? She asked. Remember we are for our future and we don't need to hurt ourselves. Her brother said. Why don't you really understand as me? I am your own sister and you don't know what I can do and what I cannot do. "If you people think the way I do, you would have not hated this gentle man because I do not have any secret with him, only that I need him to forget what you people did to him". She was very annoyed. Are you out of your senses? Her brother asked. No brother; Am your sister as I said and I do not want someone to think day and night how he or she is treated badly because of me. It's looked she convinced him and they left but little boy explained the seen his elder brother. Next morning they all came to our school with irritation; requesting for my permission from the school administration. I never knew what was going on except when I saw Amiira and Deng talking as she looked very gloomy. When I came trying to greet her. She refused to greet me for the first. She ordered me to go out of the gate and she added" she did not want my friend to go with us'' .Deng agreed and told me to stand on my feet no matter what". She presented a letter to me and she told me to read it in her presence. I opened an envelope and pulled the letter. Titled; THE END OF OUR RELATIONSHIP". I was confused and cried out for God's help and his mercy. How would I live without Amiira? What is a meaning of this Amiira? I am tired of you, she said. I remember what Deng told me and left her. I entered our school gate and her brothers were waiting for me in school and they told me to leave their sister alone. I thank God for they did not beat me up. I called Deng for his kind words as I was totally feeling nothing on this world. He told me Dut, you are a master of your own destiny and you can do anything to win Amiira on your side, "whatever you need require your heart and soul efforts, and you only put your heart and soul into something you really desire". If you love her and present your request to God, He will give everything you asked for his name. My sweet heart was told according to how I read the letter, to tell me that I am an impersonal, poor man who cannot even fit to be her husband. I buried my face in my hands and I tried to get Amiira's brother to tell him of what he told me when we were in Rumbek. I met them at church were Sudanese used to pray. I came earlier so that I approached them. Straight to point, that I am a poor man as you think but remember what your told me in Rumbek " there is no permanent condition on this world" What! Amiira intervened. Wait, wait. Did I hear you well? Your brother told me that. I said this because I knew that when there is value, the dignity is out. My last word at that moment, I told them to remove their noses from my affairs… to my regret Amiira said "I wish I had turned deaf ears to your love" I left for school as my school was near the church. I became to hate ladies even my own sisters, I barked at them like a dog. One evening came; I went out for a walk with Deng who was funny. He understood the tactics to get things done and how to change people's minds. He started his conversation about his girl friend that he loves so much but his conversation made noise in me. Dut! What's up? He asked. Deng! I called. Listen to me; ladies are poisonous when they intended to be, so I don't want to hear about them. But Dut insisted; let me finish what I wanted to tell you. I apologized to him because I don't want to hurt him... I know from him how he influenced people and knowing specifically what you want to achieved. Remember life in love is like a game of football you can be happy when you won the match and opponents got annoyed even if they know they will win next match. He added that whatever happened between you and Amiira happened and it is not the ends of love. Beautiful girls are born and some are still going to be born. Why do you need to think like a failure in life? He added. Let me ask you a question? Do you STILL LOVE Amiira? Why are you asking such a question Deng? I said. "I need to know from you". He replied. YES I do. I answered. He said like he was representing his father; there is nothing that will stop me from seeing Amiira and I swear of my life that "if Amiira became someone's wife I will give my neck to be chopped" He concluded. I laughed at him. He takes time to make his decision. He told me never rushed into this attempt without prior planning. I became attached to him and we devoted ourselves to church, sharing the word of God with people until Deng joined the University while I was in senior six. I finished my National examinations and I came back to South Sudan for the first time since my departure to Uganda. On my arrival at Rumbek airport, I found Amiira's father at the airport and he greeted me with joy and took me to our home. It was some zealous to my mother and other relatives. I thank him for what he did to me. Everything have changed our at home .I saw cows, goats, sheep and my mother built a very big nice grass thatch house with pit latrine, bathing room and bamboo fence around. My mother being strong woman, she had a farm in Dhiaukuei and all these are the produce of that farm. I am proud of my mother thought I lost my father whom I still respect. I spent eight month in Rumbek working with the NGO that help orphans then I left for Uganda to apply to the University. I was admitted in the faculty of social sciences at Uganda Christian University September intake where my best friend Deng studied. I did not join this University because of my friend but I need the value added education such that I get something good and convey the message of Christ where ever I go with the conviction I was called for. I reported to the campus on August 31 for registration and I went home after registration. Unknowingly, Amiira was admitted at this campus. As all of us were fresher, we came early before continuing student like Deng. One week later Deng reported. I was confused with life of University. I could attend lectures that were not mind until I become accustomed with the situation. One Saturday I went to Kampala city for shopping with my cousin sister and I saw Amiira putting on a guild T-shirt for my school and I never believed my eyes. My cousin sister told me one day at home that Amiira was at UCU, I didn't agree with her. When I came to campus for morning lectures, I boarded taxi from Seeta to Mukono and I went out at Bishop Stage where I walked to campus. As I walked toward the Main campus Old gate a car came behind me on full speed and flashed dirty water on me as the one driving was rushing for morning lecture; I was extremely smart. My God! I said. I was like a pig swimming in the mud. I had nothing to do because there is no sweet revenge then forgiveness. Coincidently, it was Amiira. She reduced the speed and reversed her car; many people felt sorry for me, they thought I was going to harm that lady. By seeing me, Amiira carried me like child to her car and I never recognized her. Dut! This is you again, why are you becoming a pain of my neck? By hearing that I opened the car and came out asking her; what you are doing here? She begged me to calm down and solve this problem one and for all. She took me home to change my dirty clothes. I did not allow her to enter our gate. She was surprised of the house I lived with my siblings. When I came out of our gate I found her looking at the house as if she lost something. We went for lectures for the whole day and Amiira was really amazed how could this happened; we were departed and now we are here. What a mysterious!!
Deng was delighted for what happen; he remember what he told me that love is like game of chess and however much people in love think they will not meet, God have plan for them. She asked for my phone number. Two days later, Amiira called me on phone requesting me for a date. I accepted to meet her at Ridar Hotel in Seeta where I proposed to marry her after one year and she agreed with me and the remaining part was for our families to reconcile. When I narrated the story to my relatives, it was like a drama. I convinced my relatives to accept my marriage proposal and they all agreed for our marriage to be conducted in cattle camp such that people who refused to send their daughters to school can learn from our marriage. After our graduation in July we came back to South Sudan and I prepared with my relatives and our marriage took place in December at Alou cattle camp where Amiira parents where giving eighty nine cows as bride price on the same day. After seven day our wedding took place in Rumbek and my dream came true. Our day for honeymoon was the day I will never forget. I asked myself a lot of questions and I realized that some questions have no answers but determination pays. Our room was laid by Amiira's aunt with white bed sheets decorated with symbols of love. Amiira called me and she talk as if we were engaged… What are we doing here darling? She asked. What do you want us to do? Amiira! Listen dear I know you fear me but we are now husband and wife. We want to have our names be respect as we have passed through thorns and flames and God hear our prayers, let's fulfill God's promise for us. I said. she kept quite; I tasted the well guarded meat and she won the prize of virginity to me and everyone as we are now happy family with our first son name Nhiakda( our future).True love never fail but trusting in God is overall. That is how I became the hero of love.