I sat crosslegged on my bed, ignoring the world around me. In my lap was my diary that I dedicated to mom. I wrote fast, and furious my hand slightly cramping from how tightly I gripped the pencil. I was trying to get everything running through my mind on the page, but my thoughts were racing to fast I couldn't get them down. My handwriting wasn't ledgible and I crossed out wordes every other sentence, because they weren't right. My fingers refused to cooaperate with my head, my mind thinking one thing, my fingers writing another.
I stopped writing, as my heart finally broke into tiny fragments to small to be put back together. I tried to hold back a sob, but it came out sounding like I was being choked. I layed down, pushing my face into my pillow, trying not to be too loud so dad won't yell at me or something worse. I cried, and sobbed, and with each one came with violent shivers, tensing my bruised, aching muscles making me want to cry more.
I heard someone tapping my window, but I ignored it. I didn't have to open it, he'd come in anyway. I always left it unlocked for him. I had almost completed my episode now and was just crying silently against my pillow, drowing in my grief. I heard the 'whoosh' of my window opening, and soon felt strong hands gently pull me up to a sitting position.
It was Jack. My best friend from third grade, and as of now, the only person in the world who knew my story. He didn't have to ask me what happened because he knew that I'd tell him when I was ready, I loved that about him. Well I loved everything about him, but mostly his patience and trust in me after what happened all of those years ago. I leaned into his hard chest and whimpered softly and cried as he held me, and we curled up at the top of my bed.
After a few minutes of just silent crying and Jack holding me, I was able to speak without springing right back into tears and losing myself.
"Riley died this morning." I whispered so softly I wondered if he heard it.
Every single muscle tensed right as I said it. His face darkened into a frightening scowl, and his brown eyes lit up with fury. He didn't say anything, thats when I know that he was in a rage. When he is yelling and screaming at you, thats when you're safe, but when he's just quiet and doesn't move, thats when it gets dangerous. I grabbed a hold of his jaw, and swung it towards me, he had been looking at my door, probably debating whether to go kill the man who caused it right now or not.
"Hey!" I yelled, and he finally looked at me. His eyes were glassy and he looked at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. I've never seen him cry in all of the years I've known him, since third grade untill senior year. I shook my head at him not knowing if I had the strength to say the words, I did anyway.
"I can't lose you too." I said, tears welling into my eyes again. Those sad eyes got even sadder as he nodded.
He knows how Riley died, and the man who killed her. It was the same man who killed my mother, and his mother, and his father. She was playing in the living room, and he came storming in drunk as usual. She was playing with the toys my mother had when she was her age. I only let her play with them if dad wasn't around. Anything that reminded dad of what he'd done to her put him in a blind rage.
As soon as he saw the toys, he went off like a bomb, he took the toys and broke them, and threw his shoes at her and hit her with his own hands. I had been in my room doing homework, and ran out to see what was going on. I saw him pick her up by her neck and she looked at me. She looked so frightened and scared, a part of me almost died when I saw what happened next. She coughed out what were her last words to me before it happened.
"Sister, help." And I ran towards them with all my might, trying to get there fast enough to save her. But I didn't. He threw her a the window, and it shattered sending her flying down thirty feet to hard concrete. I screamed and I yelled and I kicked and punched my dad, but it just made him angrier. Ever since I was thirteen he stopped using his hands to beat me. He used, things like a crowbar, or wrenches, he even kickes or steps on me with his spiked boots. He grabbed a large wooden clock and threw it at my head. The last thing I remember after that is watching the splinters fall and seeing Jack outside rushing to Riley.
That next morning I woke up in a hospital with stiches in my head, bandages, and a glass container that contained all the splinters-and a few glass shards- that they found in my head, face and hands. Jack was sleeping a chair next to me, he was dirty from football I guessed from the football pants he was wearing. His black-brown hair was all messed up, and he looked like a little boy taking a nap after playing in the sun all day.
Riley was taken to the emergancy room but fell into a coma. She landed on her head and broke her neck, severing the brainstem, if she would've lived she'd be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. I told them she fell out of the window while playing, even though it killed me not saying what really happened. My dad would very well kill me like he did my mother and now with what happened to Riley I'd never be able to care for us. Jack and I spent the whole day together next to Riley's hospital bed and he told me that after he took Riley to the hospital he came back for me wondering why I had'nt been rushing outside screaming, to find my dad gone, and me passed out on the floor.
Riley lasted three weeks-really long for an eight year old-before passing. The odds were small that she would live but we gave it a try anyway. I looked at Jack now seeing all the good things in life even though my pride and joy little sister was brutally murdered. He looked at me in a way I've never been able to interpret. He's been giving me this look for a couple of months now, and I can't figure out what it means. Its a mix of emotions, doubt, hesitation, longing, passion, hope. Everytime I get that look from him, I get put into a trance, no matter what the situation. Those brown eyes caught mine like no one else has ever been able to do. I searched through them despratley trying to find out what it meant. Little did I know that while I did this he was inching foward, his slightly closing before I realized what the look was.
And I loved him back.
He kissed me then, and it was the most passionate kiss I'd ever had. His lips melted into mine, and I felt complete for a moment. Like my life wasn't bad. Like my mom and sister were still here. Like my dad didn't kill his parents as well as mom. Like everything in the world was right. But only for a moment.
Our kiss was interrupted by a slaming door and my dad yelling. We both jumped, and I almost squeaked in fear but Jack put his hand over my mouth. I saw fear in his eyes, but I saw anger and determination too. That was when I knew.
He was going to confront my dad whether I wanted him to or not.
"Autumn! Where the hell are you? I thought I told you to clean up these stupid toys!" He yelled, seeing mom's toys always made him angry. Thats why I didn't clean those up. I cleaned up the clock, the window, got rid of the blood that stained the carpet, but didn't clean up the toys.
"After this we're going to call the cops and tell them everything. Ok?" Jack whispered standing up and taking me with him. I just stared at him. He was the bravest person in the world to stand up to my dad. The man who murdered his parents as well as one of mine.
"Autumn! Okay? You need to say something." He said softly but sounding a little desperate.
"Okay, Jack. I'm so sorry." I said touching his jaw. There was a small scar there from that night. I stretched on my toes and kissed him softly for only a moment. Because thats all we had before my dad busted the door open.
The next couple of hours were a blur. Jack and my dad fighting, the cops, the amulance. The memories of everything surged together and for awhile I thought I might get lost in them. Not knowing what was now, and what was the past. The most vivid of all memories was the night my dad killed my mom, and Jacks parents.
He was out, and drinking. Jacks parents had come over and were helping us pack. Riley was just a baby then. It was sixth grade, and my dad had had a major episode and hit my mom with his hands that night. He left for a little while and Jacks parents-including Jack-saw the whole thing. They wanted to call the cops but mom refused. We were packing to go to her sisters house a half hour away. But dad came back furious that she was planning to leave him. He took his shot gun out and shot her first. Jack and I hid in the closet peeking out to see what was happening. Than Jacks mother stepped forward and she went next. Jacks father held his own for awhile but in the end had the same fate as my mother. Than he dragged their bodies and disposed of them. I still don't know where. Jack didn't cry, he looked lost that night. But moved on. His older brother took care of him. oblivious to the absense of their parents. I will never forget that night, and neither will he.
Later, after all the questioning I was finally able to see Jack. He had a few bruises and cuts but nothing bad, my dad though... Jack beat the crap out of him. By the time Jack was convinced he wouldn't fight anymore, my dad had a broken nose, jaw... everything. Once I saw Jack I ran to him and kissed softly, trying not to touch his bruises.
Dad was sentenced to life in jail without parole. I didn't feel bad, but I didn't feel relieved either. I felt free, like now I could take care of things without the constant fear of my dad. But I still hate seeing my father in jail. I got my mom and Jacks parents, and even Riley a real memorial, and they even found the bodies. They were all buried right next to each other in the town cemetary.
Now, with everyone at peace, I looked at Jack in his black tuxedo looking more hansome than ever. He took my hand and led me to his truck so we could go back to my house and pack. We agreed that I would move in with him and his brother Kyler, untill we graduated and went to college. We were gradutaing in a two months and for the first time in years I felt, safe. I felt happy.
He opened the passenger door for me and after I got in went around to the drivers side and got in too. We sat there for a moment not saying anything. He smiled at me, reminding me of when we were little he pretented to be superman and we tried to make him fly. Brocoalli was his kryptonite.
"Well, superman, you finally saved someone." I said, with a little laugh. He laughed too, but gave me that same look full of love.
"I'm sorry it took so long." He said softly, and leaned forward to kiss me.
Once again I felt complete, and could now stop dwelling on the past and look foward to the future.