I cried. I never cry. If I do then I keep it to myself. So you can imagine how I felt whenshe'd come to me like this lost puppy feeling sorry for me.
But she needed someone as much as I did even if I was the one crying, we were just filling a void we both felt. I think I knew the moment I opened my door to her that it would end in this way... actually if I'm honesthad it beenanyone else that night I’d probably of not of opened my door! I'dignored them instead.
She only knocked once and thenwaited. I saw her therewith her hands in her pockets and eyes downtoward the ground. She looked nervous.I sighed and wiped my eyes before releasing the locks andputting my head round the door. Her eye's searched mine "hey!"she said softly. I paused while myeyes adjusted on her and she almost turned awaybefore Iopenedthe door fullyto let her in!
Inside she passed me a glass of water to help calm me down but my hands let it slip being to week. She took the glass before it had a chance to fall and placed it aside before steadying my hands in hers.Suddenly she was my balance… She told me it was ok, said that it wasn’t my fault andI wasn’t responsible.
It wasn’t initiated by her it was me and a question I asked. Something as simple as “Stay with me!”
It made it easy for her to take me like that. She could see my anguish, my fight andshe could hear the reason in my voice and somehow it led to a kiss.
And while she took me in her arms, she unexpectedly eased my pain, made my heart a little lighter. The kiss had lasted a few minutes, and then it was too late to go back… Neither of us could deny it.
I cried through it, while she shadowed me protectively below her, touching me fiercely. Her kisses were wet and desperate. For the first time I saw her and it released me free from myself even if only for a second.
She held me like a child stroking my hair away from my brow, telling me to rest, never moving while I slept. But then she did… She didn’t have to leave me there like she had, leaving things awkward and deprived of the closure. Like a forgotten one night stand.
…It’s like that saying, you always want what you can’t have. We both understood, but now she follows me where ever I go like something is expected but neither of us can deliver it. Even words are hard to form and eye contact is always too quick to get a glimpse of what I saw that night.
Maybe she is just scared, or embarrassed? I am…
Maybe if I cried, she’d come to me tonight? But I have and she hasn‘t…
Maybe If I just turned up at her door? I could…
No, it’s to late now...