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Tags: love, paranormal

It's about a dead woman who have been reincarnated and try to live again to find her murder. But she end up falling in love and she promises to her love one that she will forget her vengeance. Everything seem to be alright until a guy mess up with the lovers' life........ View table of contents...

 

Submitted: May 10, 2008    Reads: 86    Comments: 7    Likes: 2   


Ken put the coffee on the table; God, the corpse smell is terrible and all over his new apartment. He just moving in an hour ago and found out that his new apartment has an old visitor; a dead woman lying naked on his bedroom. His phone ring,
“Hello, Sean.” He answered.
“What happen, I heard your new place has a visitor already?” his partner voice in on the phone.
“Sweet Grace, the smell is terrible, Seanny. The police arrived an hour ago and still the smell is awful!” he complained.
“I will be back two weeks from now, Kenny. Also, guess what?-I got the contract with the publication.” Sean sounded extremely happy in the phone.
“Good for you then. I will see you two weeks from now.”
“Do you miss me, darling?”
“Don’t call me that-remember!”
“I just am joking. I will be on your bed two weeks from now then…ha-ha…”
“Bastard!”
“Oh-well, my lovely Kenny is not in the mood for fun.”
“Stop doing that and goodbye!” Ken slammed the phone and sigh.
Kerenzley is 29 years old and have a twisted relationship with his partner for two years, meaning a gay relationship. He heard a sound from his bedroom, there is no one else in the apartment other than himself.
“Huh-What now?” he muttered and heading to his bedroom to check the noise.
When he appeared at the bedroom door, he stunned and almost fell down to his knee.
“Oh my GOD!!!”
A woman, naked and also looking back at him let out a small cried when she saw him looking at her with his bulging eyes and dropping jaw.
“Who are you? What the heck are you doing here and how did you come in?” he asked with hoarse voice. The woman was speechless.
“I want to thank you, sir.” She finally found her words, but not exactly answering his question.
“Thank? Who are you anyway?”
“I am the dead woman that had been in your place and you have reincarnated me.”
“What?!!!”
“I am Avadelle-You’ve reincarnated me and I wanted to thank you for that.” She said again with a small smile curved on her lips. Surely this is not the dead woman who he saw an hour ago, because this one has a damn clean and beautiful skin and totally beautiful; how come the corpse has turn into this lovely lady in front of him?


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Comments:

This is really pretty good.
I found a few errors. But, other than that it was really good.
Can't wait to read more.
The errors I found were you should have put moved instead of move. Sense it is past tense then.
And instead of on it should have been in.
And rings should be rang.
The only other thing was the sentence where you had "his partner voice in on the phone."
It should maybe be like his partner asked on the phone.
I hope this helps, and I hope you didnt mind me telling you those.
That's all I found.
I give it a 4.5/5
The .5 was just for the very few mistakes you made.
Everyone makes mistakes though.
Keep up the great work!
I can't wait to read more from you.

~mandy

Posted: May 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanx...Actually,my eng is not that good,sometime I got confuse wit it...Please help me out wit my mistakes..n_n

Hehehe... You did it again, Orange... Just hurry up with the other chapters woman!

Posted: May 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Heheee..Thanks u, WOMaNNNNNN!!!When r u going to post ur?

hi! orange. do let me know why did u title it "my" ghost. get moving. ;-)

Posted: May 14, 2008

Author Comment:

For some people, ghost r some part of their life...some believe it n some afraid of it...well, let just say..when u have a love one,i'm sure u will always remember them, right? They r just like the ghost in ur mind coz they keep roaming in ur head all the time...hahahaa...That's why I titled it 'my ghost'...just keep reading n u will understand...Thanx..

The concept is good. Are you going to develop it further.

Posted: May 14, 2008

Author Comment:

Yes, actually I was trying to make my story better n better everytime..Thanks u..

whoa. shit. double whoa. hella-cool. great start.
Lydia_xxxx

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanx...n_n

too good...going to read the next chapter.....

*hurrying*

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanx...n_n

thank you for yr comments*

written very well i must say... id like to read more!

Posted: Nov 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanx...



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Other writing by Orange Fay My Ghost (chapter 2) What goes around comes around Finally Found More..



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