Catching a glance of him from across the room my breath catches in my throat, tears swim to the surface, my heart constricts with the pain of seeing him again. I hate him I solidly tell myself. Soon, like an age old defence mechanism towards pain, anger rises. I dwell in the safety of my fury. But buried deeply inside deeper than any other memory I have buried, is the memory of him, the memory of us. In an attempt to bury this memory further I remember his betrayal, the betrayal of the boy I used to love.
I see her from across the room and the dull pain of losing her rises; she's so beautiful she glows with it. Male heads instinctively turn towards her as they walk past. Yet she sits oblivious to the interest around her instead she gives all her attention to the guy she's with. As it's always been with her jealousy swiftly rises. You idiot I tell myself for the hundredth time since she broke up with me. For the life of me I can't rid myself of the memory of her, the memory of us. So I give into it, I remember the girl I still love, the girl I lost.
The images swim to the surface quickly they have had much practice. As Drake the guy I'm with goes on and on about him self, I block him out and my anger helps me remember.
As the happy memories come to a close my mind forces me to remember my betrayal and the painful break up that followed.
Twin memories merge from across the room one remembering to remember the other to forget.
The music was loud the bass deep making you feel like you were the music and the music was you. He stands waiting for her to arrive nervously tapping his feet to the beat and wiping his sweating palms on his jeans. He smiles ironically even though they had been dating for over six months each date still felt like their first. From where he stands he spots her moms car. Anticipates the car door opening. Watches as one slim leg slides from the car. As its pair follows he smiles. As she steps from the car her eyes search the crowd for him she spots him leaning against the pillar watching her. Suddenly she's tingling with life everything is suddenly so brilliant like the edges have been sharpened. The music becomes infectious; giddily smiling she walks towards him. As he sees her approaching he can't help but notice the male heads that turn in her direction but he determinedly squashes the jealous feelings. He walks towards her so that they can meet half way.
‘Hello Gabriel' her sultry voices calls to him her cheeky smile tempts him.' Hello Alexis' he greets equally formal. She laughs and walks into his arms. Holding her is like a slice of heaven served to him on a golden platter. Being held by him was like coming home to the only safe place in the world. The night only improved from there on the party was full of life the music vibey and young, filled with promise of things to come. They were inseparable too lost in each other to care about the world outside that was until her cellphone rang.
With the technological ring of reality things slowly unfolded before their eyes. Once she hung up she turned to him her voice vibrant with happiness ‘That was Craig he says he can make it isn't that great?' she asks, ‘Yeah great' his less than enthusiastic voice replies. Annoyed she turns on him ‘Gabriel you know Craig is like a brother to me, yes we are very close but there is no attraction involved how many times do I have to tell you we are just friends, when are you going to trust me?' ‘Its not you I don't trust it's him' with an annoyed jealous toss of his head he turns on her ‘I'm thirsty I'm going to get something to drink you want something?' Angry now she replies ‘No I don't but go ahead walk away it's what you're good at. They both knew this was unfair but both were too proud to point it out and make their apologies.
He turns and walks away she folds her arms and waits for Craig. As he returns with his drink and his pride in his pocket ready to forgive, be forgiven and forget. He sees Craig walk up to Alexis he watches as she squeals in delight and throws her arms around him he watches as he spins her around and lightly kisses her on the cheek. His jealousy clouded eyes fail to see the brotherly and sisterly affection between the two. All he sees is another guy touching his beautiful Alex the girl he'd fallen madly in love with. Hurt pride and jealous rage tears at him. He scrunches up his paper cup angrily tosses it to the floor and walks away vowing to show her that he didn't need her even when it was so obvious he did.
Alex sighs as she watches Gabriel storm off. She loved him so much but his possessiveness was sometimes difficult to handle she acknowledges that she shouldn't have lost her temper. ‘Everything ok' she hears Craig ask, ‘Yeah just had a little fight with Gabe I'm just going to go apologise ok?' she replies ‘Of course, hope you work things out and don't worry even people perfect for each other fight' he says ‘Thanks' she smiles as runs into the house to find the boy she loves.
She runs from room to room and not a glimpse of him to be seen. Sources replete she tries's the back yard. As she walks out side she spots someone under the gazebo something tells her it's Gabriel. Smiling in relief she picks up pace as she nears the gazebo however she slows down a sick feeling works it's way up from the pit of her belly. Gabriel is not alone. The closer she gets the more her need to turn and run rises but a pride she never realised existed pushes her forward. Nothing could quite prepare her for the sight of her beloved Gabriel locked in a passionate embrace with some girl. The boy she had so hesitantly given her heart too, so unwillingly trusted. His betrayal cut through her destroying her delicate happy world. She cursed her self for falling for him because all she'd done was crashed and burned with the fall.
Needing to hurt him like he had just hurt her, needing it to be more sly and malicious than his crude tactics she leans against the pole to the opening of the gazebo and waits. Slow painful moments tick by as she waits finally with his back still to her he breaks free of the girl. He blinks as he realises what he's done. ‘Go' he rasps at the girl he just betrayed Alex with, self disgusts fills him. ‘Excuse me?' the girl asks scornfully. ‘Just go!!' he bellows ‘Jerk' the girl mutters as she pushes past Alexis. Covering his eyes he hears a sultry chuckle he knows so well. He whirls around and manages to choke out her name ‘Alex.' She smiles sardonically wanting to thrust the knife into him much deeper. Arching a delicate brow and with a slight cough she speaks ‘I think its time we left this party, don't you? Your dad is still giving me a lift home right?' Breathless he replies ‘Yeah but Alex I think...' She interrupts him before he can finish, ‘Never a good idea. Call your father I'm ready to go home I'll meet you out front.' Her control slipping she turns around without a word and walks off. ‘Alex, wait!' he shouts after her she pretends not to hear him. Dejected the realisation hits him he had already lost her. Slowly he takes out his cellphone and calls his dad.
The car ride home is strained and awkward she sits quietly aloof he keeps up a constant chatter with his father to cover the strained silence. After an eternity they arrive out side her house. She politely thanks his father and slips from the car; he follows her needing to know. ‘Alex we need to talk listen it was stupid I know and I know there is not much chance but...' For the second time that night she interrupts him ‘Gabriel I don't really care' slowly she walks towards him slips her arms around his neck and brings her lips to his ear and whispers, ‘I think you already know we're over.' With that the gate opens she slips from him, not wanting to lose her he grabs her arm. Her voice deathly cold, icily dangerous, she turns on him ‘don't touch me.' Shocked at the hatred in her eyes and the cold anger in her voice he drops her arm and watches as she walks away from him, knowing that he would regret this moment for the rest of his life.
The memory fuels my anger my hatred grows for him. But the memory brings with it a deeper anger at my self. I had made myself vulnerable to him gave him pieces of me that should have been locked away. For that my hurt pride could never let me forgive myself and never let me forgive him. Needing to get away from the hum of voices and incessant thump of music, I get up and walk out side. As I walk past him he calls out to me like that night so long ago ‘Alex, wait' knowing that I have to face him one last time I turn around.
‘Hello Alexis' I say as she turns to face me, she's so beautiful and for one unguarded moment I see stark pain and longing flash in her face before she replies. ‘Hello Gabriel' she murmurs and then she turns and walks away into the moonlight without a backward glance. Desperately I make to go after her but a hand grabs my arm and roughly pulls me back a deep force commands me ‘Leave her be you have had your chance.' I turn to face Craig and my pent up anger and jealousy at him are heard in my voice ‘Let go of my arm who are you to tell me what to do' my voice cracks a little as pain wells ‘I still love her isn't there such a thing as second chances.' The pity in my enemies face is more than I can bear and his words that hold such a wealth of truth I cannot accept. ‘There are no second chances when it comes to Alexis, not with someone like her. You demanded all of her and that was something she couldn't give you. You were lucky she gave you the most and then you took all that she gave you and threw it away. You lost her but she lost more she lost some of herself.' Dejected I sit down not wanting to see the truth in his words I mutter half to myself half to him ‘It was one time, just one mistake, one time' Before he turns to go he says the words I cannot tolerate to hear ‘One act of betrayal is all it takes'