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A boys struggle with himself.


Submitted:May 11, 2013    Reads: 38    Comments: 1    Likes: 0   


Omg, why is it so hard to let go of someone who you don't even know if she cares about you!


I just want to say "I love you Erin" but the words won't come out. I'm scared to start a new chapter in my life. Things seem to be going just fine right now, but what if it gets worse down the road? What if she needs me, and I'm not there to help? "You flirt with too many guys Erin! You are breaking my heart and you don't even know it!" So I hold her hand in a play, and I enjoy every minute of it. But she doesn't know that I have an unquenchable love for her. Every week I tell my self "I'm done with her, I'm letting go, I'm going to forget that I like her" but then I see her again, and I can't help wishing that she was mine. "Be mine Erin!" But she does not hear, for I say it under my breath, too sacred that she should hear me. "I will love you, and keep you, and never shall you want anything if it be in my power to get it for you!" But once again, she does not hear it because I say it not aloud. "WHY?" Cries my heart, "Why can't you say that you love her?" I do not know, so I do not answer. "Just do it" says my heart, no, I can't, she cares not for me. She is too smart for me. She is too beautiful for me. She has the prettiest eyes, and I am not even worthy to look into them. My heart then asks "But will there ever be a man that will love her as you do?" No, but will she love me back? I'm sure that there was a time she did like me, but it is so hard to know. "Erin, why are you so confusing? I want you, and at times it feels like you want me." No she doesn't, I'm a freak, I have crazy hair that is very coarse, I'm a skinny farmer that is scared of spiders. She doesn't want me. I cry when others bring me down. "You also cry at night when you think about her" whispers my heart. SHUT UP! What if I join the Air Force? I would have to leave her behind. I would not want that for her. "It's a choice you are no longer sure of yourself, you know you can't be a pilot because of your allergies." But if I could only be an airmen, it would partially fulfill my dream. "No it wouldn't, you know that you only dreamed of being a pilot in the Air Force." Yes I know. "Then ask her if she likes you!" NO, you know how scared I get. "I don't care, just do it."
"Erin, I think you are the most amazing girl in this universe, I don't know if you know, but I have had a mad crush on you ever since I first saw you in the play "Pollyanna". I don't know if you share these feelings, so that's why I am asking you. I'm a shy kid, and talking to girls has always been hard for me. That is why I find it hard to say this. So here goes."
"Erin, do you like me? If you say no, then I shall find a way to carry on. I want the truth, as it is, don't twist it or drag it out. It is a simple yes no question. Don't feel sorry if the answer is no, for that is what the answer is for me if I don't ask you."
"Well done" says my heart, "Now you shall have your answer"
But I sound like an idiot, my words are all over the place, is that even a complete sentence? "Now is not the time to be worried about grammar" It is too!! You know my passion for grammar, I like to correct every book I read. "You think too much, go to sleep" fine, maybe next week will be better? "Sure, just ask the question though, stop stalling" gaaa! Ok, I'll try.





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