Hi, my name is Marissa. I’ll going to be 21 soon, a senior interior designer’s student of a well known college in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I’m Malay with a mix of American blood. My mom is American, born and live in California until she married my father who is a Malaysian and currently living in Kuala Lumpur, capital of Malaysia. I have my mom green eyes and my dad dark brown hair. People always like to stare at my eyes saying it’s beautiful but I’m getting feed-up and irritate with people staring at it all the time when talking to me especially guys. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not lesbian or anything is just that, I hate it when guys just keep telling me I’m beautiful, beautiful and beautiful. Yes, no kidding they keep repeating those words. Irritating right? What happen if I’m not, are they going to run away? I wondered sometimes.
‘Jue, help me please!! What am I going to do?’ I ask Julia my best friend since we’re babies.
Well I’m having this problem with this guy name Qamal who keep asking me for the 10th time to go on a date with him. Not that he’s not hot or anything it just that I hate his guts. He likes to boast about his wealth, his looks and everything. All the girls love him but I really hate him and need to be free from him. I’m really out of ideas how to deny him.
‘Girlfriend, relax, let me think for a while,’ says Jue.
‘Jue, how can I relax? He’s coming now’. I quickly duck my head under the table. Unfortunately, too late, he saw me.
‘Hi Julia, hello beautiful’, he says looking at Jue first and then me. ‘So, can I come and pick you up after class today’.
‘Sorry, I don’t think I can make it’, I says while looking at Jue for help.
‘What is you reason now?’ increasing his voice to me.
‘Well..’ I scrambled with my words thinking what to say.
‘She can’t caused she’s picking up her fiancé today at the airport. He’s coming home from US.” Jue told him without hesitation. She didn’t even look at me saying it. I’m the one looking at her with mouth wide open and quickly closed it when I realised Qamal is looking at me with wide eyes and mouth.
‘What, your engaged? With who? When?’ Qamal bombard me and Jue with the questions.
‘Well, actually last semester break. You remember my cousin Ben, well it’s him. They make cute couples aren’t they?’ explained Jue with her giggles.
This time I look at Jue with wide eyes. No. Not Ben. He is much worse than Qamal. Even if he the last man on earth, I would still not choose him as my date. I almost said it loud at Jue, but control myself since Qamal is still around.
‘You really break my heart, Marissa, but congrats anyway. If you ever break off with him, you know I’ll be there’. He said sadly and gone.
‘What are you thinking?’ I screamed at Jue. ‘Of all the peoples, why is that bloody idiot Ben? I know he’s your cousin, but you know I hate his guts’.
‘Well I have to think fast. You should actually thank me caused I make him gone out of you life. Now you free, girlfriend. What wrong with Ben anyway? He’s most definitely hotter than Qamal. You used to have a crush on him remember? So what wrong? And since his best friend, Naz is my boyfriend it would be easy for us to go on double date anytime’. Jue waving her hand as if she doing me a very big favour.
‘God, Jue, that’s was when I am still naïve. Well anyway thanks for your help. Next time, I think twice before asking it again. I hope he don’t spread the words around. I don’t know what will happen. What if Ben comes home with a girl friend, wife or something? What are you going to tell them? God, I wish I could just die, right here and now.” slumping my head on the table wishing I could vanish thru the table.
‘Relax girlfriend, Ben don’t have anybody. I know, caused Naz told me so. Don’t worry, I bet Ben wouldn’t mind playing as you fiancé. I’ll call him and explain. Hey, why don’t we both go and pick them up at the airport today? You haven’t seen him for how long? 6 years, right? Come with me and maybe you can practice your part, hee hee,’ grinned Jue.
‘No thanks, I rather die than meet that guy. Bye, I got class to attend. Are you coming’, I said standing and picking my books.
‘Yeah, let’s go’. Jue says still giggling.
I can’t concentrate at all while in class. I have flashback on Ben. We have not meet for 6 years since he had gone to further his studies in States. He is 2 years older than me and Jue and now his coming home for good and taking over his father’s business soon.
Karl Benjamin, well that his full name, he’s definitely hot, the most handsome, most beautiful male creation of god. He’s has everything a woman ever dream about a man. He is like me, a mix of Malay and American. Yes, his mother is an American, his mother and my mother are best friend till now, and both his family and mine are closed, so is Jue family. Jue father is the oldest brother of Ben’s father and their grandparents and my grandparents are also very close. So you can see that my dad and his father are friends since babies like us.
Jue is right. I use to have a crushed on Ben. Come to think about it, I think I still have crushed on him. My heart still beat faster whenever his name was mentioned. Even now, just thinking about him make my palms sweat. He really has some power over me.
Like I said, I have a crushed on Ben, but I pushed that feeling away, scare that I will be hurt by him. Just by seeing he’s talking and laughing with other girls but ignoring me has hurt me so much. That’s right he always ignored me while he treated other girls with his romantic charms. Ever since he has been ignoring me, I make myself less existed in front of him. Even when he’s leaving for States, I did not go to the airport with my family bid goodbyes.
I wondered what his reaction when he found out Jue lied about us being engage. Will he angry? What would really happen if he comes home with a girlfriend or worse a wife? Can I go on with my lives? God, help me please, I prayed silently.
Marissa, Marissa, Marisa, that name has been haunting me, day and night, in my sleep, in between my studies, when I’m alone, when I’m with my friends or when I was surrounded by beautiful girls. I can’t keep her out of my mind. God knows, I love that girl, everything about her. Her smile, her laugh, her frown, her beautiful heart shape face, sweet kissable pink lips, her small pointy nose, her small ears, her long dark brown her and especially her most beautiful crystallites green eyes. Everything about her makes me miss her more and more everyday. How I wish I can tell her I love her and that she meant the world to me. But I didn’t.
All because I thought she in love with my best friend’s Naz. I’m so blind with jealousy to see that she was trying to match mate Naz with Julia. All I saw was the way she talks and smile at him sweetly. She would play with his hand, holding it tight and hug him. I thought they were lovers and I would stand on their way, so I back off. I totally ignored her. Make myself busy with all the other girls around me. Slowly, she too became invisible and we never saw each other again even when I’m leaving for States 6 years ago. I only found out from Naz on the plane, that thanks to Marissa, he and Julia had become lovers. I was stunned and happy at the same time. I was thinking that I will tell her my feelings when I came back for holidays. But sadly, she still put up with her invisible stunt. Whenever I came back for holidays, she too will leave the country and went on holidays with either her brother or friends. So I really never get to see her at all whenever I came home which really make me frustrated.
Naz and Julia already knew about my feelings toward Marissa. Julia convinced me that the feeling is mutual. Marissa has the same feeling towards me but because I’ve been ignoring her, she felt rejected. That’s was why the put up the invisible act. Julia promise to help, but I told her, I want to be the one to tell her how I feel. I hope I’m not too late. Julia told me that she is still single and I still have the chance and prayed to god that it’s true.
‘Can’t wait to be home, ya?’, Naz nudge me waking me up from my own thoughts.
‘Yeah, can’t wait’, I smile at Naz
‘Can’t wait to see her right?’ asked Naz again.
‘Yeah. You think she will feel the same?’ I asked Naz
“Definitely, I know her. She might not admit it to you but I know she is’.
‘I really hope so. I don’t know what I’ll do if she rejected me. I don’t think I can live without her anymore. 6 Years was enough. I really miss her’, I sigh.
‘Well tell her then, don’t wait any longer. Whatever happened, don’t ever let her get away from you again, ever again.’ Advice Naz, which I think I really needed.
‘Don’t worry I will never let her be invisible from my life ever again’. I nodded.
‘Naz, Ben. Hey over here guys’. Julia screamed our name while waving her hand up at us.
‘Hey babe’. They were now hugging and Naz was spinning Julia around. Lovebirds, I smile at myself looking at them. How I wish that was me and Marissa. I will definitely hug her tightly and kiss her until both of us out of breath. I then scream out loud letting the whole world know that I miss and love her. I would…
‘Hey, quit dreaming and hug you cousin’. Julia knocking my head waking me up from my day dream.
‘Yeah... yeah... come here you... I know you miss me too’, I said hugging Julia. She’s just like my little sister and I love her.
‘I know you miss me and .... her... more..’ Julia said while hugging me and played with my hair.
‘Yes, I admit I do. So how is she? Still available right?’ God please make sure she still available. Please. Silently I prayed and gave a hopeful look at Julia.
‘Well, I sorry. She’s engage now’ Julia told me in her small sad voice.
‘What? When? Who?’ I asked. I can feel the tear start to build up in my eyes. God, why? Please don’t do this to me. Please.
‘Well, today, during lunch time.’ Julia said now smiling and winking at Naz.
‘Ha?! Why are you smiling” I desperately asked Julia. ‘How can you smile and happy seeing how depressed I am right now?”
‘Don’t worry, dump head! I’m faking her engagement. Well actually, you remember Qamal the guy from college I told him that she is engaged to you. He has been asking her out on a date. Luckily she doesn’t like Qamal. So to make Qamal leave her alone, I told him that she’s engaged to you. Clever, heh.” grinning, Julia.
Genius, Julia. ‘Wow, how does she take it?’
‘Not very happy I can tell you that. But, I can tell you this, I’m giving you a chance to proceeds with you next action. Don’t you ever do anything dumb and let her go again. Remember this, you might be my favourite cousins, but if you ever break her heart, you will wish you were never alive. Remember that’ warned Julia.
‘That’s goes the same with me Ben. I might be you best friend, but if anything happen to Marissa, I’ll be the first to hunt you down’. Naz who’s now standing besides Julia and holding her shoulder looking seriously at me.
‘Thanks you guys. Don’t worry. I will never let her slip thru my fingers again, and if I ever hurt her, I would rather kill myself and die’,
‘Good. Now what is your plan? When you going to tell her how you feel?” asked Julia eagerly.
‘Well, you guys just have to wait’, with a wide grin I told both Julia and Naz and get in the waiting car.
“Good Morning, Daddy, Mummy”. I said while hugging and kissing my dad whose reading his morning paper on the cheek.
“Morning, Princess. Sleeps well?” he answer looking up from the paper. He’s been calling me princess since I was a baby.
“Hmm yes,” I said while opening the fridge door taking out the orange juice.
“Do you know that Ben is back last night?” My mom whose been standing at the counter asked me.
My heart leaps when I heard her mentioned Ben’s name but I casually answered “Yeah, I do. Jue told me yesterday”. Taking the toasted sandwich and set opposite my dad.
‘” So you know that he’s having a party tonight?” Ask mom again.
“A party? No’. I answered her, looking at the newspaper my dad was reading as if what mom told me meant nothing, but wondering whether am I invited.
“We all are invited to the party tonight”. Mom said and come to sit next to dad.
“I... don’t think I can go.” I tell her. “I have to finish my assignment for submission this Monday. It’s an important assignment”.
“Why are you always tried to avoid Ben”. My dad whose had been silence all the while now looking directly and me and asked.
“Who says I avoiding him? I’m not. I really have to finish my assignment. You know how important they are, daddy. This is my last year in college. I have to have good grades to ensure my place in the company that sponsoring me” I look at dad with a sad eyes hoping he believe me. I always manage to get away with dad when I give him that look.
“I know it’s important. But you also know how close Ben’s family is to us. You have not seen him for the past 6 years. Can’t you just take one night off? The way I look at it you are trying to avoid him.” dad said to me with his angry and serious face. He never talked that way to me before. He must have really pissed at me. I just bowed my head looking down at my breakfast. I could feel the tears were forming in my eyes waiting to drop. Control it, don’t let it drop, I told myself.
I just sat there quietly not answering him when he sat up and said “You are coming with us tonight no matter what. No excuses,” and walked to the living room.
“Just for tonight, darling. Don’t make your daddy angry. Your never sees him angry with you before, right? Just come with us,” mom trying to soothed me. “Anyway, Ben is going to introduce his fiancé to everybody during the party. We have to be there”. My head look up in shocked hearing what she says. No it can’t be true. Please say it’s not true.
“He’s engaged?” I asked mom.
“Unofficially engaged? They’re going to officiate it tonight”. God, it is true. I can feel my tears really build up. Please don’t let them fall in from of my mom. She can’t know how I feel. I have to keep my head down.
“Who’s the lucky girl” curiosity kills me.
“I don’t know. Ben says we have to come to know who she is. From what I heard, the girl went to the same school with him and he is so deeply in love with her”.
“Oh, really”. I keep wondering who she is and Ben is deeply in love with her. I can feel my heart is tearing to pieces and my world has collapse to the ground. Darkness has filled my life.
“We’re going there by 7.30pm. So get yourself ready. Wear something beautiful. You wanna come with me to the salon this afternoon? We can have our hair and make-up done” my mom says looking at me smiling.
“No thanks. I think I can do it my self. I have to finish my assignment so I don’t have to worry about it tonight”. Slowing I stand up throwing my unfinished breakfast and juice in the bin. I suddenly lost my appetite.
“Well ok. I’ll go alone”. Mom left the kitchen to the living room joining my dad.
I just stood there looking at where she’s standing. I knees weakening and I ran up to my room and straight to my bed crying my heart out. He had found someone to share his life with him. This is what you want. You asked for it, my head told me. No. my heart answered, I love him. I never stop loving him. Now I have no hope to be with him. That’s what you get from being invisible from him. 6 years you have not seen him and what do you expect. You have been avoiding him and you think he will think of you. Stupid girl. Get over him. Get on with you life. There are other men who still want you. Just snap you fingers and they will come running to you. My head tells me. But my heart keeps telling me, no man can take his place in you heart. But what can you do, you are too late now. And my sobs become louder and louder..
Ben was standing at the door, walking to and fro nervously. The party is going starts soon. It’s already 7.45 pm. Marissa and her parents have not arrived. He prayed hard that Marissa would turn up. Her parents have promised Ben that they will ensure she’ll be there. He had planned it well with his parents and her parents and they are happy with his decision. He has to ensure everything goes well. He will ensure she will never slip away from him again. He will express all his love to her tonight and he will make her admitted she felt the same.
“Where is she?” he asked himself loudly.
“Don’t worry, she on the way. She’s coming. She told me so. She has no choice. Her father has force her to come”. He don’t know that Julia been standing behind him observing his every move and with a wide smile on her face.
“Are you nervous?” she nudged him playfully.
“You bet I am”. Ben says while his eyes still watching outside. “I hope I’m doing the right thing. I hope I didn’t push her away from me. I don’t want to lose her, Julia.”
“No worries. You are doing the right thing. I can assure you that. She was crying when she call me today asking me whether is it true that you are engaged. She told me everything she felt toward you. She really upset with herself. I have to play along and feel sorry for her. I can really hear her distraught voice. I nearly tell her the truth. But I want you to be the one to tell her everything, and I know you will do it right” Julia ensuring him.
Ben smile at Julia and hope she’s right. Then his faces brighten up when he saw Marissa parent’s car pulling into the porch. His saw Marissa getting out of the car. His let out a small gasp seeing how stunning she looked. God knows how much he wanted to run to her and hold her in his arm and never let go.
“Calm down yourself, Ben. Don’t go to her yet. Just ignore her at first. Go and talk to the other girls Keep it to our plan”. Julia reminded him. Her smiles become wider.
“Yeah right” he quickly move away from the door and went to a group of girls talking to them.
“Hey girlfriend” greeted Julia and giving Marissa a hug. “Wow, you look beautiful”.
“Hey, thanks, Jue. You look great yourselves”. Marissa let go of Julia and look nervously while walking in to the house. “I though the party is only for close friends and family”.
“No. Ben wanted the world to know who his fiancé is”. Julia explained rolling her eyes. She could feel Marissa’s cold fingers gripping hers. “It will be ok Marissa. You will be fine. I will be at your side all the time. I promise”. They have entered the house which full of guest. Most of them are known to Marissa while others are not. They went to stand at the corner of the hall.
“He must have really loved her to do that‘. Marissa said sadly looking at Julia. “I’m such a stupid girl, Jue. I just let him slip from me just like that. I’ve should have fight for him like you have done for Naz. Love is a crazy thing. You only realised how much he means to you when you’re losing him. Now it too late and I wish I could turn back the time”.
“If you could turn back the time, what would you do, Marissa?” asked Julia smiling.
“I will push all the girls away to get his attention and make sure he doesn’t ignore me anymore. I will wait for him every time he came home for holidays. I will tell him that he is my world and the only man in my heart. I will … “
“You will not make yourselves invisible again?” Marissa jump to Ben’s voice whose is now standing behind her looking at her with loving eyes.
“I leave you two alone”, Julia said and whisper to Ben “Make it right ok?” and Ben nodded.
Marissa grabbed Julia hand and pulled her “You promise not to leave me”. She whispers.
“Do worry girlfriend. Everything is going to be fine. Trust me” Julia hugged her and kissed her cheek and left.
Marissa is standing alone nervously looking at Ben. God, he is so gorgeous. His black hair has grown longer that she remember but it still look beautiful on him. He had grown more masculine and mature. He has a body of a perfect man. How she wished she could just run her fingers on his masculine body and played with his beautiful hair. Then she remembered... he must have heard her conversation with Julia just now. Shyly she looked down and played with her cold hand.
“Hey. How have you been?” She looked up and realised that Ben is standing close to her. Too close, she can smell his cologne. Nice smell.
“I’m... fine. You?” she answered him in small voice. She can’t get the voice out as if something was stuck in her throat.
“I’m good. I’m glad you came and not doing you invisible act again.” He laughed. “I got a feeling that you are trying to avoiding me. Are you?” Ben leaning near to her ears and whispered “I’ve miss you. Do you miss me?”
Marissa gulped hearing Ben’s words. Slowly she turned her face to look at Ben whose handsome face is only inches away from her. “Congratulations on your engagement”. She told him instead. Ben smile at her making her heart beats faster.
“Thank you. I heard from Julia that you are engage too. So, congratulations to you too. I wonder who’s the lucky guy that have capture you heart. You must have been talking about him just now with Julia”. Ben says with smile and looking straight into her eyes. Marissa swallowed hard upon hearing Ben words. Oh no, does he know that he is her fake fiancé? Most probably he doesn’t, cause if he does, he would not have congrats her, right, and she told herself.
“Oh no, I’m not engage. Julia just made up stories.”
“So it means that you are still available? Then who are you both talked about?” He asked her.
“Ting.. Ting.“ suddenly Ben’s dad knocking his glass getting everyone to pay attention to him. Whoa save by the bell, though Marissa thankfully.
“Ladies and gentlemen, families and friends, may I have your attention please.” Ben dad says thru the microphone.
Ben quickly took Marissa hand and headed to the stage. Marissa was too stunned to say anything. She just followed him. He just holding her hand but she could feel her body burning and her heart beat betting loudly.
“Welcome everybody and thank you for coming. As you know this party is to celebrate Benjamin homecoming after completed his MBA. Tonight will also be a special night not only for him but for me and my wife too caused tonight he shall introduce to you his fiancé”. His dad continue proudly and looking at Ben who still holding Marissa’s hand with a wide smile. Everybody was clapping happily. “Ben would you like to make the introduction now?” asked his father.
Ben nod and pull Marissa along with him “come, follow me”, he told Marissa. She looked at him confusedly and hesitated.
“Just come, don’t worry, everything fine” Ben assure her.
She has no choice but to follow him up the stage. She still has no idea why his asked her to join him. She looked down and saw Julia and Naz who are smiling as her and give their thumbs-up. Julia mouthed to her ensuring that everything will be fine. She saw her parents and Ben’s mother also coming up the stage. What’s going on? She asked herself.
Ben then move closely to the microphone without letting her hand go and announce. “Families and friends, thank again for coming. Tonight is the happiest day of my life caused I get to proudly introduce to you the woman who have captured my heart. I love her more than words can say. She is my world and being apart from her for 6 years has been the worst years of my life”.
Turning toward Marissa, who was too stunned to move or do anything, he says to her “Marissa, I love you with all my heart. I can’t leave any longer without you. Will you be my lover, my fiancé and my wife? He then lift up her hand and take out a ring from his pocket and slip it thru her index finger and asked “Will you be mine forever?”
Marissa can feel her body is burning and suddenly her head is spinning. She too shock about what happen and collapse to the floor, fainted.
Marissa woke up in dim light room. God, she must be having a dream. A beautiful dream, she smiled to herself. Ben has confess his love to her and slipping a beautiful diamond ring. God, she wanted to continue that beautiful dream and runs her hand to her index finger where Ben has placed the ring. She was so shock that to find the ring there and put up her hand to look at it clearer. It is not a dream.
“Thank god you awake. I’m so worry” Ben who was sitting on the chair came to sit beside her on the bed facing her. “I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t mean to make you fainted. I wanted to make it a surprise. I’m so sorry if I have scared you. I really didn’t mean to....” Marissa stopped him with her finger on his lips.
“Shhhh... Ben... I love you. I love you Benjamin. I love you with all my heart. I can’t live without you, Ben. I’ve been a stupid girl for the past 6 years making myself invisible from you. I want to be with you till the end of my life. I’m yours, Ben. Forever and ever”
Upon hearing her words, Ben lips came down crushing hers, kissing her with all the love he feel towards her and she respond to his kiss with the same feeling. They both out of breath when their lips apart. Their head still joins and Ben rubs his nose against hers with a loving smile on his face. His eyes were full of love when he looked into hers and whispers, “I love you too, Marissa Harris. I love you. You are my world. Without you my life is meaningless. My heart, my soul and everything are yours. I’m yours now, tomorrow and till end of our lives, “and he kissed her again.
Hi, my name is Marissa. I’m married now. Yes, I’ve married Ben the love of my heart. We were married a month after my graduation. Now I’m pregnant with our first child. We don’t know the sex of our baby caused Ben wants it be a surprise. He says not matter what sex our baby is we will still love it the same cause the baby is ‘OURS’.