The moon was high overhead. It’s fullness illuminating the forest below us and the house above us. We lay in the grass, watching the moon and what stars were visible.
It had been years since we’ve just sat together. Years since we’ve done anything together.
Conversation was light. We talked about horses, cars, summer, and college.
Something compelled me to do what I did next. It might have been the moon or the crisp October air. It might have been the way we settled into each others presence or the pent up emotions over the years.
I picked myself up off the cool grass and repositioned myself over her. My knees rested on either side of her hips and my hands on either side of her head. My face was inches away from hers. I held this position, waiting to see who would make the next move.
That mischievous glint came to her eyes, daring me to make something of my position. Then, before I knew it, we were wrestling like we used to in middle school. She pinned me to the ground in the same position I had been in.
I wrestled her back into our starting position only with her hand pinned. I kissed her exposed neckline and waited for a reaction. When there was no movement to stop me I continued up her neck and across her jawbone. There was still no resistance, so I did it up the other side, stopping just short of her lips.
Our gazes locked and I saw a different look in her eyes. One that I had longed to see from her. Desire. She wanted me to kiss her. She wanted me to take her shirt off so she could feel that cool grass on her bare back and my hands on her skin. She wanted my hand tangled in her hair and her legs tangled with mine. She wanted me.
We spent the rest of our time together that night kissing and cuddling in the grass. It didn’t matter to me that I had a girlfriend. It didn’t matter that she had hurt me in the past. It didn’t matter that we could be caught at any moment. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t the person I wanted to be.
All that mattered was that moment. That time. That experience and feeling, knowing I was wanted.
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