DEDICATED TO a really good friend of mine <3 Reamae Alimbon. :)) My dear, I hope you'll like it <3 And to all of you who might able to read this, who also have been through this...it's for all of you :)
---------------------------------------------N & X Forever-------------------------------------------
My whole life’s forever changed when I met a guy in a site full of strangers. Cyber chatting had always been my escape from my eccentric world. I never thought that love, in this state, would bother me. I had a friend namely Kris, she’s my best friend and she’s the one who told me about the site. This is a way different site than to what I am using. I got bored then I gave it a try and there I met Xavier Dunst, he is an Indian by raise but he grew up in Ireland.
I’m chatting to meet people across country and who knows? I might just have a chance to meet them soon. I never asked money to help me on my finances nor asked them for a ticket to be able to travel in their country. I am raised by a good family but without vast wealth. Middle class as we call it here in the Philippines.
We started trading our “Hi’s” and Xavier was quick. He asked for my phone number and I’m not that easy-to-get kind of girl but I don’t know…because the moment he asked it, I never think twice as what I’m always doing to the others. He’s different from them, a mile different than other men I’ve chatted and had fake relationships with. Xavier was a good man, though we know it’s hard to judge, most specially those you’ve never seen in person. But indeed, there are things that only heart could explain.
I’ve had good times with Xavier through my phone and my laptop. Talking to him was like listening to a weird kind of music that would wake you up from being asleep caused by boredom. Throughout everything, I never noticed that he’s living in a faraway land. I mean, faraway from the land I’m currently standing. He’s not a rude guy, unlike any other. I can tell it by the way we had our conversations. From then I never know that I already loved him. I loved him first. I love him so much that he never had an idea how my love could travel along just to reach him. I deal with this already, that this kind of love was the killing kind. But I pushed myself to just survive through this.
I was star struck when I saw him on cam. I got so shy that I even can’t look at him. He was lying on his bed and seemed to look like he’s very tired but his smile brought an intense drought to me, as a desert. We talk like there’s no ending side. I was able to blow him up my problems and then get some positive advices from him and it keeps me going. Xavier was able to capture me by his sweetness. He called me honey, sometimes baby, etc. I’ve been called by my previous chat-mates and boyfriends like that before but what’s unusual is his “I love you”. It doesn’t sound like just simply saying “Hi”, though he laughed at saying that...I can feel his sincerity.
One time, I wasn’t able to communicate with him because my parents took my phone out of me because they wanted me to focus on my studies, but we all need some bites of inspiration—someone that will teach us to reach our goals effortlessly though the pressure in class is beating us up. My mind was flying; I can’t catch up what my teacher’s been talking because Xavier’s thought preoccupied my head. I can feel the itch on my fingers that was so eager to search for him, might be on my phone or even just in computer. After class before going home I spent a penny straight to an internet shop. My heart was all out pumping when he almost filled my inbox. I was shocked when a small message box pop-out and said “Hi honey!” I felt an abrupt happiness deep within me that I almost couldn’t hide, I was smiling. Xavier told me everything; he asked why he can’t reach me when he’s calling. Then I lied. I told him I lost my phone. It’s quite not an idiotic answer, though. I just wanted not to justify that it all happened to be my parent’s command, to take my phone.
My birthday’s coming and he knew it after we did getting to know each other for a couple of months. Xavier told me that he loved talking to me. We spend almost an hour every time we talked on my phone before. I am trying to tell him that it’s up to him if he wanted to.
An unexpected gift did arrive. It’s a touch-screen phone. It was sealed with love. The moment I got it and then opened it, he called. I was speechless. Trying to cover up my nervousness. He was so precious as what this phone means to me.
He woke me in the morning and he leads me to sleep at night. The world has no idea of what I’m feeling now. Sometimes, unexpected things are the best more than the expected ones. We enjoyed talking, it's like where also hanging out though we can’t hold each others hands. He can’t blame me sometimes from doubting if this is really acceptable in the reality but what calms me down is when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wonder how we look like in reality. Fear crept into my mind now. That he might break me, torn me, stab me or might left me all hanging in the line. We became friends for quite a long time from now. We started in friendship before getting into this. I definitely said “Yes!” not because he’s good looking but because my heart trusted him.
Xavier Dunst, is working as a manager of one of the branches of the top leading Ice Cream company in Ireland. He’s working and at the same time he's studying in a particular college there. He is very responsible, very talkative, open-minded person, and he is being respected there, he has his own car, he live alone in a beautiful petite apartment and he love’s tea. How he loved tea! He is a wonderful creature outside and what blooms him out is his good attitude in the inside. He respects me and that’s what made me fall for him. He looked like Turkish but a half of Indian but he’s white. Physically, he was able to adopt mostly what an Irish had. As what I’ve stated he grew up in Ireland, first with his family but when he turned to be a man his parents go back to India and left him in Ireland but he said they do have communication and that’s very important. He loves his family. He has hair as dark as the night sky and he loved to comb it by his finger, an eye that will melt you down and a lips that are kissable, an abs, a muscle, I can say that he really looked like a strong masculine. He supports me morally as what an ordinary boyfriend did to his girlfriend. When my guy friends were trying to put a comment in my facebook wall, I was surprised when he introduced himself as my boyfriend. All my friends knew him. He's very open. Seriously, Xavier has no idea how he made me very happy.
I tried to send him an “In a relationship” request in facebook and he didn’t decline, unless, he accepted it. Having someone that is really proud to have you in their life is the greatest achievement you will receive in your entire life. All along I still pretend that I am normally happy but deep inside insanity was torturing me! It could even kill me anytime just because I am trying to stop it from exploding. This was extreme and as time goes by we still do the same thing as what we ever first did. We never get used to it.
A few weeks later, busy days in school dominated my whole time that I couldn’t even answer his call because I know we will take long to it. I wasn’t able to check on the site for his messages same as I don’t have the time to check my facebook profile.
After a week or two, I headed to a computer shop where I’m about to check him. My eyes widened when I saw that no Xavier had appeared in my relationship status in facebook. I drag the arrow down and look for some comments, a girl named Lima Lintze was online and asked if who I’m in a relationship with. She was stunningly beautiful! Sharp nose, cute lips, nice eyes, long hair and oh...boobs that will take every man's breath away. We'll I couldn't compete with her. I'm just a simple Filipina woman. I do have long hair, a cute nose, an asian eye's and I'm quite chubby...but I sure had a heart as big as her butt was.
I told her it was Xavier, Xavier Dunst. There he started harassing me. Bullying me and even discriminating me. Lima tried her best to feed me with her hurtful words. I don’t want to end up as a pity girl accepting slaps on my face so I fight back. She was claiming that my boyfriend is his current boyfriend too, so it portrays that I looked like a mistress in a married couple. I trusted my boyfriend and so I shut her by saying that I won’t believe in her words. That I’ll only believe Xavier. Sudden silence occurred. I thought it was the end but a minute later she sent me a photo kissing Xavier on his left cheek. Honestly, I got hurt. I felt that very painful pinch inside my heart. An unexplainable pinch. I cut our conversation and bring my confusion in my bed. I was about to close my teary eyes when my phone rang.
I lazily answered the phone and for once, trying to listen to his lies again. I told him everything, I asked him anything regarding to such chaos that had happened between me and Lima. His whispering words comfort me. It’s like he’s saying “Baby, it will be alright!”. So I ended with a sigh and accepted the fact that he got me.
He explained everything about the picture, he told me that it was taken long ago and that happened to be his birthday that he allows everyone to kiss him. He tried very hard to ease the hurt I’ve been feeling. And I believed him. Then back again to what we used to do. We talked cam to cam and together we planned our future. Like just nothing had happened.
A day after my fight with Lima, he told me that he talked to her. Scolded her in a right way of conversing. Lima was his previous girlfriend. She was obsessed with Xavier. Funny how we may able to see the importance of a particular thing when their gone. Xavier's gone to her and he's mine.
I prayed for my prince. I hope I’ll end in Xavier’s arms. I’m hoping that one day everything will be fine. I am a graduating student in a cheap college school that provides quality education here in my city. I am striving hard to finish my studies and live with him in Ireland. So I put all my time and effort to my studies.
What had happened, my previous fight with Lima, I took it as a lesson that I should try to manage my time on everything. I tried my very best!
A word or even just a photo of him made my whole day everyday. We encourage ourselves to live life as it seems.
Honestly, giving up or cool-off intrudes both our minds but we sealed our relationship by our ring. It’s a silver infinity ring with letters embarked on it “N&X” (Nirvana and Xavier). He send me such thing and we both wearing it. It means forever. We have reason to stay with this. And there’s no guarantee that this love is that easy.
Sometimes, I envy those couples anywhere. Holding hands at the park, at the malls and watching movies together. This relationship I had with him isn’t normal and it’s hard to deal with the fact that where miles away from each other. We face many obstacles too, we get jealous often times but we discussed that it wouldn’t bring greatness in our relationship.
Love follows many rules and I know Xavier and me are both trying not to break it. If I cried my pillow catches those tiny tears and Xavier is wiping it by his voice. It was like he’s always by my side. I get so sensitive with him too. I love him. You'll get emotional when you loved a person unconditionally, most specially when he's not near you.
At last! I graduated with a bachelor’s degree. I send Xavier messages and photos, few days had passed but he never replied and this day’s turned to weeks, then for a month. I was hanged. I got lagged. I was so empty. I keep crying all night.
Kris took me and toured me in a newly opened mall, and she knew It that I wasn’t in the mood. After watching movie we find a seat in a coffee shop, seeing the horizon ahead throughout the huge glass window. Kris took my chin and caught my eyes then I fall down. My tears told her everything. Everything that I’m going through. We never even had a proper way to say goodbye. And this was hard because many thought entered. What if he got married there? He got back with Lima? and worst forget me as easy as that because we've never seen each other.
After an hour, Kris and I go home. The jeepney where we ride in stopped on Kris’s canto street so I waved him goodbye. Before we reach the terminal where I should stop by, I asked the driver to stop and I get off the jeepney and started walking in the street. Walking and look at the night sky. Searching for that star once I tried to get. Breathing deep as I am trying to halt my tears from falling again. I paused from walking and covered my mouth again and slapped my cheeks to wake myself that we ended up. That I must leave in reality.
“Hey!” someone said that at my back but I refused to turn to look at it. Until, I feel that the voice is trying to reach me.
“Nirvana!” I stopped and turn my back then I saw my prince. My handsome prince. It was Xavier.
“You think, I've forgotten you? You think I’ve abandoned you? You think I left you as easy as that? Honey you have no idea how painful it is to spend the rest of the day without her, Nirvana.” I didn’t say a word as he was trying to hide my hair behind my ears, my hair covers my face.
“See you still wore the ring…Honey, you’re speechless again and though you love saying nothing but YES it already means a lot to me! Honey, I want you to know that I didn’t leave you! I processed everything I could...so if you go there, everything was organized. I bought a share from the Ice Cream Company there. I bought a house where we could possibly raise our family. Honey, I know you’ll say yes but I wanted to hear it one more time…” I looked straight to his eyes as he kneels down and pulled out a diamond ring.
“Honey, Nirvana Gypsy, will you marry me? Please say yes? The Philippines is watching…” I cried because of disbelief he took my cold hands and kissed it. I closed my arms around his neck as he stood and keep crying as I loudly yelled…”YES!”
We where both very happy. We both beat the distance and the obstacles; I hope we could still defeat the next challenge. From now on, I’ll never get homesick…because I’m home.
I love him. I love him upto infinity.