AND I LIVED …
I couldn’t control myself and shouted at her, “Will you tell me what happened to her?”Please I want to know. She started crying and told me everything. I was dumbstruck how easily my life was taken away from me…..
Once in a lifetime someone breaks your heart and if you still feel to hold that person with every broken piece... that amazing feeling is called LOVE. My heart was also broken, though just once, but still she came back and helped me in gathering the pieces of my heart. She too loved me. Love- if you have it you don’t need anything else and if you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter much what else you have.
Life has been very dull and useless since the day she’s left me. I miss her! I miss our talks, our fights, and our love for each other…those hugs...her smile n the TOGETHERNESS… I am Kavish, MBA from IIM Lucknow and presently working at Infosys.
My parents invited Mr. and Mrs. Khanna, our new neighbors, for a dinner party. Mrs. Khanna introduced me to Pallavi, their daughter, a student of ninth standard of my school. She seemed to be a very polite person, just roaming around holding that special smile of her. I felt something strange in my heart...Probably something different. That sight of her gave me butterflies in my stomach.
Next day in school she met me at the corridor during lunch time. She came up to me and said, “Hey, I was just wondering if you could help me in mathematics”. Being a senior makes it your plus point but being an intelligent senior makes it more worthy.
“Sure we can catch up after our school gets over; I would love to help you”.
“Thank you, I’ll be waiting in the evening.”
The meetings for the required purpose soon turned us into best buddies , though for me she was now the girl of my dreams…the special someone I wanted forever !!
Beginnings are usually happy and endings are usually sad but its everything in between that makes it all worth living… as time flew, we started hanging out sharing our talks, things which we loved and which we hated were all known. There was no space for secrets in between us.
Eventually my school life was over and soon I took admission in BBA in Delhi College of arts and commerce. I wish I could take along Pallavi with me but it wasn’t possible. No sooner the day arrived and I left for Delhi .though we were far away but distance couldn’t ever affect our friendship. A year passed and soon Pallavi too came to Delhi...by luck we were in the same college. I had always wanted that coz I always loved her. But I didn’t know a bad time was round the corner. She happened to meet new people after joining college and made new friends. These friends came under the category of *spoiled delhites*. Life for them included drinking, smoking and clubbing out every night. I didn’t know much about them … other than some specific things told by Pallavi... She was slowly going away from me. Pallavi had always been the kind of a person who could never be forced to start or stop anything. She had always lived her life on her own terms. Soon she too was influenced. It started with clubbing and smoking and drinking came her way. I wasn’t aware of all this because she very well knew that I hated smokers extremely.
Things became clear when I got a pack of cigarettes from her bag and on seeing me holding that box, she started making excuses that some other person might have left it in her bag but I knew she was Lying. I knew her that well that even if she thought of lying to me she could never do so. I left for my pg and didn’t pick any calls from her. Finally at night when I couldn’t control my anger I called her up. I said lot of things but she was not ready to listen. Finally I ended up crying and begging her to leave all this. She said even she wants to leave but cant because she had got addicted to it. But she promised that she’ll try to reduce the number of cigarettes she had per day. I believed her… I thought that if she is promising to me... That promise will never be broken. I was wrong…
The final semester of MBA came and still I couldn’t gather my courage to propose her. But now I badly wanted her. I could not imagine her with anyone else. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted to tell her that she is only mine. I wanted to hold her tight, whenever she was sad. I wanted to play with her hair, pick her up, wrestle with her, talk to her, and look deep into her eyes and smile. I wanted to hold her hand, let her fall asleep in my arms, sing to her no matter how awful I do. I wanted to tell her and I meant it. I was truly, madly, deeply in love with this angel of my life.
.As I waited in my car in front of her house, she came out wearing a black knee length dress looking stunningly beautiful. I just couldn’t take my eyes off her.
I still remember the time we first talked. You were wearing a pink dress, your hair all messed up from all the studying, your smile as elegant as ever. I never knew you'd be my better half when I said Hello to you, I never knew you would be the girl who could make me change my life and become my biggest support without whom I would be worthless. We became good friends, not knowing what the future meant for us, studying together every day as our feelings grew fonder. I can never forget the way you smiled at me the first day, my love, I will always cherish your smile :). I love you and at this moment if you ask me how much I love you, trust me sweetheart; infinite will be a very small word. Marry me J J J “
As she completed the letter she saw me bending on my knees holding the ring in my hand. She was smiling … tears were trickling down her cheeks and just said “obviously I’ll marry you dumbo. Why did you take so many years to say this?” I couldn’t believe my ears and just got up and hugged her. Everyone around started clapping but we were too lost to hear those claps. I loved her more at that moment. She was mine… she was going to be my wife. Everything was just so perfect. Our families also agreed and she was soon officially engaged to me. Planning for marriage also started.
From best friends we were suddenly together. Love gives us thousands reason to smile, thousand sweet memories and your mind can’t think of anything else other than about that one special person.
“I am complete in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches in your eyes…
The resolution of all the fruitless searches in your eyes.
I see the light and the heat in your eyes.
Oh! I want to be that complete.
I want to touch the light, the heat
I see in your eyes.”
When I proposed her and dropped her at her place, she messaged me,” when I am older and my daughter asks who my first and last love was, I don’t want to pull out the old photo album. I want me to be able to point out you across the room and say,” he’s sitting right over there.”
The marriage preparation was over and tomorrow is going to be our wedding night. I called her up and she was so happy and excited. She wants to look her best and her mother’s has asked her to take some beauty sleep. We both want that tomorrow comes and leaves a deep imprint in our hearts. We want to have the best marriage, best love marriage. Priyanka came in her room and she said she’ll call me after some time.
I am waiting for her to call me. What is taking so long? Holding the phone in my hand I didn’t even knew when I slept. My sleep was broken as the phone rang. It was priyanka’s number. As I picked d call, I didn’t hear Pallavi speaking. It was Priyanka and she was crying and saying something which I couldn’t understand. She asked me to come over her place. Something was wrong and I could feel that.
As I reached her place, everyone had a white face. I was frightened. I rushed to her room ignoring everyone present in the room. There were many people in the room and as I made my way through them I saw Priyanka. I went to her and asked what has happened. Where is Pallavi? She didn’t answer; she kept looking at me and fainted. Some people took her to the other room. As I moved forward towards the bathroom I saw a pool of blood and in between that pool my Pallavi was lying. Her eyes were closed and as I went ahead to pick her up, a cigarette fell down her hand. I was shocked.
I laid her on the bed and tried to wake her up but couldn’t and immediately rushed to the hospital. As the doctors were examining her I went to see how Priyanka was. She was fine by now. I asked her what had happened. She seemed to be lost in some other world. Finally I couldn’t control myself I shouted at her, “what happened, tell me… why is she in such a condition?”
She started telling,” when you were both talking I came up to meet her. She was very excited and we thought of trying her wedding dress. When she came out wearing the dress, she was looking so beautiful, so perfect a bride can be. Suddenly in her excitement she said she will show me some pictures of both of you together. As she opened her drawer she found a pack of cigarettes. You know Kavish when you had proposed her she had decided that she would never smoke again. She had quit this habit. Leaving smoking suddenly leaves you with some physical problems but she didn’t touched even one cigarette. But the smoke of the cigarette had done its work earlier only. Her lungs had got very weak. Today when she saw the pack, she couldn’t control herself and even I didn’t stop her. As she took the smoke inside her first time she started coughing and breathing heavily but she thought that it was just because she was smoking after such a long time she continued and suddenly cough got increased so much that she rushed towards the bathroom. Blood started coming out of her mouth and she fell down unconscious. I didn’t know what to do. I dialed your number and everyone in the house also came in the room.” I am the reason for whatever she is undergoing. Wish I could rewind back the time and stop her. I am sorry.
As I was listening to what happened I heard a cry. I rushed towards the ICU and there I saw her mother crying. She was no more. She had left me. I couldn’t feel anything. And when I woke up I knew I had lost everything. I had lost my love, the reason of my existence. There was no lifelong togetherness. She had gone very far from me.
I was sent to the trauma center. World moved on but I was at the same place... Still in her love n will always be. A single cigarette took my darling away from me. The cigarette burned itself and my Pallavi too.