A faint glow from a small lamp in an otherwise dark and dismal room reached out as to give small comfort to a lonely figure in a rocking chair. To and fro…to and fro. Music floated through the air from the tape deck ever so softly and sweetly and still the chair rocked to and fro, to and fro.

Jenna borovic: head slumped: listened for what she knew was the last time. How many times had she wanted this moment 20-30? Did it matter? It would be soon very soon thank god. Her breath inaudible, her strength draining quickly, if her face could be seen a slight smile would be evident soon Stefan…..soon.

A photograph absorbed the light and compelled her, begged her to take one last look. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she forced a look. Jenna borovic: prima donna: the lady of ballet was held aloft by……. She could not bare to look, she dragged her eyes away. “No more please ,oh god, take me, let me be once more with Stefan. I can not bare it anymore.”

Still the photograph compelled her. She looked upon once more.

Stefan polovski: friend, partner, lover and finally husband, returned her stare. She saw in his eyes in the way he held her all the love all the secrets they had shared. The inscription on the photograph read :

Her gentle sobs could be heard between each chord and beat of the soft music and her hands shook uncontrollably.

“None could have foreseen it would be our last dance together. Oh Stefan. God how can you be so good one minute bringing us together then so cruel to separate us. We who harmed no one: we who did no wrong: we who only needed and wanted each other. Oh god how I hate you.”

“The mist is closing in now Stefan. Soon my love. Soon we will be together forever.”

 

The light from the lamp flickered like a star as if commanding attention from all other thoughts and memories. Then it grew brighter and brighter. She began to see images within the light of people and places she once knew. She saw herself as a child 6 years old or was it 7? Dancing always dancing, friends or so called friends mocking her, calling her names, fool and misfit and abnormal, oh how it hurt, but what did they know, they who had never experienced a timeless world where only joy and happiness and a freedom of spirit mattered and of course love. These were the things dancing gave that those immature mindless fools would never share. How funny that even now she could not hate them but only pity them.

She saw the cabin she had lived and grown up in, her mama sweeping the dust from the cabin floor a small strong women with grey hair, her face set in what people regarded as stern and hard looking, but jenna knew was moulded unresisted by the long years of hardship and self sacrifice and jennas heart ached at the sight. Her papa appeared now toiling in the fields caring for the land in such a way as if it could be coaxed into giving up its bounty that would mean life for another month or so. So delicately and gently he hoed the earth , this once big fine man, her one time protector and wall of safety. The tears streamed down as she looked upon his face and saw the exact same look of defeat as on her mothers face a look she knew came from sadness more than anything else. “Oh mama, papa I miss you so, she reached out to touch them and the mist returned. No!! do not go mama, papa I love you.”

 

To and fro…..to and fro, the music changed and with the change came more images. She saw herself older now perhaps 30 but she still had the slim figure and long slender legs and of course a high neckline which her papa had once told her was the mark of a true ballerina, her skin was soft and white and without fault her full lips, high cheek bones and brown eyes gave her a beauty other women could only dream of , her dark hair was as it always was, tied up and held with a jewelled slide which her mama had given for her eighteenth birthday (more self sacrifices). “ It was a beautiful gift mama.”

Jenna raised her hand to her head and felt the very same slide she still wore. The tears came flooding back with more force than ever.

The images rolled on as if some unseen spirit had filmed her life and was now playing it all back to torment her punish her for who she was. Jenna clenched her fists and silently screamed. Damn you god!! “yes I was selfish, unknowingly at the time, yes I took all my mama and papa gave without giving in return, but I loved to dance and I knew I could be great one day and make them so very proud of me. How was I to know the sacrifices they made, going without so I could be tutored by the best to be the best. Do not persecute me god for my selfishness, I believed in you with all my heart, even when you came for my beloved parents, my sad and hungry ordinary parents, yes , maybe I was to blame for their years of destitution but I knew you would take care of them, oh! How I believed in you then, next came Stefan , I did not deserve that, we were so happy. Damn you god, do not keep on tormenting me, take me now and let me be with them. Please god please.”

 

The ghosts would not go, they laughed and chatted within the light before her.

 

Then this sad and lonely dying women seemed to acquire a strength when she recognised a scene playing out in front of her.