I remember it was freezing outside.
The coldest day of the year so far.
Regan was walking by my side, talking, shivering.
She was telling me about her day.
My mind was somewhere else.
All i could really think about was not waking up.
That day was marked the first day of the coldest winter.
Regan grabbed my hand and we crossed the street,her apartment was just waiting there.
I remember everything was seemed to be black and white that winter, no color.
Nothing bright and lively anymore.
She invited me up.
"My mom is working late tonight," she told me.
I shrugged; no matter how i was feeling, i wasn't going to weigh Regan down too.
That smile was just too gorgeous for me to watch it fade.
She grinned, and we walked upstairs.
The elevator was always broken, and when the "out of order" sign was off, no one tested it.
She unlocked the deadbolts and opened the door.
Shoes and socks left by the door,
coats on the sofa.
Inhibitions left outside.
Soon we were in her bed.
I felt her heart beating i was so deep.
In her thoughts.
Fucking her so hard,her nails dug into my skin.
"Don't stop Tony, ahh!," she told me.
The last thing on my mind was stopping.
All i could think about was
what was happening in my life.
Taking all of my stress out on Regan's frail body.
Her tight little pretty pussy.
She was cumming
letting me know her pussy was mine.
As she shook and twisted, eyes rolling back under my weight.
God, she was beautiful.
One day she could be my wife, i thought.
If I'd ever allow myself to live that long.
Soon I was following Regan's lead.
Bending down to kiss her as i pulled out to cum.
She put her hands on my face,kissing me back.
I rolled off of her and laid beside her.
She turned to face me.
She said my name so softly.
She swallowed and i can tell she was nervous.
"You know i love you,right?" she asked looking down and then up into my eyes.
"Yeah," i told her.
She bit her bottom lip, i knew there was something else.
My heart stopped.
I felt like i had died for a full 60 seconds.
She was waiting for me to respond.
What could a dead man say?
Finally i caught my breath.
"Are you sure?" i asked.
She pulled the covers around her head,hiding from me.
"Regan," i sighed.
She was crying.
"Regan,I'm not mad at you or anything."
She peeked out of the covers a little to study my expression.
Tears slowly flowing from her big hazel eyes to her cheeks.
I faked a smile.
She came out from under the covers, sniffling.
"Come here," I told her, and she did.
Scooting over,until our bodies were touching again.
Her body was always so warm.
Mine was always so cold.
I wrapped my arms around her,kissing her.
She wrapped her small arms around my waist.
"I love you," I told her
"I love you more,Tony."
I watched her fall asleep in my arms.
She slept for aboutan hour.
I got up, got dressed.
Just as i went for the door,she woke up.
"Tony, where you goin'?"
She was still half asleep, she yawned and wiped her eyes slowly.
"I gotta go, but I'll call you tonight. Get some rest," I told her.
She got out of bed with the covers wrapped around her.
She reached up to kiss me. " I love you Tony, be careful."
I slipped out.
Grabbed my shit and dipped.
The air hit me hard, it was freezing that night in the city.
It could've been the coldest night of that year, hadn't it been for the night after it
I woke up to Regan's voice.
I must've been so tired, that I forgot I answered the phone.
She was telling me how scared she was.
I didn't know what to say.
All I could think about was
Beba was my everything.
I loved her more than anything.
I still do.
Beba and I got married the winter break of '10.
We were both 17.
Illegal and in love, we drove to Vegas and got married.
Being with her was the best 5 years of my life.
I still remember her kisses.
How she cuddled with me, when it was storming.
Those piercing in her nipples, her eyebrow, and her lip.
Beba was beyond beautiful,with the biggest heart and sweetest voice.
She was supposed to be mine forever.
She was supposed to have my child.
Our son was supposed to have been born last winter.
Only Beba killed herself before he had a chance at life.
I started my Freshmen year in college, suddenly I didn't have time for her.
I was so wrappped up in working, I didn't realize how much she
How much she truly needed me around.
Beba always told me i was her escape.
Because Beba hated to be alone, she was always so scared of being
But then I met Jenny.
Jenny was a good friend.
I knew she had a crush on me,but i didn't care.
I was in love with Beba.
I was Married to Beba.
I was about to have my first child with Beba.
Beba saw Jenny and i at a party and thought the worst.
Not to mention, Jenny and i were spending more and more time together.
Then one day, Jenny came to our apartment with me.
I hadn't heard from Beba In days.
I was worried.
Jenny wanted to help me "study."
I couldn't focus.
Soon jenny and I were having sex on the kitchen counter.
I'd lost control of myself.
I was ashamed.
It would hurt Beba.
But i had to tell her.
After Jenny and i came, I told her she had to leave.
I called Beba's mother, she picked up.
I could never forget the call.
Beba was so hurt.
She told me she hated me.
That I would never see my child.
How she wanted nothing to do with me.
I deserved this.
A few days later, her Mom called and told me Beba was dead.
She had commited suicide.