I would always publish confessions about my 'love' for him. He would always be the first and last thing I would think about every single day of my life since the day I met him. I didn't know what was wrong with me and I just couldn't shake off the crazy emotions I was feeling for him.
This summer, I prayed for a way to get this infatuation..no wait, obsession with him out of my head. I asked God for a way out, to free me from my prison of emotions. I entered Youth Summercamp with a heavy heart filled with regret, shame and guilt. Most of which were because of that one boy that I thought was worth it.
But then, everything changed. I remember clearly, there were two Caucasian guys and in between them was an Asian guy. They were from our Youth, so they weren't entirely strangers. Anyways, our leaders and a few of the girls left and left me alone with the three guys. I tried to ignore them but they just kept on laughing and chatting loudly behind me. It wasn't until after a while that I realised they were trying to guess my nationality. After suddenly hearing the Asian guy say 'hello' in Chinese, I turned and told them that I wasn't Chinese. Their reactions were very funny and they proceeded to guess what my nationality was. After guessing that I was Filipino, I asked the Asian guy what background he was. He returned the favour by asking me to guess, playing a game between us that I enjoyed participating in.
Needless to say, I made a good friend that day. During the rest of that week, he and I would always try to steal glances at one another during the sessions, without straying from God of course. It was like a game between us. To see who could get as close to each other as possible or who could look at the other the most times in one night. I remember tapping him on the shoulder, I was standing on the other side of him. When he realised it was me, I smiled and he returned it. I felt relieved that he didn't think I was completely weird as well as that our little acquaintanceship still stood.
I gave my life up to God and asked him to use me in my world. I had revelation of him and his love for me. I finally felt free and I couldn't be happier! I wasn't worried about what people thought of me or what I would think when I did something crazy. I finally trusted God enough to live my life.
On the last day of camp, I got his full name and had a long conversation with him. It was very refreshing and I got a good idea of what he was like. I was not disappointed. I tried to get on the same bus as he was on our way back home, but he got on too late and had to change buses. I felt so sad then and it made me realise my feelings for him. I became so happy, sad and scared all at once!
Scared, you say? Why would I be scared? Well let me tell you: it was too soon. At the beginning, I asked God to get rid of my infatuation with the other guy. That was less than two months ago. But now, this new guy comes along and proves to me that God answers prayers. He didn't just release me of my previous prison, he set me free with a man that will let me be me. I tried to conform to the ideal qualities of the 'before-boy' but I never got noticed. But after a phenomenal experience like Summercamp, I learnt to take life slowly and enjoy what I have already.
I entered that place with bags and bags of pain and misery,
I made a million and one new memories that will stay with me forever.
I met friends that are amazing to the bone.
I gained a new love for life and for God.
And all I had to do....
.....was take the next turn around the corner...