“You going to call her now?” Martin, sitting right across Michael asked as he stuffed a pancake into his mouth. Michael looked at him then dropped his gaze back to his plate.

‘After dinner!” He said slowly.

“Mate, you are going to keep postponing this forever? You know it’s the right thing to do, right?” 

He did. And that was the painful part. He had to do this, he needed to do this, for her sake and to some extent his own sake. Sue had been a good friend. She had been good company, always was she able to put smiles on the faces of the people around her. He had seen it coming, the crush she had on him. But he did nothing about it. Sometimes he blamed himself for it, asking himself why he didn’t stop it sooner. But it was way later that he blamed himself a little more each day. He had known there was going to be nothing between them, hell, she had known too. She had just decided to overlook that, living for the moment. He always hated it when he put her in the blame a lot. It was partly his fault too, and he knew it. He pushed back is chair and reached for the phone that was beside Martin’s plate. 

“Ok, let me do this!” He dialled and waited. A part of him hoped she wouldn’t answer, that would give him a reason to postpone making the call more. But that was stupid. She needed to hear it from him. The fourth ring, still no answer. He was just about to hang up when the cheery voice came on.

“Hello?” He was speechless for a while. Hearing her again, he hadn’t expected that to affect him at all. There was some faint music on the background. She must be having a good time, he thought. If she had already movd on, he didn’t have to tell her. The thought was quickly brushed aside when he saw the look on Martin’s face. He sighed.

“Hie, Sue?” He didn’t trust his voice. It sounded all strange even to him.

“Yes. Who is this?” She didn’t recognize his voice! He felt a tag in his heart and guilt washed over it just a fast. He wasn’t supposed to think like that. Not now. It had been long. People forget. After all, he didn’t think he would have recognized that voice himself. 

“Sue, it’s Michael,” A pause followed, and he flinched at the image of her forming in his head as he saw her crumbling and breaking down in pieces. He waited till he couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you still there?” 

“Yeah, Michael. Hie, how are you doing?” He heard the forceful cheer she had just put in her voice. He had no right to do this to her, he thought. “Is everything ok?” he heard the genuine concern in her voice and was touched. Of course she would think something was wrong, why else would he call her after all this time? He was just about to hurt her more and he was now pretty sure he didn’t want to do it over the phone. She deserved more than that. He heard himself asking if they could meet. He turned away from Martin’s angry facial expression as they discussed the details. He was glad she had said yes. For a moment he had been afraid that she would say no, so he had made it sound like it was not just going to be the two of them.He was sure that would make her feel more comfortable to come over. Finally he hunged up and after taking a deep breath turned to his friend.

“Are you nuts?” He just about screamed that out. “Meeting her is the worst idea ever, we talked about this Michael."

“I know! But I couldn’t do it, not like that.I have to see her, tell her to her face!” He said slowly as he walked towards the door. He needed to be alone. To think about tomorrow.

“We have a busy day tomorrow! You are engaged for Pete's sake! I am not going to….”

“I am meeting her alone Mart. This has nothing to do with Beca, and I know how I’ll work things out tomorrow. Things will be on schedule.” Silence followed that statement as he made his way to the door.

“Oh my God!” Martin exclaimed. Michael’s hand was already on the doorknob. He stopped and turned, “You have feelings for her!” Was that disgust he heard in his voice?

“Martin, she was my friend, the last time I checked, she was your friend too. There are things friends just don’t do to each other. I was hoping you of all people can understand that.” With that he opened the door and walked out into the dark night.

He had woken up way earlier than he had planned to. He couldn’t sleep. In the end he had managed to take care of pretty much everything that was in his list of things to do. He decided to go over to the hotel a bit earlier. Martin hadn’t been much help last night or that morning. He had clearly said he disapproved of the whole idea. But he had stuck to it. After all, he couldn’t just call her now and call the whole meeting off. He just hoped all would go well, though he was pretty sure it wouldn’t. He hoped she was seeing someone, or maybe had gotten over him. That would make everything a lot easier. He looked up and saw her walking in and head towards one of the other tables. He stood and just at that moment she saw him. She looked different. She looked all grown up and freaked out? He waved and smiled. His insides were all in turmoil but he hoped it didn’t show on his face. She started walking towards him and he felt a tag at his heart. This was not going to be easy, not just for her, but for both of them, and as if for the first time the realization hit him hard. As he hugged her when she reached the table he realized he had missed doing that, holding her close, and it hurt. 

He was glad when she started the small talk. He had to work extra hard to put on the face she was seeing. When she finally asks where the others are he knows he is in trouble.

“They had a couple of things to do, they will be joining us in a while.” He noted the unsettled look on her face. So she was playing along too, not that he hadn’t picked that up. 

“How long?” She asked trying to make her voice sound all normal though he heard the strain in it. She didn’t trust herself with him. And seeing how her eyes changed when he answered her question made him feel like the lowest scumbag having lied to her. He didn’t see her escape plan coming until she said it;

"Wow! I was really hoping I could see them. I may end up missing them," he knew what is was immediately she said it and for a minute, he panicked. He didn’t seem to hear her response to his question, and finally when he heard her question, he blurted it out.

“Yeah, I’m getting married!” He gave himself a kick then. After all the planning he had done of how to tell her, all the good ideas he had come up with, this is how he did it? He saw the change in her eyes again, and noticed the pause the glass made on the way to her mouth. He waited for it. He was expecting anything now, things were not going as he thought they would. But her response was what he didn’t expect either.

“Wow, Michael, that’s great. Congratulations!" He knew she would act strong all through the meeting even though there were chances she was not going to be. But he had expected the wedding news to make her visibly crumble. Maybe he was wrong. He was reading the whole thing wrong. Maybe, she really had moved on. The thought left a bitter sort of happiness in his heart. She didn’t ask who it was, or who the girl was, he noticed that. She did say she was happy for him, and he did see she was genuine about that. Was he the only one feeling the pain?

"Well, hope I didn't put you in too much trouble!" He finally drawled out.

"Nothing I can't handle!" She said with a grin."I’m really strong, remember?” He did. He used to tell her that a lot when she had been feeling she wasn’t strong enough. “Say hie to the others for me. Gotta run." And that’s pretty much what she did.

He stood where he was for a while , taking it all in. Then as if on impulse he followed her. Just on last glance, he thought. Just to make sure she was ok. It was probably a stupid thing to do, but he figured he was allowed at least one more stupid thing today.

He rounded the corner and couldn’t see her anymore. A sudden sense of panic sent a chill through his blood. He was just about to go back and see if he had missed her when he saw her from the glass window. He saw her take the first then the second swig, pay for it, then head his way. He quickly ducked behind a group of people passing by and waited till she was a resonable distance away. Then he followed her again, feeling sick in the stomach. He hadn’t imagined it all. She was hurting. Probably more than he had expected her too. He felt disappointed. The thought caught him offguard. Disappointed? She had been his friend, he had hoped she would share her pain more but she hadn’t. Instead she was hurting all by herself, because of him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He watched her as she waited to cross the road. He panicked as she turned, but he didn’t hide this time. She held his gaze for a while and for a minute he expected her to run back into his arms and beg him not to get married. He panicked at his thoughts. He actually hoped she would do that. He saw her tears then, and felt his own buiding up. They neded a better goodbye. They did. He started towards her but she stopped him with her hand, wiped a tear off and waved. Slowly he lifted his hand and waved back.

“Goodbye Sue,” he whispered, “Hope you find happiness.” He wished she had heard those words from him. It would have made him feel a lot better. But it was too late. They may not have said it, but this was a final goodbye, they were not going to see each other again, and it was going to be a double effort. 

He watched her as she walked away, as she got into the bus. He noted it was not a bus going to her place of work. She didn’t look back, not even once. As the bus pulled away, he watched it till it disappeared from his sight. He wondered if he should have handled it all differently, if there was anything he could have done differently to make her hurt less. And then he realized, there was just one thing he could do. He had to let her go too. 

His phone rang then. It was Martin.

“Hey man, you ok?” There was genuine concern in his voice.

“Yeah, am good," he said with a strained voice, "Am coming home.” And with that he turned and walked towards the buses heading to his place.