Verse I
In the House ov Cards, Governor Champagne holds up a copy of Hollow Point's newspaper,
THE END TIMES
It has a picture of a student riot on the front cover and a headline that reads,
WRECKERS OV CIVILIZATION
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
Since the financial collapse due to the monetary policies of the House ov Cards the Memory Bank has gone bankrupt and the citizens of Hollow Point have begun to burn their money in the streets.
Governor Champagne lays down the newspaper.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
The war that we have raged in the Valley of the Damned for the last decade has cost us more lives and treasure than any of us could have possibly imagined and for what?
Governor Champagne looks around the House ov Cards.
The members of the Checkmate Club are seated on the left.
The members of the Brimstone Society are seated on the right.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
Does anyone even remember?
All the members of the House ov Cards rustle in their seats.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
I'll take care in reminding you.
Governor Champagne looks at his notes on the podium.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
The Skull Flowers from which Star Dust is made is cultivated by the inhabitants of the Valley, the Toubabo Koomi, who were labeled terrorists by this very body in order to give the Armada a reason to invade that accursed country in the hopes that it would make the importation and trafficking of its resin nearly impossible...
Destiny, the Princess ov tha Parish is obviously troubled by Governor Champagne's remarks.
She is seated in middle of the House ov Cards between the Checkmate Club and the Brimstone Society and is guarded by the members of the Order ov tha Trapezoid.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
The synthetics sold by Controlled Substances Inc. were supposed to decrease their demand amongst the addicted, but they did not...
Governor Champagne adjusts his posture.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
Instead what we have been stricken with is a city where the streets are flooded with more Star Dust today than at any time in our recorded history and a Valley filled with Killing Fields in which the cultivation of Skull Flowers is more lucrative than any job an honest man or woman could possibly hope to hold...
Governor Champagne looks at Judge Xavier Thorn of the Brimstone Society.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
To make matters even worse, since the Brimstone Society has become the majority party of this great body, the people have had their gold confiscated, their food rationed, and now Judge Thorn proposes that we allow the Armada to set up a police state, under the supervision of General Grindcore of all people, to patrol the streets of Hollow Point right along side the Officers ov tha Occult Bureau to put to rest a growing uprising provoked by their very own draconian austerity measures...
Xavier is obviously discontented.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
What's next? The revocation of their basic rights and privileges as human beings or are there any left for the Brimstone Society to take!?!
Xavier rises from his seat.
XAVIER
The people overwhelmingly voted for us in the last election or do I have to remind you of that my dear, Governor.
The Brimstone Society rally's behind him like a bunch of school yard bullies.
XAVIER
They knew our platform.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
An election tainted with allegations of fraud I might add.
XAVIER
You're beginning to sound like a dissident Champagne.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
There should be no doubt about my patriotism here!
Governor Champagne begins to lose it.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
Have those duly congregated here forgotten that human progress is our cause, that the liberty of thought our supreme wish, that the freedom of consciousness is our mission, and that the guarantee of equal rights to all of our citizens everywhere should always be our ultimate goal!?!
XAVIER
Must, I remind this body that when the Checkmate Club was the majority party of these sacred halls we couldn't even get an up or down vote on the type of pencils the schools should use much less a balanced budget.
Xavier sarcastically waves off Governor Champagne.
XAVIER
If anything we should be thanking Controlled Substances Inc. for what they have done for this fair city.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
A company you have a vested interest in I might add.
XAVIER
Gentleman, my involvement with Controlled Substances Inc. is perfectly legal and well within the guidelines established by the House ov Cards.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
Of course.
Destiny rises.
DESTINY
Perhaps these matters would be better discussed another day.
There is a Fais do-do underway and I'm sure it would please our people to see us in good cheer.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
It was not my intention to ruin the festive atmosphere of our fair city this day.
XAVIER
Nor, was it mine.
Destiny sits back down.
DESTINY
Laissez les bons temps rouler and allow yourselves to put your differences to rest for today for there is much to celebrate.
Our troops have returned home and the war that has plagued us for so long is finally over.
Verse II
In Apartment 147 of the Ivory Towers Alexis sits at her Keepsake Vanity.
She is admiring the butterfly tattoo on her neck.
808 (pronounced, Eight Oh Eight), a small robot is nested up on a Coach Potato Beanbag playing a game of Robot Football 2099 on a large Eyegasmatron TV surrounded by several Cinematronik Speakers.
EYEGASMATRON TV
Score!!!
Alexis stands up and puts on her Black Teddy Bear Backpack.
She looks at her watch, the XOXO,(pronounced Zoh-Zoh) to see what time it is and begins to walk towards the door to the apartment.
808 pulls a Eavesdropper Headset out of his ear.
ALEXIS
Don't forget your Grimoire.
808 jumps up off the floor like a child ready to go play outside.
He snatches up his Balla'z Backpack and powers down the Eyegasmatron with his Grimoire, a cool tablet looking device as a Maestro OS logo appears on screen.
808 runs out the door behind Alexis with a heart shaped key chain dangling in her hand.
They exit the apartment and enter the elevator together.
Through the glass doors of the elevator they can see the Riverboat Hallelujah floating along Fiddlers Creek towards the Crystal Ball Resort and Casino.
The elevator door to the parking garage opens.
ALEXIS
D'jew bring some music?
808 nod's his head and runs towards Alexis jet black sports car, the Shadow Runner.
As the two of them enter the Shadow Runner 808 clicks the ESP button on his Grimoire.
It syncs to the touch screen Grimoire-Mobile in the dash.
It is tuned to Hot2Trot.fm
Alexis grips the steering wheel like she is was about to play a video game.
She stomps the power pedal to the floor sending them racing out of the parking garage.
Pimping screens behind tint, the Shadow Runner races through Hollow Point swinging lane to lane along the Super Highway.
808 bobs his head back and forth as the speakers thump.
Alexis passes underneath a street sign labeled Crystal Ball that exits the Super Highway.
A huge ship the Star Gazer patrols the sky above the Crystal Ball.
The Ferris Wheel at the Laissez Fair comes in to view.
Some fireworks begin exploding overhead.
Alexis pulls the Shadow Runner into the valet of the Crystal Ball.
Officer Whistle Britches who is directing traffic recognizes Alexis as she steps out of the Shadow Runner.
OFFICER WHISTLE BRITCHES
Well, aren't you the belle of the ball?
Alexis strikes a pose.
ALEXIS
Thank you, Officer Whistle Britches.
I see you're as handsome as ever.
Alexis pinches Officer Whistle Britches on the cheek.
ALEXIS (CONT'D)
Y', if I didn't have 808 here with me I do believe I'd be tempted enough to make you my beaux.
Officer Whistle Britches begins to blush.
OFFICER WHISTLE BRITCHES
Well I do what I can...
Whistle Britches spots a limousine chauffeured by Special Agent Scarzensky.
OFFICER WHISTLE BRITCHES
Excuse me.
Officer Whistle Britches tries to quickly make his way to the limousine.
Alexis and 808 continue to make their way inside the Crystal Ball.
A slight wind gust blows up Alexis's dress revealing a pair of thong panties.
The million camera's of the Glitterati flash in unison blinding Officer Whistle Britches as he approaches the limousine.
Xavier swings open its door from the inside.
Officer Whistle Britches is knocked flat on his back.
OFFICER WHISTLE BRITCHES
Uuuuggghhh!
Special Agent Scarzensky steps out of the driver's side door of the limousine and begins to kick Officer Whistle Britches in the ass.
Xavier steps out, he is accompanied by several barely dressed women.
Officer Whistle Britches struggles to scramble away on all four's.
Xavier looks down at Officer Whistle Britches in disgust.
XAVIER
Get out of the way you twit!
Verse III
Governor Champagne, the Duchess Warburg, and the Marquis Van Gogh are all conversing in their Skybox as they await the beginning of the evenings fashion show.
Alexis and 808 enter.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
Where did you get that outfit!?!
Alexis stands on her tippy toes and gives the Governor a kiss on the cheek.
ALEXIS
Father, you're embarrassing me!
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
I don't know how, you're already practically naked.
MARQUIS VAN GOGH
I think she looks exquisite.
Governor Champagne motions to the girls participating in the Lil' Miss Text Message Beauty Pageant.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
And, you'd probably snatch the diapers off a baby girl if given half the chance.
The Duchess Warburg slaps Governor Champagne upside the head with the evenings scheduled program of events.
DUCHESS WARBURG
She's a grown woman you ole' coot! Let her have some fun!
The Duchess Warbug smiles and bows her head at Alexis.
DUCHESS WARBURG
You look lovely my dear.
ALEXIS
Thank you.
DUCHESS WARBURG
Might I inquire to whom you're wearing?
ALEXIS
It's part of the Lonely Souls Collection.
DUCHESS WARBURG
Tu me dis pas!
ALEXIS
I look forward to seeing their new line unveiled this evening.
DUCHESS WARBURG
As do I.
Governor Champagne rubs his head.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
And, who is this?
ALEXIS
This is 808. He's the project I've been working on with Professor Proxy.
808 throw up the Sign ov tha Horns.
GOVERNOR CHAMPAGNE
Well, it's good to see he's doing something worthwhile with the endowment he was awarded.
Jeeves shows Alexis and 808 to their seats.
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