It was a beautiful July morning. The weather was perfect. It was sunny but not too hot, the sunlight was bright yet not too glaring. Large trees and plants surrounded the large garden, forming large patches of shade. The flowers were all in full bloom, trying to get people to look and smell them, not realising that the humans will pick them after they do. Pick them and savour them for a little longer. Until the flower finally wilts and dies. Then the humans will just throw them away. They didn’t know that their beauty prompted and preceded their own deaths. They didn’t know that their beauty would be the very cause for their deaths. How could they have even suspected the cruelty of the humans?
The family in the expanse garden was undoubtedly having immense fun. The young couple and their young daughter, enjoying their time playing in the summer sun. The sprinklers were on, raining crystal droplets between the people. A fine spray of mist that did nothing to hinder the family from spending their time together. They were playing catch and it was the man of the family’s turn to be it. A red patch of cloth had been folded and tied around his eyes. Even though the young child’s laughter was more than sufficient to tell him exactly where she was while she ran around the garden, her father feigned obliviousness and went the other way. The long and lean young woman was trying to follow her daughter, not knowing what else to do. What do you do when you are playing a game with two other people and they were both ignorant of you? That was what the woman thought, at least. It was as if the game only including her husband and their daughter; not including her. But that didn’t stop anything. They all enjoyed themselves either way. Maybe next time they could simply play another game. A game that would capture wholly the attention of the father towards both the females in his family and not unknowingly leave someone out.
Only a few minutes later, they found just the perfect game to play. They changed from catch to hide-and-seek. The young girl was facing the trunk of an oak, her small hands covering her eyes and most of her face, her wavy, wheat blond hair glistening from the mist made by the sprinklers. Her giggles filled the silence between the numbers from one to thirty of which she was counting. In those thirty seconds or more it took their daughter to count down, her parents scrambled around the garden, looking for a decent place to hide. The garden was so big, they didn’t want to hide too far away, lest their six-year-old daughter could not find them. Even though the exact aim of the game was to not be found. Even if the person looking for them was their little girl. But what kind of parents would they be if they let their daughter wander around, feverishly searching for them, yet to no avail? But did it matter, as long as they were having fun…?
It was a dream, of course. What else could it have been? But it wasn’t a pleasant dream, though most people would deem it as such. No, it was a ghastly nightmare. One that scares and haunts me more than any other. It was something that frightens me more than vampires or monsters or zombies ever could. But how could a calming, heart-warming dream like that be anything but? Of course, most people won’t know the whole story. The dream is scary because it was the beginning of everything that went wrong with my life. The catalyst to all of my problems. The very reason that I am here right at this moment. I feel awful to have caused all that happened all those years ago. But it wasn’t of my control, was it? Technically, it is not my fault. But in the same way, it could have been my own fault that my family was destroyed. Who knows? This incorporates too many questions for me to wrap my head around right now. I have been trying to iron out all the rights and wrongs of what happened for ten years now. And if I couldn’t do it then, surely I can’t do it now. But maybe one day I’ll be able to sort it all out. When I am older, maybe.
I am more of a morning person than most others but no one can think of these things straight after waking up from a nightmare. Especially when it causes so much emotional pain at the same time.
So what was so fearful that it made a seemingly sweet and pleasant dream into monstrous nightmare that could eat up the person who has it? Perfect and seamless as it may have seemed, the dream didn’t have a happy ending. Not at all. It was hardly a fairy tale, after all. And even fairy tales don’t always have ‘happily ever after’s, let alone real life.
Because when the father started coughing everything turned sour almost right away. The family’s day of happiness, of light and pleasantry turned into a scar of pain and misery in just a matter of seconds. Everything had changed in those few moments. The child did not fully understand what was truly going on. How could she? She was only a child, ignorant and innocent. But not for long. Things were about to change drastically for these three people. That small bout of coughing was going to launch that family into a chain of events that always ends the same. The chain that included, yet was not limited to death, pain, and hurt. And the cause of all that? The daughter, the small child. A murderer.
But now that small, six-year-old girl had grown up. She is big and a lot smarter now. She knows everything she can to fully understand the conditions of that day and the days that had come for her. That little girl was me. But I can never relate to that young, happy girl that was always smiling or laughing. Not anymore. She is as different from me as day is from night, the sky from the earth. Make no mistake, she looks like me and sounds like me, but everything inside has changed. Not only have I grown up; I have learned everything there is to know about this cruel and heartless world. I have learned the rules of a game that I can never possibly win. But why stop hoping? Just because you may never win? It was a pessimistic view but one that was more humane in the long run. Truthfully, if I open my eyes and my mind to it, there is a chance for me. And not a very slim chance either. But the thing is, the only way for me to try and survive this nuthouse is to eliminate some of the other players in this game of life.
Too cruel for you? Well, I never said it was going to be pleasant.