She watches the rain hit the concrete with blundering force, she can’t remember the last time it rained this hard. The old concrete looks older when wet and the orange street lights only adds to its aging appearance, the decrepit wood buildings look soggy in the damp and the atmosphere is dark and unsure…just the way she likes it. Although she is very much into pretty things, this vision is rare, and it’s the rare moments that give her that warm fuzzy feeling. She sits on the porch of her bar covered by old wooden slats, rain seeps through the cracks and she reaches her hand out for the water to fall into.

“You and your rain.” Says the voice sitting beside her. She smiles and looks at his face while still holding out her hand, “It’s a lovely rain” she says. The droplets bounce off her fingers as she twirls them in the small waterfall, she looks away from her friend and stares into the hypnotizing down pour. “Will you miss the rain?” She asks, “I’m sure this isn’t the last time I will see rain Rachyl.” He knows she’s going to make this dramatic, he can feel her aura of sadness and pity permeating on the porch.

“I meant in No Haven. Are you going to miss the rain in No Haven?”

“Which is exactly why you should miss it, this is a rare sight it is.”

Rachyl exhales a big sigh, she grabs her long black hair with its thick curls and throws them over her shoulders, bringing her knees to her chest she holds them and stares at the rain. Her companion starts to laugh at her, she’s milking this whole scenario, she’s making this sadder than it has to be. “Don’t laugh at me!” She scornfully scowls. “I’m sorry, but you’re acting weird.” Rachyl knows she’s acting weird, she’s uneasy and doesn’t know how to act in this particular moment.

Rachyl thinks for a moment, not able to think of anybody on the spot. “I don’t know!...People!” She unconfidently proclaims.

“You can’t think of anybody!!” She bites back as if she had just told him the worst insult ever. “Was that suppose to be offending?” She stays quiet and twirls her lips up to the left side of her face. “How are you so calm about this? Are you not sad in the least? You’re leaving, you’re going away! I don’t even know when you’re coming back, if you ever are! And you’re acting as if this is just us hanging out like we do everyday. Do you care?” She let’s her verbal vomit pour all over the both of them, she’s been annoyed at Donovan since the date of his departure has been getting nearer, he’s been acting like he’s not leaving at all. “Of course I care Rachyl, and yes I am extremely sad. But if I wallow in sadness then I’ll have regrets and I won’t want to leave.”

“Rachyl…I have to do this, you know I do. I rather be optimistic for my future, then linger in the present with you sad sacs.”

Rachyl knows he has to go, it’s been his goal for quite some time now. She’s actually quite happy for him but can’t help but express her sadness. She’s the one who told him he should go, although she kicks herself for helping out a friend who needed some soul searching advice. “I know you have to go I’m just being a pain in the ass.”

“Well you’re very talented at that.” Rachyl peers at Donovan with her warm yet icy blue eyes, he stares back and thinks they’re about to share a nice quiet moment in the rain. “I know I told you to follow your dreams and all that bullcrap…but I can’t help but make sure that this is the right decision. Do you really believe in all this religious cra—jargon!” Rachyl looks away from him to avoid a disapproving religious stare down. “It’s not about religion Rachyl, it’s about faith and having faith.”

“Why did you have to be a holy man? No one is religious anymore. Sorry, no one has faith anymore. It went away with daylight. I don’t want to belittle you, but traveling the continent to spread the word of peace? You’d be lucky if five people listened to you.”

“And I’d be satisfied.” He tells her with reassurance, Donovan has no doubts about his mission, he believes in himself and is sure that he can make a difference in the world.

“I just don’t get it, a ‘Pilgrimage of Peace’? How are you going to have peace talks with one of ‘those things?’”

Rachyl rolls her eyes at the very word. Of course the religious ones call them demons. “Yes, the whatever.”

“It’s not about making peace with the Demons. It’s about giving people faith, and hope that there is a better future for this world. To detract them from the nay-sayers, the Rachyl Grivance’s of the world.” Rachyl laughs at the fact that her best friend is going to preach to the ones who seek preaching and give them guidance to avoid people like her. “You know, if I wanted anyone in this world to have hope for a better future…it’d be expected mothers such as yourself.” Donovan cuts her deep with this subject, they’ve quarreled over it a few times before and it never ends well. Rachyl whips her head in his direction, her icy eyes have lost the warmness and the girl looks cut throat. Countless times they have argued over Rachyl’s beliefs and how Donovan suggested she live her life with her future child. She thought Donovan would have learned his lesson by now after the yelling and black eyes he consumed from an irate Rachyl. “Why did you say that? Are you trying to piss me off?” Donovan quickly puts her at ease. He should have kept his mouth shut. He shouldn’t have pressed this matter with her, he can’t change her although he never ceases to stop trying, Rachyl is far too stubborn to be told what to do. “I’m sorry. I just thought maybe you’d change in the heat of the moment.”

“Rachyl I’m sorry, I don’t want to piss you off, not before I leave. Forget it.”

With the mood now ruined, they sit in silence and Donovan feels the need to pull Rachyl’s theoretical fist from his gut. Before he says anymore, he just watches her and guilt consumes him. She’s upset and hurt…not just by what he said, but leaving her like this. Saying anything else about this situation will just make her irritable, so he approaches his emotionally wounded friend on a different conversational route.

“How is the baby anyway?” Rachyl looks at him from the corner of her eye, she knows what he’s doing, but she’s not going to be fussy. There’d be no point.

“The baby’s fine.” She says. “And how is Barry with the whole thing?” he calmly asks. “Ugh, do not even get me started!” Rachyl throws her arms in the air and pulls at her hair. Bingo, Donovan found the topic to detract from the negative energy that was forming between the two.

“He’s just so…annoying. I don’t know if it’s hormones or what, but every damn thing he does I just want to hurt him. Hurt him badly. I want him to wince in pain and scream like a bitch. I would give anything to just kick him in the face.” Not the reaction Donovan was expecting, but he’ll go with it. “Like what?” he asks. “He’s now on this whole baby naming thing. He can’t think of anything normal or pleasant. He is dead set and adamant on naming the baby Fergert.” Donovan squishes his face in disgust and confusion. He wants to clarify the name, if you can call it that, that he just heard. “What? Fergert?”

“I don’t know, something about Barry’s Grandfather or some stupid pile of crap. There is no chance in hell I am naming my baby Fergert for God sakes.”

“Plus I always seem to want to just piss him off. I am almost tempted to name this thing Emily if it turns out to be a boy.” Donovan laughs at the thought of a boy named Emily and the fact that Rachyl is so enraged at the man who got her pregnant. She was the kind of woman who would blame it all on the man for getting her pregnant and feel it was up to him to use protection. She has changed since becoming pregnant though. She’s not so much for blame now that her motherly side is starting to come into fruition, which is probably why she is having a hard time with Donovan leaving. “I hope that when your baby is born, and if it’s a son, that it is not named Emily. I pray you two will come to a mutual decision and give that child the name it deserves. Something not so embarrassing.”

“I wouldn’t really name it Emily. I already have my baby names picked out.” Donovan feels a sense of excitement with this confession from Rachyl, the two of them know everything about each other, but he never knew she had children’s names picked out for her kids. “What are they?” he asks. “You’ll have to wait” she says, “These names won’t be revealed until I’m a big fat ass mother of six.”

“Six names? You want six kids?” Rachyl eyes him like he’s a gullible dumbass, he doesn’t clue in til a moment later that she was kidding. She laughs at him for being a fool. In her moment of laughter, Rachyl looks at two little black squares lying on the floor next to the front door of her bar. They flash a blue light and Rachyl turns to Donovan and grabs his hand, “The beepers are almost at a stale blue.” She squeezes her friend’s hand and looks into the rain again, Donovan smiles because she’s getting dramatic again. “You’ll call right? You won’t lose touch, you won’t leave me sitting here in No Haven not knowing where you are or how you’re doing…right?” Rachyl asks. Donovan smiles and squeezes Rachyl’s hand, “I would never abandon you Rachyl, don’t worry about that.” Rachyl let’s go of his hand and stands up from her wooden seat, “I know, I just like to be sure.” Donovan stands as well and Rachyl picks up the two beepers and hands one to Donovan, the front door of the bar opens and a short girl with short red hair pokes her head out the crack and addresses Rachyl and Donovan, “You guys have been out here a long time, those beepers probably need charging.” Rachyl holds up the beeper to the girl and shows the now stale blue light, “Come on you two, don’t want you getting eaten by ‘those things’, I am not cleaning up that mess.”

“We’ll be right there Annie.” Rachyl says, Annie nods her head and moves herself back inside the bar, not fully closing the door all the way. Rachyl grabs the door knob and turns to Donovan, “Annie is taking your leaving much better than I am. I find that strange.”
“Rachyl, Annie and I broke up.”

Donovan shakes his head and Rachyl runs her hand through his hair, “Come on.”

They step inside the dimly lit bar where the interior is much like the exterior. The floor is made of big paneled wood and four picnic like tables sit before them, the wooden walls absorb the rain spatter from outside and each step they make the boards creak and thump. A big staircase to the right of them leads to a smaller second floor and straight ahead lies a counter with six bar stools sitting before it. Behind the counter lines a wall of booze, mugs and a sink. Annie comes from a small kitchen behind the wall of the bar holding a pot and placing it on a picnic table closest to the stairs. She places the pot down and takes off the oven mitts from her hands and tosses them on the counter, “Take your seats, dinner is pretty much served.” Sitting at the table already is a slightly round, burly and gruff looking man with thick brown hair an unkept beard and clothing that could use an update. Rachyl eyes him up and for a moment thinks where she went wrong. She sits next to him and their eyes meet, she gives him a crooked smile and places her hand on the side of his face, “You really let yourself go.” Rachyl tosses her hand back and Donovan sits across from the quarreling couple. “Don’t start, Rachyl.” Barry says exhaustingly, by his tone he seems to get heckled a lot lately. “I’m only teasing” Rachyl gives him a kiss on the forehead and pokes him in his round belly. Barry isn’t a horrible looking guy, he can be quite attractive when he doesn’t look like he’s been the bitch for a pregnant woman. Rachyl has lost her cool composure since becoming pregnant, she blames hormones but really she just likes to see the guy sweat. She by no means is a bitch, but by Barry’s body language and expression he’s about had enough of pregnant Rachyl. Annie interrupts by placing a small cutting board of bread on the table with some butter and places her hand on the top of the pot sitting before them. “Now Donovan, we decided to make you a special dinner in honor of your new and better life. We hope this meal will be in your memories always and when ever you come across it in your journies you’ll think of your three dorky friends back in No Haven.” They all smile and Donovan interjects, “Well now I’m excited, what is this fine meal?” Annie’s smile gets bigger and she throws the top off the pot and says, “The same damn thing we eat every night! Porridge and stale bread! Enjoy!” Annie sits down and plants a kiss on Donovan’s cheek, and they all laugh while Donovan grabs the spoon and starts dishing out the bland mush sitting before them. “We’ll miss you buddy.” Barry raises his mug of beer and toasts to Donovan, then takes a big chug. “Did you pay for that?” asks Rachyl. Barry with that annoyed look on his face puts his arm around Rachyl and says, “No, but I certainly will my buttercup.” Rachyl puts her head on his, “Don’t be cheeky.” Barry closes his eyes in distress as he takes another chug from his mug. Annie looks at the pair sitting across from her with an expression of helplessness, she fears things will only get worse between Rachyl and Barry. All quarrels and tension is put to the side, for tonight is a night of joy and splendor. Donovan will depart from their lives and the three of them must cope with his absence.

Three weeks after Donovan’s departure Rachyl has yet to hear from him, she’s tries not to worry, but can’t help it. Donovan always lingers in the back of her mind and it wasn’t until after he was gone that she realized she was in love with him. She tries not to think of him, but she’s become so full of regret and thoughts of ‘what if’ that she anxiously wants to express her feelings the next time she speaks with Donovan. Rachyl’s patience is wearing thin but there is nothing she can do, she usually takes out her frustrations on Barry, they’re fighting more often these days. Before it was cheeky comments, then it turned into putting each other down, and now it’s turned into throwing things to scare one another. Barry is mostly the pitcher, Rachyl’s probably thrown the equivalent of a hand towel at the brute. Annie’s become the mediator, calming both of them down and constantly reminding them that they will soon have a baby to raise. Two weeks later, they have put their differences aside and while not completely at peace with one another they are tolerable, for now, but the feeling of things turning for the worse linger in the air.

Rachyl travels through the orange hazed streets of No Haven on a bus with a group of silent, weathered and hopeless people. Most people in No Haven look soulless and lost, considering this country’s living conditions and the beasts that wander the streets. Rachyl masks her happiness by pretending to be everyone else around her, on the inside though, she’s beaming. Aside from troubles with Barry she is happy. Rachyl steps off the city bus, beeper in hand and a warm heavy coat she walks toward a large fence. A Guard stands inside the gate and stops her before she walks further. “Name” he says, Rachyl stops and pulls out her No Haven ID card, “Rachyl Grivance, I have an appointment with Dr. Hearst.” The guard opens the gate and rushes Rachyl inside to safety. The Guard hates having to stop people before entering, his biggest fear is that one of those beasts immune to the beeper will appear and take the person standing before the gate. Failure to help others is a military guards biggest fear in No Haven, especially these days. The Guard tells Rachyl where to go, helpful but useless information, Rachyl’s frequented this place since becoming pregnant what with check ups and tests. She walks out of the gated walkway into a huge courtyard where a large military tent stands before her. She passes through the heavy fabric into one large room full of hospital beds, all along the left and the right and down the center the place is lined with hospital beds, some covered by a curtain for privacy and others completely exposed. Judging by the amount of curtains drawn, there aren’t many people here today. Rachyl walks up the left aisle in the tent towards the end where she comes across a nurse in her blue attire, braided pony tail and blank expression. “Can I help you?” she asks, “I’m here to see Dr. Hearst, my name is Rachyl Grivance.” The woman extends her hand to the bed closest to them, it also has the most floor space and when the curtain is drawn it makes a large room. Rachyl walks in as the nurse begins to draw the curtain, “Wow, getting the golden treatment am I?” the nurse doesn’t make eye contact with Rachyl and continues closing the blinds. “Dr. Hearst will be with you in just a moment, please lie on the bed.” The nurse exits the slit in the curtain and Rachyl proceeds to the bed. She lies back on the stiff board and stares at the fabric ceiling and the big dome lights that hang by thick black wires. Rachyl follows the wire until it meets with a light and continues on until the curtain blocks the view of anymore lights. Not noticing her hands, her palms have started to rub each other in a circular motion. Rachyl looks down and sees her hands and shakes them, nervous tick. She hates coming here, she always has an uneasy feeling for any appointment. She tries to think nothing of it, tries to be positive but Rachyl tends to worry at the worst moments. A tall brunette woman, hair tied back, thick sophisticated glasses and a white overcoat consuming her body enters the curtained room. Rachyl smiles and greets Dr. Hearst, “Good morning Dr. Hearst.” The woman takes off her glasses, folds them and places them on her clipboard, “Good morning Rachyl.” She says rather softly, Dr. Hearts is usually a very personable woman, Rachyl feels uneasy that the woman hasn’t even asked her how she is. Her uneasiness increases when she discovers two shadows at the entrance of the curtain, broad shoulders, heavy canvas attire…military guardsmen. “What’s going on?” asks Rachyl. Dr. Hearst follows Rachyl’s eyes to the shadows at the door and places her hand over her mouth, she gazes off to the side and stares at the floor, “Rachyl, I have some bad news.” Rachyl’s gut feels as if it’s fallen to her feet and it slowly seeps into her toes.

Dr. Hearst looks Rachyl in eye, but fails to keep eye contact and looks away because she can’t look this woman in the face. Rachyl can’t stand to be in here anymore, it’s been less than five minutes and she can’t hear that things are bad, she can’t have her world be shattered. Rachyl shakes her head and starts to move off the bed.

“The test results came back from your last visit, and I’m afraid they’re not good.” Rachyl, in hysterics utters the first thing that comes to her mind, “Is it my diet? I can change my diet. Or if I’m working too hard, if it’s too much stress on the baby I’ll stop. I have people who can cover for me. Do I need to be bed ridden? I’ll be bed ridden.” Rachyl whimpers but doesn’t hold back her tears as they flow down and over the soft bumps of her cheeks. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just genetics. The tests showed that your fetus won’t be normal. It’ll be mentally and physically challenged.”

“So?” Rachyl says with a disgust in her voice as if that were a problem.

“You don’t understand Rachyl. In instances like this, we need to take action. As much as we prefer not to.” The doctor struggles to keep eye contact with Rachyl once again. “When we discover these problems in unborn fetus’ we have to let the Government know. They then have to assess the income of the mother and father and determine whether they are fit to raise a child of this nature.” Rachyl blinks profusely and wipes her face, “I make good money.” Rachyl knows that’s a lie but she’ll do anything to be convincing. “Rachyl, I’m so sorry. The government has deemed you unfit to provide for a child of this state.” Dr. Hearst hands Rachyl a piece of paper from her clip board. “I have been issued to deliver a Government ordered abortion on your fetus.”

“Bullshit.” Rachyl throws the document to the side and gets off the bed. “You can’t do that! You have no right.”

“I know it’s not my right, but it’s what I’ve been ordered to do.”

“Fuck you, say no.” Rachyl’s face is soaked in tears, and with every blink she takes her vision becomes blurred. Rachyl becomes inaudible, swearing, mumbling, stuttering. She tries to maintain her composure but it’s impossible. Dr. Hearst approaches her and Rachyl pushes the woman onto the bed and books it for the slit in drapes, but she doesn’t get far. One of the two men grab her and Rachyl hysterically screams, squirms and fights her way out of their grip but they’re too strong. She screams, “Let me go!” but to no avail. Rachyl continues to struggle, but stops when her arms start to hurt. She gives up, these men won’t let go. Dr. Hearst comes up from behind Rachyl as she sits on the ground sobbing. “I am so sorry Rachyl.” Dr. Hearst’s apology falls on deaf ears, Rachyl screams inside her head, then starts to feel a bit tingly. Her eyes go heavy and she notices a sharp pain in her neck, it’s then she realizes she’s been tranquilized. She can’t fight them, she’s can’t stop them, she has no hope. Her head starts to hang low and she tries to keep her eyes open, the last thing she sees are her legs trembling till all is dark.

When Rachyl starts to come out of her forced coma, she can’t bare to open her eyes. She wishes she could go back to sleep, go back to the world she knew before she came to this horrible tent. Once her eyes open she’ll have awoken to a new world, a world she doesn’t want to be a part of. Her whole body aches and she feels empty and lonely inside. The little companion she had grown so close to is gone. This is the one moment in her life that she wished death upon herself. She’s so sore and broken that she can’t even find the strength to cry, and what would be the point? Mourning only brings on more sadness, as much as she’d like to think she is a strong enough person not to cry at a time like this, tears will flow and her heart will still be broken. Once Rachyl starts listening to her surroundings, and falling back into the new wretched world, she hears rustling and footsteps in the room with her.

“Ma’am.” Says the familiar voice, “I know you’re awake. I heard your deep sigh.” Rachyl decides it’s time to open her eyes, the room looks the same, as if nothing had happened here. Contraptions, utensils, the remnants of people, all are gone. It’s a scary feeling waking up to emptiness, internally and externally, when tragedy has just occurred. The nurse with the braided ponytail stands at the foot of the bed, “I imagine you’re sore.” Rachyl just blinks, she hates this woman. “My condolences are with you. This is never easy, not even for the people who have to perform these horrible deeds.” Rachyl still stares at the woman with pain in her eyes. “I’m to give this to you.” The woman holds two envelopes, she extends them out to Rachyl and Rachyl slowly grabs them with her weak and shaking hand. “You may leave when ever you’re ready, we’ll call a bus for you.” The woman turns and exits the room. Rachyl sees her clothes at the end of the bed neatly folded and ready to drape over her new shell of a body. After some time being alone and cursing everything she could possible curse, she somehow finds the strength to get up, get dressed and get out of this place. She places the envelopes in her coat pocket, not even thinking about them, or caring. She doesn’t remember the painful walk down the aisle of the tent or even getting herself to the gate. She leans her left shoulder on the metal bars for support, her knees feel like they’re going to buckle and her insides are heavy, like they’re about to fall to the ground. The guard who entered her into the camp stands there with her, Rachyl makes no effort to recognize that the man is there or that he even exists for her world has been destroyed and everything in this encampment should die…according to Rachyl. The guard sees in her face that she’s lost a part of her, that she didn’t go in there expecting to come out like she’s had the crap beaten out of her. She’s weathered, weak, feeble, yet to him she looks like the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. At this moment in her time of pain her true beauty emerges and she becomes strictly human, the guard finds it endearing and his heart breaks for her. The headlights of the bus creep up the side of the building down a side street as it makes its way to the front of the gate, “I’ll escort you to the bus.” Says the guard.

He opens the gate and Rachyl walks to the bus, still not acknowledging the guard, nor the bus driver or the other soulless, empty passengers as she takes her seat. None of these people exist, not to her, yet she feels exactly like them.

A week and half goes by and Rachyl has confined herself to her room, she thinks the next day will get better, but it doesn’t. Annie knew something was wrong the day Rachyl came home, after days of harping on her, Rachyl tells her everything and they both decide to keep this a secret from Barry, until Rachyl can find it in her to tell him that they won’t be parents. Barry doesn’t suspect anything is up, Rachyl told him she caught something from the doctor’s tent and is horribly ill, but that she’ll be ok. When two weeks after the procedure comes around, Rachyl walks down the steps of her bar and walks toward the sink for a glass of water. She takes a large mug and fills it just below the brim and takes a sip, the front door behind her swings open and a bellowing voice consumes her ears, “You fucking bitch!”

Rachyl turns with a mouth full of water to see Barry slamming the door behind him and approaching Rachyl. The door opens and in walks Annie, “Barry no!” Annie shrieks.

“You killed my child, Rachyl, you killed my child!” Barry rages. Rachyl looks at Annie and puts her mug down, “How could you! I trusted you!”

“Shut up!” Barry yells at Annie, he approaches Rachyl’s face and slams his hand on the counter and his eyes begin to swell. “Why did you kill him?” Rachyl’s eyes begin to swell as she is forced to talk about the one thing she can’t. “I didn’t kill it, there were complications and the government ordered the pregnancy be terminated.”

“I wasn’t drinking Barry! I did everything I was suppose to. It was genetics. They said it was going to be mentally and physically handicapped. They said we couldn’t provide for it because you don’t have a fucking job!” In that moment Rachyl realizes her hatred for Barry, this is his fault, if he had a job, a steady income then she could have kept her child. “You’re blaming this on me? You’re saying I make retarded babies?”

“Then you need to listen, asshole. It was genetics. We couldn’t prevent this, it just happens. And because you don’t make any money and you fully rely on me to support you we couldn’t keep it.”

Rachyl walks from around the counter towards the stairs. “You saying this my fault, Rachyl?” Barry looks at her with disgust as she walks away from him, she calmly says “Yes.” Barry grabs the mug of water from the counter and throws it at her head. Rachyl hits the ground holding the left side of her head, her vision blurred she slowly tries to comprehend what just happened and looks at her hand which is covered in blood, “Oh my god, Rachyl!” Annie runs toward Rachyl, “Don’t you fucking touch her Annie!” Annie stops and looks at Barry in complete and utter feat, he’s irate, he’s pacing back and forth with his fist to his mouth fighting back his tears. “You bitch! You bitch! You fucking bitch! This is your fault! You have the fucked up insides! You, you…fuck…you!” Barry’s face goes beet red, he looks as if he’s about to explode. Annie stands before Rachyl who struggles to get back up on her feet, with the broken glass on the floor she cuts her hand, she lifts herself up and with slight vision and tries to pull out the piece of glass when she hears Annie scream, Rachyl looks behind her and can only make out Barry coming toward her with what looks like a stool. Rachyl’s whole head goes numb, then her body and everything goes limp, the last thing she remembers hearing is Annie screaming “No!” Then darkness and pain befall her. Rachyl doesn’t remember waking up in her bed, the mass amount of pain keeps her from remembering anything, she’s propped up with pillows and can only move her right arm. She can feel her face is swollen, she can see the black bruises on her cheeks and taste dried blood from her nose. Her left ear is deaf and when she lifts her eye brows she can feel the dry blood sticking and pulling from her scalp, one eye is almost swollen over but she can see through both of them, surprisingly. Her left arm is obviously broken and her right leg and left foot feel shattered. Her torso feels tight and twice the size it should be, her whole body now throbs in pain once she collects all her injuries with her vision. She wants to scream but she can’t speak, she wants to cry but it hurts too much. She’s scared out of her mind and confused, why isn’t she at the hospital? Where’s Barry? Where’s Annie? Is she still alive? Rachyl sits there and breathes heavily in pain, she becomes so overwhelmed that she feels she’s about to pass out again. When she realizes how much blood there is all over the bed and herself, her eyes roll into the back of her head and she faints. Her last thought before she slips into unconsciousness is of Donovan. When the pain has subsided and Rachyl can absorb her surroundings she slowly begins to wake up, her body isn’t the bloody mess it was the last time she opened her eyes. She was clean, bandaged, comfortable, but still in pain. Her leg hides in a firm brace while her foot looks as if it’s been put in a capsule ready to be shipped away. Her arm is in a fiber glass cast and her wounds are masked nicely with soft gentle bandaging. Her face feels the worst, still swollen and discolored she tries to say ‘Ouch’ but discovers her face is so swollen, she can hardly speak. In this state, there is no point for tears. Rachyl can’t cry anymore for every tear she sheds the weaker she becomes, she sits in her bed, wounded and pathetic and starts to accept her situation. Rachyl’s bedroom door opens and Annie pokes her head through the crack of the door. Her eyes widened and mouth agape, Annie rushes to Rachyl’s side. “Oh my God, you’re awake!” Rachyl stares at Annie with confused eyes. She’s full of so many questions, one in particular, before she tries to speak Annie interrupts. “Rachyl, I thought you were good as dead. He really beat the shit out of you.” All Rachyl can think is ‘no shit.’ Rachyl opens her mouth slightly, for that’s about as much as her mouth can move and in a muffled, slurred language she asks “Why…not…hops…tal?” Annie looks at her confused, “What?” Rachyl’s face squints, she can’t say it again it causes too much pain, but she tries, “Why…am…not…hos…tal?” Rachyl struggles as her face pierces in pain. The slight movement of her jaw takes her head into an unfathomable pain, it’s then she realizes her jaw is broken. Annie thinks about what Rachyl was asking, but hesitates to give her an answer, “Rachyl, you shouldn’t be speaking. The doctor said your jaw is broken.” A doctor was involved. Rachyl is now at peace that Annie isn’t the one who tried to heal her wounds. The fact that Rachyl woke up in her own home had her worried, why was she not in a hospital? Why is she not receiving around the clock care? Where did Barry go? Did the cops come? By the sound of Annie’s voice, Rachyl almost died, which isn’t hard to believe considering her injuries, but nothing is said about Barry. Rachyl tries to put the fact that she is not in intensive care out of her mind, she’s alive and isn’t alone. Annie tells Rachyl about her injuries, the severity of it all, and how long it will take to fully heal. Rachyl is horrified to find out that she will be bed ridden for three months. Annie will be her sole caretaker during that time and both women are thankful they have each other.

For a while, Rachyl had complete trust in Annie. The first three weeks in being taken care of by her Rachyl was thankful she had a friend like Annie. Once the fourth week rolled around, Rachyl then discovered Annie wasn’t telling her the whole truth about the beating. In conversation, Annie had slipped up a few times in regards to the ‘doctor’ who treated her. It was beginning to sound more like Rachyl was treated by an acquaintance of Barry’s who was in the nursing program for the military. Rachyl also began to wonder what even happened to Barry. Annie didn’t mention him once in the last four weeks. Rachyl can’t speak so she can’t ask, but she has a horrible feeling Barry’s still around, not just around, but in the house, sleeping in the next room every night. Rachyl sometimes wakes up to whispers in the night, Annie is speaking to someone, and in that fourth week she suspected it was Barry. Her trust in Annie begins to fade, for some reason this woman is covering for what Barry did, is it out of fear? Is she not strong enough to take Barry on? Definitely, but Rachyl has a distinct feeling it’s much more than that. Rachyl’s suspicions became valid a few days later when she heard Barry scream at Annie over something inaudible, but it was his voice, his tone, it was him and he was still in Rachyl’s home. She sits there in her bed and breathes heavily, at first she thought she was feeling fear but it is in fact anger. Rage consumes Rachyl’s mind, body and thoughts. She’s feels betrayed and used and confused. What the hell was going on? Why is Barry in her home? Why is he not in prison? Why is Annie protecting him? Questions upon questions and not one can be answered because no words can be spoken from Rachyl’s shattered jaw. As she sits and seethes she tries to calm herself down, thinking there must be a valid explanation for this. But what kind of validity would permit Annie allowing the man who almost killed Rachyl to be under the same roof as her? She gives herself a headache and knowing she can receive no answers, she closes her eyes and decides to sleep, or what she now refers to as escaping.

Emptiness consumes Rachyl’s well being, she becomes distant from Annie. Rachyl won’t even look her in the eye, Annie notices the drastic change in her friend, but doesn’t question it, she suspects Rachyl knows that Barry is under the same roof as her. Rachyl has never felt so alone, and for a while lived in a fantasy where Annie would somehow get rid of Barry and it would be just the two of them again, but it wasn’t so. Annie just became distant, she’d feed Rachyl and nothing more. After about 8 weeks, their friendship was terminated. Rachyl was able to speak but wouldn’t dare speak to the woman who betrayed her, she was focused on more important matters. As time went on, the feeling in Rachyl’s body began to come back, her arm felt healed so when in privacy, which was a vast majority of the day, she created her own exercises to stop any permanent damage being caused by her injuries. Rachyl would use her left arm as much as possible, she would extend her hand, then clench it into a fist constantly. When her legs started to feel better she would extend them and curl them and when both Annie and Barry were out of the house or asleep, she would limp around her room determined to be normal once again. While recovering, she thought of what would happen when she was fully healed. What would Barry and Annie do to her knowing she was healed? How would she take care of this situation? Who could she go to for help? While her body got stronger, her mind grew weaker, every thought that came across her mind always ended in her failure. She wished so much for Donovan to return, to save her, to take her away. But she knows it won’t happen and she has to fight this out on her own. So until she can think of a solution, Rachyl continued the act of an injured woman. One day, Annie came into the room with a tray of food for Rachyl and an overtly large sweater draping over her torso. The two women hadn’t acknowledged each other in weeks, but today was different. Rachyl noticed something different in Annie and she stared at her with disgust in her eyes. Annie could feel the added tension in the room and looked at Rachyl, their eyes met and a gross fear hit the back of Annie’s throat. Annie’s terror was unusual, coming from a woman who was seemingly immobile. She took the tray and walked over to Rachyl and placed it over her lap, avoiding all eye contact, once her body hovered over Rachyl’s she felt a hand quickly place itself on her stomach. “You’re pregnant.” Said Rachyl. Annie hesitantly looks Rachyl in the eyes and is met with a piercing look of a woman who’s just been scorned. The fear in Annie has doubled over and she feels she’s about to puke, her voice trembles and she tries to say something but all she can come up with is, “You can talk.”

Rachyl doesn’t want to blow her cover so she resumes in her ‘injured’ position and confronts her former friend, “This all makes sense now. Why Barry’s still here. You fucked him and you got pregnant.”

“Then you must be a complete dumbass, cause if my friend was beaten almost to death I would make sure that who ever kicked her ass paid for what he did!”

Annie starts to sob and hyperventilate as the two women’s tension explodes into the air. Annie tries to speak, tries to think of ways to prove that what she did was valid but comes up with nothing.

“You’re both disgusting people Annie. You, you’re a fucking cunt!”

Annie quickly leaves the room leaving Rachyl in complete and utter shock. “Annie!” She yells, but there is no response. Being left with her thoughts, Rachyl draws her own conclusions. There is no doubt Annie and Barry had been sleeping together while Rachyl was pregnant, although Annie has been wearing over sized sweaters her stomach is visible. As to why Barry and Annie didn’t throw Rachyl to the streets while half dead, she doesn’t know. She does know that Annie wouldn’t get rid of the father of her child, and now that Rachyl knows their secret, it isn’t long before Barry and Annie decide to get rid of Rachyl. Rachyl doesn’t think they’ll go as far as to kill her, maybe Barry but Annie still holds an obvious fondness for Rachyl. She can see her future consisting of her residing on the streets. Her plot for revenge begins, her plan to get her life back is in full force. But how the hell is she suppose to get these two people out of her bar? Out of her house? Rachyl thinks of any possible scenario but can’t think of anything solid, until she remembers ‘the secret’.

Rachyl came into possession of her bar from her late Uncle, it’s known as a family heirloom for only members of the Grivance family have owned it. It’s almost considered a heritage building and is well known throughout the history of No Haven. The day the bar became Rachyl’s her Uncle showed her everything in the bar and how it works. He trained her how to pour beer, define a fine wine, customer service and most importantly the whereabouts of ‘The Secret’ and how to use it. Only those who owned the bar knew of this ‘secret’ and it was clear since crossing her mind, this was it, this was Rachyl’s ticket to get her life back. ‘The Secret’ wouldn’t fail, not by a long shot. She recalls the day her Uncle revealed ‘the secret’ to her. He told her if she was ever in rough times, or came across someone who was going to do her wrong then she was to use this little gift behind the wall. When he showed Rachyl what he meant, she looked at her Uncle in disbelief, was he serious? Was this a joke? It was true, it was real and he was more than serious. Rachyl could kick herself for not remembering about the gift behind the wall, she never had to use it so she never thought of it. Now though, it needed to be used more than ever. When her feelings of stupidity pass Rachyl plots the coming events to extract the vermin from her bar. Not only have Barry and Annie fucked with Rachyl, but they fucked with a family heirloom and Rachyl was not going to let them get away with it. In one day, Rachyl would get her life back. She couldn’t sleep that night with thoughts of the pass few months going through her head, from being the happiest she has ever been to the shittiest she has ever felt, Rachyl deserves some vindication. She has lost so much that she forgot that her life was hers to gain. With thoughts of revenge going through her head like clock work Rachyl looks off to the side of the room beside her bed where a pile of clothes lay. Clothes that have been laying there since she’s been confined to her bed, although it doesn’t seem important at the moment Rachyl remembers the two envelopes she received at the hospital when her life took it’s turn for the worse. Wanting to keep her mind off revenge Rachyl rummages through the musty clothes wreaking of mold and in the pocket of her heavy coat she pulls out the two envelopes. She sits back on the bed and unfolds one envelope it’s a letter of apology from the doctor that Rachyl disreguards and throws to the floor after crumpling it with her fist. The other document, also in an envelope is released into the air with a vigorous rip and tear. Rachyl unfolds the document and reads that it is an apology from the government. Line by line Rachyl is coursing with anger and sadness, sadness that she lost her baby, anger at the government and Barry. The anger soon becomes rage when Rachyl reads the last line of the document which states that with the loss of her unborn child the government will ‘reimburse’ her with 5000 nil into her bank account after the medical procedure. Rachyl’s face becomes hot, her heart sunken and a consumption of weakness and disbelief, tears stream down her face and hit the paper like rain. The void of losing her child was to be filled with money from the government, money she could have used to raise the handicapped child she was to have. With every horrible emotion seething through her body, Rachyl stops herself from screaming. Why did this have to happen to her? What did she do to deserve this? Why is she asking questions? “Fuck this” she says. She throws the document on the ground and takes a deep breath. Screw waiting a day, tonight she is taking back her life.

That night, when all is quiet Rachyl swings her legs over the bed and takes the first few gentle steps to freedom. This room will no longer be home, this whole house will be her home. She slowly limps to the door of the room and stands before it listening to make sure no one is awake. She places her hand on the knob and turns it slowly, she gently pushes the door open trying not to make a sound and a gust of fresh air hits her lungs. Her body feels refreshment from the cool air, she almost feels sick from being confined to that room. She swings the door open and steps out, not making a single noise. She stops again and listens to the silence. When all is clear, she releases herself from the door and walks down the hallway almost as if she were gliding. Not a single noise is made as if this were meant to happen. So far, so good, she thinks to herself. She stops before the door that Barry and Annie most likely are sleeping in, she glares at the door with a fiery hatred and thinks to herself, ‘I’ll be right back.’ Full of adrenaline and determination she is focused on her plan. She’s thought out what she needs to do since she remembered ‘the secret’ and she finds her mind going a mile a minute. She takes a deep breath and focuses, there is no time for screw ups. She makes her way to the stairs and looks down at the bar below her. The place is a mess, mugs lie everywhere, dirty clothes draped over the tables and chairs, plates covered in old food and mold are stacked upon one another. Vermin really were living in this house, Rachyl thinks to herself, they had turned her humble home into a creatures nest. ‘Ignore the small things’ She says in her head and she proceeds down the stairs with caution, for they have a tendency to creak. One step at a time she descends to the garbage pit below. The steps begin to creak with her body weight and she stops, she’s only on the fourth step down and the noise has her paranoid. She tries to go down one more step and a huge creak echoes throughout the house. Rachyl cringes and hears a soft voice in the room behind her say “What was that?”

Rachyl’s throat sinks to her stomach, she needs to act fast, she looks at the banister she holds on to for dear life and flings her left leg over it. She straddles the polished wooden beam and slides to the bottom of the steps, not making a single sound. She quickly gets off the banister and hides under the steps and waits for someone to emerge from the room upstairs. No one. When she feels it’s safe, Rachyl looks at a wooden slat beside the sink in her little bar. Her eyes fixated on the panel, Rachyl moves forward with her ghost like movements and places her hand on the wall that contains ‘The Secret’. She pokes each wooden panel with her finger trying to remember which one holds her ticket to freedom. Her finger comes across a panel that feels hollow on the other side of it. This is it, this is the one. Rachyl places her hand flat on the panel, she pushes on it and lifts the panel up. The wooden slat falls forward and Rachyl gently grabs it with both hands and places it over the sink. She stares in the hidden hole and staring back at her is that beautiful secret she and her uncle shared. With both hands, she delicately wraps her hands around a rather generous shotgun. She holds it in front of her chest and she examines it, remembering how her Uncle taught her to use it. She opens the shaft to see that it’s loaded, just like it’s suppose to be. In the coffin of the shotgun lays a box of shells that Rachyl grabs and puts in a bag laying on the floor. She drapes the bag over her shoulder and leaves the flap open for easy access to the bullets, just in case she needs them. She makes her way back to the bottom of the stairs and looks up at the door standing before her at the top, taunting her with the vermin needing to be eradicated behind it’s wooden wall. Rachyl looks at the stairs and wonders how she’s suppose to get up there without making a noise, till she realizes it doesn’t matter anymore. This was it, this was the moment she had waited for. She has what she wanted and she’s not going to go through with this gently. “Balls to the wall” She utters under her breath. She places her foot on the first step, looks up and dashes up the steps as fast as she can. When she reaches the door she opens it and swings it with all her force, the door hits the back of the wall and Barry and Annie are awoken by the bang and ‘shuk-shuk’ of the shotgun. Standing before the two of them is a woman who was done wrong, a woman who was done wrong holding a fucking shotgun. “What the fuck?!” Says Barry.

Rachyl doesn’t say a word, she just stares at the two of them feeling vindicated. She has become a woman reborn.

The past two years of Rachyl’s life consisted of events she would never have thought of. The loss of her baby, the near loss of her life and losing the three people who at a time, were the most important people in her life. At the end of it all, she had nothing and life had to start all over. She thought she was vindicated getting rid of Barry and Annie, but her crimes soon caught up with her. Rachyl now has a lot of time to think about the past two years, she wishes they could have been happier so she could have pleasant thoughts going through her mind as she sits in her prison cell. But her life just doesn’t seem to be that easy. She lays on a thin cot and stairs at the fluorescent light on the ceiling. She wonders what ever happened to Donovan, and why she never heard from him. If she were to see Donovan again, what would be his reaction in discovering Barry and Annie were dead? Rachyl closes her eyes and thinks about all the unanswered questions she creates for herself and why life is so hard.