BERT
Okay, case number A713N. (turns on recorder) Please state
your name.
JOHN
I do not have one.
BERT
You don't have one?
JOHN
No.
BERT
You don't have a name?
JOHN
No.
BERT
No identity at all?
JOHN
None.
BERT
Goddammit. Okay, fine. I'm going to call you John. When I
say "John", you respond. Is that clear?
JOHN
Yes.
BERT
Good. Okay, John. Can you tell me why you were in the
Youngstown Public Library after hours this evening?
JOHN
I was reading.
BERT
Okay... John. Do you not understand the concept of hours of
operation?
JOHN
I do.
BERT
You do? Well, that seems a little strange to me, seeing as
how you broke into city property and proceeded to vandalize
the facility.
JOHN
I did not vandalize anything. I was merely trying to acquire
your attention, and seeing as how our time is limited, I did
not want to wait.
BERT
Well, you have my attention, John. And what exactly do you
mean "our time is limited"?
JOHN
Precisely what I said. We are running out of time.
BERT
I don't... John. Are you making some sort of a threat?
JOHN
A promise, rather.
BERT
A promise? John, what exactly are you "promising" me?
JOHN
Nothing. It's a promise to all of you.
BERT
All of who? Are you making a threat to YPD? That, sir is a
felony offense.
JOHN
No. I'm making a promise to your planet.
BERT
My planet? Ah, shit. (picks up recorder) case number A713N
is mentally unstable, no further questioning necessary
(turns off recorder).
JOHN
Are we alone?
BERT
Pardon?
JOHN
Are we alone?
BERT
Yeah. Why you ask?
JOHN
No one is monitoring our conversation?
BERT
No. Trust me, it's no longer necessary.
JOHN
Good. I have something to tell you. Something you will want
to hear.
BERT
Look, John - nothing you can say is going to help. We're
done here.
JOHN
Then what is the harm?
BERT
Okay, fine. (picks up recorder, tries to turn it on). This,
piece of shit. Battery must be dead.
JOHN
It isn't. I have disabled the device.
BERT
Excuse me?
JOHN
I have disabled it using telekinesis.
BERT
Okay, John - with all due respect you're a few screws short
of a toolbox and I've got better things to do then... AHHH!
(feels electric shock from recorder) What the fuck is wrong
with this thing?
JOHN
Do you believe me now?
BERT
(Long pause, stare) What the.... did you do that?
JOHN
Perhaps. Have I your attention now?
BERT
Yeah. Full.
JOHN
Splendid. Detective Ferguson, I regret to inform you that
your entire planet is scheduled to be decimated at
approximately 6:33 a.m. eastern standard time.
BERT
(Long pause, stare) Wow.... woooooow... well, thank GOODNESS
you told me! I'm so glad that we picked you up! Looks like I
saved the planet! All in a days work, right?
JOHN
Detective...
BERT
Listen, John. I don't know what kind of shit you're on, but
you need to clean up your life.
JOHN
Detective...
BERT
No, I'm serious. You seem like an articulate guy. Your brain
is going to be silly putty - if it already isn't - if you
keep this shit up.
JOHN
Detective.
BERT
LET ME FINISH. I've got much more important things to do
than listen to some whacked out junky tell me about the end
of the world, so shut up and wait here until someone picks
you up (gets up to leave).
JOHN
Wouldn't you want to save Charlie?
BERT
(Pauses) What did you say?
JOHN
I said, wouldn't you want to save Charlie?
BERT
How the fuck do you know my son's name?
JOHN
I know a lot more than you would give me credit for,
detective.
BERT
Shut up. How do you know his name?
JOHN
Detective...
BERT
(Gets up in John's face) I SAID, HOW DO YOU KNOW HIS NAME?
JOHN
Bert, may I call you Bert?
BERT
What?
JOHN
Your first name, may I refer to you by your first name?
BERT
Sure. Answer my question.
JOHN
I will. Please, stand back - you are making me
uncomfortable. There.
BERT
(Sits back down) How do you know my son's name?
JOHN
I know everything about you, Detective Bert Ferguson, age
45, weight 190 pounds, height 5 foot 10 inches. I know that
your wife tragically passed due to a 2 and a half year bout
with cancer. I know that you are a recovering alcoholic
because you blame yourself for not being there when her
lungs collapsed, and I know that your son Charlie is the
most important thing in the world to you.
BERT
(Stares, horrified) Who are you?
JOHN
Let us say, I am not of your world.
BERT
(Scoffs) John, this isn't funny. I'm going to ask you one
more time. Who...
JOHN
Is it so unbelievable?
BERT
What?
JOHN
Is it so unbelievable that perhaps your world isn't the only
one out there?
BERT
I mean...
JOHN
Is it so unbelievable that - as many of your people suspect
- that you are in fact being watched?
BERT
I, uh...
JOHN
I am here to warn you.
BERT
Why?
JOHN
I was sent here 250 years ago to observe your species. I
took form as one of your own and have been cataloguing data
for my people since.
BERT
Cataloguing? What, like a... like a scientist?
JOHN
Precisely.
BERT
(Pulls out flask and takes a drink) Well... why are we going
to be killed off?
JOHN
Because you present a threat to our kind.
BERT
Wait... what?
JOHN
Your people are a vicious, warring kind that seek nothing
but self-indulgence and power. I have watched your kind kill
off innocent animal species, men, women, and children.
BERT
I guess we are a pretty shitty kind. (Takes a drink) So why
are warning me?
JOHN
Because. Much like your scientists have made error in
observation, I too have made a mistake.
BERT
So you're not perfect?
JOHN
No. And neither are you. But you... you in particular. You
show sincere compassion.
BERT
Me?
JOHN
Yes, you. I have been studying you extensively for the past
2 decades and you have presented evidence that regardless of
circumstance, you can still provide compassion for those
that need it most.
BERT
Mom always said that I had a big heart.
JOHN
I'm sorry?
BERT
Have you never heard that expression before?
JOHN
I'm afraid I haven't.
BERT
A big heart. Y'know, like... someone who likes to spread
love.
JOHN
I'm afraid I'm confused by your incorrect anatomical linkage
between emotional expression and cardiovascular functioning.
BERT
What the fuck ever. So, is there anything I can do to stop
this? By the clock's standard, we've got about half an hour
before we're outta here.
JOHN
There is nothing you can do.
BERT
Well then, with all due respect, I've got a son to kiss
goodbye.
JOHN
There is one thing.
BERT
What?
JOHN
We share many similar traits, Bert. I too lost my wife,
almost a century ago due to illness. And my daughter was
vaporized when she tried to stand up for me prior to my
deployment to your planet.
BERT
Holy shit. Why?
JOHN
Because this is in fact a suicide mission.
BERT
You mean, you're not getting out of here alive either?
JOHN
I'm afraid not. My government finds me expendable.
BERT
Well, how can we stop this from happening?
JOHN
I have made the necessary arrangements. I will be vaporized
as a sacrifice for your kind.
BERT
Wait, what?
JOHN
After investing nearly infinite resources for my mission
over these years, my government sees it fit to destroy
someone or something to make a statement to our people.
BERT
So you're just going to take a bullet for a planet full of
people that you don't know?
JOHN
No. I'm going to take a bullet for you, Bert.
BERT
For me? Why?
JOHN
Because you've just showed me what I have been searching for
for over 200 years.
BERT
What?
JOHN
Unbridled curiosity and trust in the unknown.
BERT
That doesn't make any sense at all (lights black out, then
flicker back on revealing Bert alone in the interrogation
room). What the... ? (He stands, looking around, confused.
He looks down at the table, picks up the voice recorder,
presses rewind, and deletes the sound file).
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