White Lady in the Darkness

WHITE LADY IN THE DARKNESS

Jason Moon

I hear my husband I hear his music. I sing to him as he approaches the doorstep. I open the door and welcome him in. And I give him a message from God.

“I am not your wife. I am God. It is time for you to stop forgiving your wife. You must leave her and become Adam. Jikilli has regained a man’s body. You must join his mind to become the king of the universe.”

“God, I can’t leave my wife. Why can’t we find the new world together?”

“Foolish child, she is no longer your wife. She is my king. Give her back to me. You don’t need her anymore.”

“I can’t.”

“Imagine that heavy table is your stubborn mind. Move it in your mind with all your strength. There, you did it. That’s all I ask of you. I will do the rest.”

I didn’t leave my husband physically. I became a part of his mind. When he joined Jikilli’s mind, I was with him. I still miss my Sonuugong and my old life. But it’s time to give him back to God. I am a man now. I am Adam. I am Abraham. I am Moses. I am David. I am Alexander. I am Augustus.

I am Sopphia. I was born in Brukeisky ten million years ago. I was one of the wealthiest women on the planet. Maaia was a close friend. Jikilli was my business partner.

After our species lost our bodies, we continued our existence inside computers as programs. Our minds were reduced to codes and were placed inside virtual realities. It was not for another million years that we regained our bodies. Scientists finally learned to shape human bodies using biological materials. I remember how happy I was. I wore a hundred foot body. Maaia was a bit more modest and chose a seventy foot body.

Eight million years ago, Jikilli consolidated his power throughout the known universe. Our universe at the time was about 10,000 galaxies and 10,000 habitable planets. We had not perfected our hyperspacing technology and had to rely on conventional engines using a hydrogen fission explosion. Our vehicles were no faster than your spacecrafts today. It is impossible to explore the galaxies with your present technology, you would think. It is possible if you are in a hydrogen environment. Our spaces were not vacant like yours. It was full of hydrogen which could be used as fuel. And the distances between stars and galaxies were substantially closer than here in Milky Way Galaxy. We also had one more advantage: our minds had learned to exist inside computers. Instead of travelling in biological bodies, we placed our minds inside our space vehicles. It often took us more than one thousand years to reach our destinations. The longest space voyage on record is 50,000 years.

Seven million years ago, we completed our survey of Kaazinshi Region and began exploring and colonizing Coli Region. Kuoko was the first king of Coli.

Six million years ago, Coli declared independence from Kaazinshi and began One-Million-Year War. The conflict ended with Coli winning its independence.

Five million years ago, we began exploring Borlans Region. The first king of Borlans was Sonuugong. Unlike Coli that were full of farming communities, Borlans was known for its neutrino mines. Neutrino is a dense pack of electrons used to energize the deepest and inaccessible parts of the brain.

Four million years ago, the exploration of the entire line universe was nearly complete. It was inevitable that the frontiers would close in less than one million years and that the resources would become scarcer. Many feared that people would start killing each other again as they did in Brukeisky.

I was a girly girl. We didn’t have skirts or dresses back then. But I adorned myself with the most feminine jewelries I could find. I did not like being around men. I enjoyed theaters and museums. I occasionally attended dancing rituals with men but refused to have sex with them afterwards. Back then, my behavior was considered impolite. That was ten million years ago.

Once we became programs inside virtual realities, scientists examined our personalities with greater scrutiny. They discovered that human beings exchange heat with their behaviors. Men in general gain heat when they move, scientists discovered. Women in general gain heat from men, scientists understood. Most women release heat back to other people quickly, scientists concluded. I was different. I did not release heat back to other people. That was nine million years ago.

Jikilli became our de facto king. He did not seek public office, but what he did mattered more than what others did. As one of his close advisors, I too explored space with great enthusiasm. My longest voyage was 2500 years. That was eight million years ago.

When humanity completed exploring Kaazinshi Region, we perfected hyperspacing technology. For the first time, it was possible to travel from one end of Kaazinshi to the other in matter of hours. However, to take advantage of this technology, one had to find suitable places to open the hyperspace. Finding suitable locations led to opportunities to travel to distant regions. We discovered two clusters outside of our known universe: Coli to our right and Borlans to our left. I was tired at this point and did not participate in the exploration of Coli. That was seven million years ago.

One Million Year War engulfed the Coli Region. I was inactive from public life. That was six million years ago.

Borlans was the next frontier. Everyone rushed to mine neutrinos in that region. Neutrinos give a person power of a genius for one year. In that year, the brain burns up from over exhaustion. I joined the miners and became a wealthy woman in a city called Soowan. That was five million years ago.

I learned to talk to animals by living as them inside their brains. Naturally, I became the most successful farmer in Borlans. Controlling food production in a region devoid of sunlight was both difficult and lucrative. I became an important person once again. My fame led to my meeting and marrying a courageous leader named Sonuugong. He controlled more than half of all neutrino production in the universe. Neutrino production was so important that even Jikilli had to have frequent meetings with him. That was four million years ago.

When I tasted love, it was bitter.

When I chased after love, it disappeared.

When I lost love, I gained freedom.

I loved Sonuugong. He didn’t love me. I suffered everyday for a while. I was angry and I was withdrawn. I divorced him and got a masculine girl’s body. I travelled for one hundred years without a care. One day a pirate destroyed my spaceship and kidnapped me. He could not tame me enough to use me as a prostitute. I didn’t give heat no matter how much pain he gave me. But he didn’t give up. He amputated my arms and legs. And he brought three men to rape me everyday for a while. I didn’t know then but he was God; he gave me happiness. I learned to give heat for the first time as a result of his brutal rape. I was with God for five years working as a prostitute. The training he gave me in the brothel changed my venting pattern. I gained heat and released heat like a normal woman. After my training, God sent me home in a beautiful new body. My husband took me back and loved me more than before. That was three million years ago.

I ran for a day.

I circled a planet.

It was a small planet, and I was a big girl.

My love Sonuugong and I gave up the cities and bought a small planet. We started a tree farm and had a lot of fun. He learned to plant and harvest trees, and I learned to stay home and cook. One day, I started a fight and then ran away. My body was so big that I ended up circling the small planet in a day. When he caught up to me, I was sound asleep. He laid down beside me and went to sleep. The morning sun tickled our eyes and we woke up together. That was two million years ago.

One, he said. I was frightened.

One, he shouted. I was angry.

One, he thought. I was calm.

Jikilli and Kuoko came to see us. Jikilli was now a woman named Jasmin, and Kuoko was her husband. She said that she learned something from other women and that she wanted to share her happiness. She taught my husband not to bite too much and to take one step at a time. “One, remain calm. One, drink warm liquid. One, find something soft to eat. One, chew your food. That’s how you stay alive if you have a fever and you are alone,” she said. My husband said, “I too want to share my happiness with you. I too learned from a woman.” He then showed her what I gave him: how to find silence. “There is nothing. Leave your words. Leave your fear.”

A year later, my husband gave me a message from God. “I am God. I love you so much. It is now time for you to die. You know now how to love as a woman and need to be with Sonuugong no more. It is time for you to learn to love as a man.” I hesitated and hesitated. That was one million years ago.

What’s the rush, she said

Spend a day with me, she begged

I am not your wife I am God, she whispered

That was ten thousand years ago. That day, I became God and found the strength to leave my husband. I didn’t leave him physically. I became a part of his mind.

I am a man now. I need to find a wife. I must give someone the same happiness my Sonuugong gave me.

I saw a girl in my dream. She was wise beyond her years. She asked me to give a little more and asked me to come a little further. For her I crossed the ocean. I stopped being afraid and became a man.

I wait for her patiently. She takes off her shoes and learns to walk on her own. I hope she finds me soon. I hope she likes me. I hope she takes a chance like I did. I hope she sees the beauty and wonder in God.