You know that feeling of being different,but not knowing what is actually different about yourself. Thinking about it so much it makes your whole body shudder and your bottom lip tremble as you feel your hands clenching into a tight fist. The feeling of being alone and maybe a little psychotic,as you sit by yourself just thinking of the worst so much that your stomach growls and a knot appears and that just being the start of it. I guess i had an okay childhood,if you compare it to others,i had everything i ever needed to live,a loving family,a warm home and a bed to sleep in. Well it was okay untill my father suddenly left,mother never spoke of why he left but i was too young to understand anything,he left when i was 6,but only a few weeks after he left mother seemed to loose her grip on life and slowly sank into her own despair. It was never easy watching mother grieve the way that she did,even though i didnt understand it still hit me like a dagger in the back. I was quite content my self if you could call it that i guess i wasnt your average little girl,never owned a dolly it never really fascinated me all that much,i sat in the corner of my room...talking to myself. Everybody who met me didnt think i was all there but to me it was completely normal,mother was to busy weeping or sleeping to notice my routine so it didnt really matter to her what i was doing or saying. Sometimes i would feel so alone,almost as if i was a fly on the wall,it hurt but thats all ive delt with growing up. I guess you are itching to know as to who i am,but that doesnt matter does it? anyhow,my name is Rebecca Stone but i prefer to be called Becky or Becca.You now know a little about my past life its time to let you know why i am writing this,i was given this diary from my grandma when i was 11 never really thought about writing in it untill now i guess. Its March 2nd 2011 21:46 and i think its time to tell my story,why i am who i am. It really started from when i was 12 when i went to public school,i never really had an education before then but its never too late to start. I got teased alot for how i dressed,how i spoke and for who i was,but i didnt let that stop me. My first week in and i heard something beautiful,nothing like ive heard before behind two double doors there stood a charming young man his hair as black as raven,his skin glowing like a summers day and his eyes reaching in to my soul and squeezing my heart and lungs till i could not breath,there he stood on a theatre stage like an angel who'd lost his wings. My heart pounded so hard i felt it in my ears,it wouldnt suprise me if he heard it to from all the way over there,he stood tall with posture and his gentle nature,i couldnt believe my eyes at such a sight,my palms were sweaty and my knees felt as though they were about to give way beneath me. It was something i never felt before,the warming feeling in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach,it was beautiful but frightening.
MORE TO COME!!