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The Event of the Century

Miscellaneous By: Elliot Borges

Get yourself ready.

Submitted:Apr 17, 2013    Reads: 66    Comments: 0    Likes: 0   

The Event of The Century

My 3 year old cousin reliably informs me that it is his birthday on 11 May 2013. In order to ensure the smooth running of proceedings he has also supplied me with a shopping list of things that he would like to receive on his birthday.

Presumably in no particular order, I have been left in no uncertain terms that he would like the following:

  • Candles on his cake
  • Ketchup on his chips
  • A whistle (He tells me he has never before been in the possession of such a highly treasured item).
  • Balloons
  • Party poppers
  • And last, but I have reason not to believe not least, a brand new red lipstick like the one his mother owns.

During a somewhat terse and protracted process of hard negotiation, I tried to advise him to accept, in lieu of the latter item, either of the following makeweights: a "Bob The Builder" jigsaw puzzle or a chess set (he is half Hungarian after all and therefore perfectly well placed to follow in the footsteps of some very esteemed company).

Attempts to communicate the essence of chess to him fell on unimpressed ears. I also tried, in a somewhat diplomatic fashion, to convince him that red was not his colour.

But it was all to no avail.

After a period of sometimes heated and always tense discussion, I told him that we would be prepared to meet his rather esoteric demands.

Preparations have begun to be made in accordance with his instructions. The ketchup is ready. The whistle has been wrapped.

Now all that is left for me to do is to decide what to get him for his real present.


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