It was a little past ten when Benjamin walked into the local diner, Joe’s, but the place was already filled with people. But Benjamin could not blame them, he loved the diner Joseph Morrison, or more casually known as Joe, had started up in the late seventies. Everything was still in its original state, the way it had been back then, everything from the red and white floor pattern to the chairs. Benjamin usually came here for a delicious cup of their coffee.
But this morning he had hoped he would have found another place, a place were less people would know him. As he walked through the door, the cold wind outside blew in a pile of snow to follow him, and a bell rang somewhere above his head. He cursed the old bell, while he watched how every pair of eyes in the small diner looked over at him, some of them longer, some of them just quickly. But they looked anyway, and Benjamin figured they knew it had been one year exactly today. They were all probably waiting for Benjamin to crack, fall down any moment, because they all knew how hard the last year had been for him, compared to his parents and sisters. But Benjamin might not have everything under control in his life right now, but he still had his pride, and would not lose face in front of all these people, some of them unknown to him, but who still seemed to know exactly who he was.
He walked inside the diner, and after a few seconds the staring actually stopped, or then they just hid it better. Joe Morrison, the owner of the place, was behind the counter, cleaning glasses with a red towel. As he saw Benjamin walk over to one of the high chairs by the counter, he greeted him with a quick nod. Benjamin smiled back weakly and took a seat opposite the owner on one of the high chairs.
“How you holding up, boy?” Joe Morrison asked after a moment of silence. He had that concerned look in his eyes, something Benjamin felt like he had seen on every face for the past year. Benjamin tried for a short laugh, but it came out all wrong and felt unnatural.
“I’m just fine, Joe”, he said shortly.
Joe gave him a long look, which made Benjamin realize just how bad his attempt to hide how he felt really had been. Joe threw the towel over his right shoulder and took the glasses he had been cleaning, before walking into the back of the diner. Benjamin was left sitting alone in front of the counter, but it was not long until he heard someone walk up to him.
“Morning, Ben. The usual, I guess?”
Benjamin turned over, just to find Dena Morrison, the waitress at Joe’s, standing beside him. She was maybe in her early twenties, and the daughter of Joe Morrison. She had been working here for as long as Benjamin could remember, and over the years they had become friends, or something like it. Right now it looked like she had had a busy morning, strands of her wavy brown hair were hanging down from the bun on the back of her head, and her cheeks were rosy.
She was frantically looking through the pockets on her apron, probably for the white little notebook she usually took up orders in.
“I’ll just have the usual coffee, Dena”, Benjamin said quickly to spare her the trouble. “To go, please?”
He added the last part after taking a quick look around the diner and discovering people still trying to hide they were looking, but he had to admit they were not very good at it.
Dena calmed down and looked at him, and he felt annoyed when he saw worry in her face now, too.
“Are you sure you are okay, Ben?”
He wished deep inside that everyone would just stop worrying about him all the time. They probably had enough on their minds already, and besides, he was a big boy. He could take care of himself.
“Yeah, sure”, he said, not able to hide his irritation towards everything and everyone right now so well. “Could I just get my coffee? Please?”
Dena nodded, but Ben saw hurt in her face, and immediately felt a bit bad for how he had treated her. It was not that he was mad at her, he had just let the anger he felt towards everyone burst out on her, and he realized now that was wrong. She had only ever been nice to him, and during the past year, she had offered to be there for him if he ever needed anyone to talk to. Ben realized now he would not have blamed Dena for disappearing from his life completely, the way he had been treating her the past year, he could have easily understood why she would have cut off contact with him.
“There you go.”
It was Dena, and she was back with the coffee. She handed it to him quickly, before she turned around to clean one of the nearby tables.
“Look, Dena, I’m sorry for the way I have been treating you. It is just… the last year has been hard, and believe me, all I ever would want to do would be to get over what happened. But it seems like it will not leave me alone, no matter how hard I try to move on…”
Ben swallowed hard and looked at Dena, who had now turned to look at him again, trey in hand. He had not meant to say so much, to get in on the details on how he felt, the words had just come out. He did not want to involve her in this twisted misery he called life, but somehow, he had just opened up to her. In that moment he realized that she was indeed the closest to a friend he had, and that he needed to talk to someone about all the things he had been keeping inside the past year.
Dena sighed and put down the tray on the nearby table.
“Why are you telling me all this, Ben? I mean, you come here almost every day, and you order your coffee, talk to me a little, and that is it. I mean, I would not exactly call us friends, you know?”
“I know, but right now, you are the closest to a friend I’ve got, Dena”, Ben said and tried to smile, and this time, it actually worked out pretty well.
Dena smiled weakly, too. Her pale skin was still a bit rosy, and strands of her hair were hanging down her face, but Ben thought she looked very sweet. Her smile, even though it was a weak one, made her hazel eyes shine in the same way they always did when she smiled.
“Fine, I’ll be your friend, Benjamin Shaffer”, she said with a fake sigh. “But, you have to promise you’ll be nicer to me in the future”, she added, pointing a finger at him accusingly.
Ben laughed. He had not done that so often the past year, and as he now thought of it, the times he could recall himself laughing, he had been in Dena’s company.
“I promise”, Ben said and put up his hands, still smiling.
“Good”, Dena said and took the tray from the nearby table again. Ben looked after her as she disappeared into the back room, picking up his coffee. He tried his best to ignore all the looks he got as he walked out the diner, tried to ignore the cheery sound of a bell ringing somewhere above his head. The air outside was chillier than he had remembered, although he had spent only about ten minutes inside the diner. He pulled his brown scarf tighter around his face, and held on tightly to the warm paper cup in his hands. He did not know how, but seeing Dena and Joe had made Ben feel better. He had known them for a long time, and to see a familiar face felt better than he had remembered. He had not seen so much of his own family lately, he realized as the cold wind made him shiver. But he did not want to think about that now, it would only destroy the good mood he had picked up after talking to Dena.
Somehow, her presence, listening to her talk and just to be around her, told Ben that everything might still turn out fine. But little did he know, as he wandered the cold streets towards his apartment, of what was to come…