I thought I might be able to go out today, but Mother said I couldn't. She never lets me do anything. She barely lets me go out to the fence, and thats only a few feet away from the front door. Well, If we had a front door.
I just want to go out for a little while. Silently, I go slowly out the doorway so as not to disturb her. She hates it when I do that. I hear the muffled hums and chants come through the door. She won't notice I've gone for a while.
The fence looks very haphazard and weak if you look at it. But really, I could never get past it. For some reason I never want to touch it, like it has an electric current or something. I don't know. I just could never do it.
Some kids are playing with a ball a little ways down the street. They don't look very old, maybe nine or ten. I think I used to play with a ball like that...
A memory tries to surface, but I can't quite catch it before it fades away. Things like that happen all the time to me for some reason, It makes me so frustrated.
"Hello? Hi!" I call out to them. Maybe they'll come over this time. Please let them come over this time.
"Good morning! Do you want to come over to talk? I can't come out, but I would love someone to talk to." I don't see any signs that they heard me. Maybe I'm just not being loud enough.
"What are your names? I'm... hm, I'm, uh..." What is my name? They don't seem to hear that either. I guess I shouldn't play with them, they don't seem to be around my age... I think. How old am I again?
I try to think, what is my name? How old am I? Do I have friends? Do I have any other family? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. What is going on?
Then, I realize something very important. I am not breathing. I feel no need to breathe, either. I have no need to slow my heartbeat, because I don't feel one in my chest. It should be hammering to try and get out.
For some reason, I am afraid to look at my body. I close my eyes just to calm down for a few moments.
I cannot feel anything on my body. Not the ground, not the overgrown plants, not the fence, not the wind, not the sun, nothing. Panicking, I open my eyes again quickly. Closing them for much longer would make me go insane.
This is all wrong, its all WRONG. I need to talk to Mother. I need to talk to Mother.