Confessions Of A Valentineless Girl
It’s that time of the year again.
The month of February.
I think out of all the months in the year,
I hate February the most.
Well for one thing,
It’s the month of Valentine’s Day.
Which blows, no need to explain.
I think it wouldn’t be so bad if I had a boyfriend.
But it just so happens that I never have a boyfriend
Around this time of the year.
Or Christmas for the matter.
Which brutally comes down to one thing.
Trust me, I love boys
But I won’t die without one.
I guess the whole kissing thing too.
It’s really annoying to see couples
And do really disgusting things to each other
Like whisper into each other’s ears
And then giggle.
It really pisses me off.
It’s like they want to rub it in my face that
I’m spending Valentine’s Day this year
One day I’m going to make a Singles’ Day.
Watch it go international.
That’ll show you stupid couples and your hugging and your kissing.
I am not to be taken lightly.
Singles’ Day would be a blast!
We’ll hold a huge party.
And do secret gift exchanges.
(Yes! I finally get my gift!)
Except for the truth of the matter is,
I’d probably take the gift home,
Crawl into bed
“Why can’t I have a boyfriend?!”
“Singles’ Day sucks!”
I have the same Valentine’s joke every year.
I’d say I’m getting a boyfriend
So I can celebrate Valentine’s Day with him.
Then I wouldn’t have to take all that gross couple stuff
Because I’d be all over that gross couple stuff.
(Plus I get my gift!)
Then I’d dump him the next day.
But I never do it.
Maybe I should!
It’s not a bad idea if you think about it.
I’m so going to do this.
If you’re wondering why I have to dump him,
It’s because I have commitment issues.
ADD to be exact.
Boys are like kids to me.
They’re cute when they aren’t mine.
Sure, kids say the darnest things
But I don’t want to be there when you change the diapers.
See, the thing is,
I don’t even want a boyfriend!
I like being single!
Playing the field.
I like my freedom!
But every Valentine’s Day I’m thrown into
This Sea of Depression
Where I crave commitment.
Last Valentine’s Day
A guy from my class asked me out on a date.
Sadly, it was a group date with his friends.
What’s with a guy asking you out to go out with his friends?
And on Valentine’s Day?
Come on, guys!
You’re setting yourself up for failure here!
“So what are you doing this Saturday night?” He had asked.
“Why?” I shot back.
“My buddies want to go out for dinner and drinks on Valentine’s Day.”
I think he said something like ‘It’d be cool if you could come’
Or ‘they’d be happy to meet you’
Or something like that after.
But I vaguely remember so don’t quote me on the second part.
So I replied, “Oh...”
And then gave him a very depressed look.
“I’ll think about it. I already sort of have plans with someone else though.”
Of course, that was a huge lie.
I had no plans whatsoever.
I just hate the fact that he couldn’t even ask me out alone.
Which I would have replied with,
“I have other plans but I guess I could blow it off...”
“Since it’s you.”
When Saturday came around,
I spent it alone with a guy friend
Who was having an affair with my best friend
Who was spending the night with her
Sometimes, I wish I had no pride.
Then I wouldn’t have made up something bogus
About having plans.
And I wouldn’t have had to spend Valentine’s Day
Listening to my guy friend
Sob over how he couldn’t spend Valentine’s Day
With my best friend
Because she had a boyfriend.
Luckily, Connor never asked me how my
Valentine’s Day turned out.
And I didn’t question whether or not
He got laid that night either.
And when he asked me out at the end of class again,
(We had one class every Wednesday together)
Valentine’s Day was already over.
What do I need a boyfriend for?
I think Valentine’s Day is going to be much worst.
I have to work.
And I work as a waitress at a restaurant
Where people are bound to come in
And rub it all over my face.
You know what?
I don’t even care anymore.
It’s not like I actually want a boyfriend.
I’ll treat Valentine’s Day like the seasonal flu.
And as for the gifts,
I’ll send myself a dozen red roses
And something really nice
With all the tips I made from your boyfriend
By giving him seductive glances all night
While you weren’t looking.