my name is patrick btryan oconnor and this is my story. first off i dont care if i misspell or for get to add puntuation. i was born on may 30th 1992 i was second born i have an older sister. when i was little my sister was sexually abused and she unknowingly abused me too. i was never right in the head since. i had a disorder and my parents did not know how to "deal" with me. i had a bed wetting problem for the most of my childhood. in school i wasnt as smart as the other kids i got called names like stupid or retard and it got worse the older i got. it turned into faggot and dog raper. i later found out that i hade autism. a very confusing disorder and still my parents could deal with me and shortly after my little sister and brothe where born i couldnt take the names that i got called or the physical abuse my parents did to me i got the hell beat out of me at the drop of a hat. i was called worthless. finally i snaped i tried to kill myself i swallowed a bottle of pills and slept for a long time. after i came to i was even worse than before i had been accused of trying to get attention by this. noe my parents wanted a devorse and they blamed it on me. said it was my fault. i had no one to care about me i was alone in a crowded room. i stoped careing along time ago. i got into trouble alot and was sent away to a DYS facility. while i was there i got some help i became a better person i leared to be ok with myself no matter how i was. i left there after 18 long months and went back home to my parents. at this point life was better. i was not beat on or called names at home. my parents understood what my disorder was and they helped me with my struggles and did there best to make amends. i went to a better school i met jessi the love of my life. or so i thought. she came from a different home style she left her parents to live with me and life was amazing. untill after our first year together. she cheated on me with my saposed best friend. and left and was in and out of relationship with me. and because of my autisim i am a bleeding heart i care more about the ones i am close to. i could not help it i cared about her alot. so she dated me and cheated every week untill i left my parents to be with her at some asshole's house. it lasted a week we all got drunk i got punched in the face and had to call my parents at 2am to pick my drunk ass up. she was gone for good this time. or so i thought. i tried to date other girls but it was long distance and they didnt last. i wanted to be with jessi even thought she hurt me badliy i finally got my chance and i wanted to take it at any cost. i ended up getting her pregnant and i thought she wanted me to be there. sadly i was wrong. she left me again to be with her ex who did not know she was pregnant and kicked her out when he found out it was mine. i tried to forget about her and i would have succeded had i not gone over to her mothers to get my stuff back. i met her there again and my bleeding heart wanted me to care about her. i told her i still loved her even after all of the shit that she put me through i still cared about her. i wanted to be slow with it and said that we would just be friends for a bit. unfortunatly i had not had sex in over 6 months and one night she called me up saying she wanted me bad. of course i was thinking with my dick and stole my mothers car and drove over to her had sex in the back seat and took her home with me. myu parents found out and where upset at first but they understood my feelings and shortly after my son was born. one month after we got married and life was getting better once again. and after my son's first birthday we tried for another child. once she found out she was it was down hill again. she was having serious trouble have orgasims during sex and desided to fuck her ex boyfriend once again. i didnt find out till after my daughter was born and i was angry but i was also thinking of the children and i did not want to get a devorse she has not cheated since however in may of the year 2013 she would rather hang out with a stupid nosie slut for a friend then take resposibility as a parent and blows off her daily tasks to goof off with her idiot friend. and on top of this she has been texting a complete stranger and flirting. i am only human and i can only take so much of this crap. this is more than just a book to me this is a cry for help. i have an email you could reach me at if you think you can help me. my email is Patrick.Bryan.firstname.lastname@example.org i will always try my best to answer your emails i just want someone to help me i dont see myself wanting to live anymore however i will not do anything so long as i still have my children. so if some one has advise please email me.