Life has its ups and downs ,every year i become wiser through experiences ,everytime i drank a beer my body said drink a 18 pack a few shots and everything will be alright..until the next day, the dreaded hangover ughhh. I would wake up shaking ,dehydrated,and anxiety that i wouldn't wish upon anyone...oh,and of course the wonderful ''what happened'' !? the song from Sublime depicts what a hangover represents in my eyes,because there have been times were i've woken up in the early mornings thinking ''what did i do last night'' ? ''i hope i didn't make a fool or say anything stupid'' ! ohhh, i certainly don't miss those days.
I don't feel like writting a series of reasons why i just gave up drinking,because it's really not that difficult or complex to figure out ! i'll give you a run down of diseases that run in my family : diabetes,high blood pressure,arthritis, heart disease, depression,and alcoholism...all to which are freaking deadly to have and can ruin your life if you don't take care of yourself. My mom has been hit the hardest and bless her heart lord :( she's been through so much these past 5 years and her body is fighting the fight to keep on moving. 2 years ago my mom was diagnosed with medical cirrhosis, she didn't get it from drinking ! it was due to diabetes ! anywho, one morning she started throwing up blood, or so, what we all thought was blueberries from the night before, but we knew something wasn't right and she went to the doctor and almost died because she was bleeding to death from esophageal varices and the blood from her liver is so damaged that the blood was backing up and causing pressure in the vains and caused it to rupture...hence why she was throwing up blood. Sorry, i forgot to mention this was 4 months ago and i had already been done with drinking a couple months prior. I remember visiting my mom and went into her room and while she was sleeping, i started praying to god, asking him to please help my mom to live and what am i going to do if something happens to her ? i started weeping like a child and trying to keep myself from being loud,when the nurse steve walked in and asked if i was okay ? i said ,yes i'm okay, when really i wasn't . I felt so sorry for my mom ,just laying there on 3 iv's and fighting to live. *sigh* i went home and researched everything that nurse steve told me and i kept reading and reading until i feel asleep, i was going to help my mom...with what ? or how? but ,i was determined to help her and prayed that she would come home. Knowledge is truly power and knowing that the choices we make today, will/can effect you in the future, if you make wise choices in the now. My mom doesn't sit around and eat chocolates,fried foods,high in sugar drinks,or junk food...contrary to what doctors or people think. In fact, my mom eats very healthy and can't exercise because of her heart....another long story, but it's mainly stress and stress is a silent killer mmm hmm
Drinking doesn't do anything for me anymore....it's boring,it cost money,it doesn't help with your problems...in fact, alcohol intensifies your pain,it's unhealthy on your physical and mental health and yada yada, but i just can't have 1 beer or one shot, i have to drink an entire 18 pack to get that real good feeling and pass out...yeah, numnutts that's the way to go asshole ! i've done and said lots of stupid stuff that i'm very shamefaced to even mention. Who ever is reading this , i don't want you to think i'm trying to come off that i'm better than you or i'm giving you a baptist sermon,because i'm no better than anyone,nor am i judgemental that you drink, the time will come to each and every one of us when we decide that the party has got to end. It's real funny when you do decide to stop drinking , you end up acting like a mother making sure her babies are being taken care of....you no longer get asked to go out and get faded with the girl/guys anymore...it's more of ''will you be the designated driver' ? ''will you take care of my purse' ? 'where's my camera' ? or my favorite ''i'm going to kick that bitches ass'' ! lol yeah, even trying to stop grown ass people from fighting and making sure that my babies or other people from getting hurt. I'm the boring one now or i'm not as funny as i used to be anymore; i just don't get asked to hang out anymore :( i'm still fun, i still enjoy being funny ! what it really boils down to, is everything is fucking funny when your drunk yo !
*sighs* It's interesting that i'm starting to feel my feelings sober and it could be a good thing, if it's a happy emotion,but when it's my anxiety,insecurities,doubt,stress,anger, then that's when i want to drink a beer or a shot ! but i refuse to let my feelings get the best of me and i just take a big deep breath and know that i can handle it ! i have to remember that i can't control everything in the universe ,but i can control my choices and i just choose to handle my problems in a new way. Also, remembering my mom laying in the hospital with all of those iv's holding on for her life, helps me to remember why i'm glad i stopped drinking. I'm happy to say that i've been sober for 10 months , i'm very proud of myself...yeahhh